Chapter Thirty-Eight

Lu Heyang hears the door opening as he climbs the last few steps. He looks up — Xu Ze is pushing the security gate outward.

“Were you waiting by the door this whole time?” Lu Heyang smiles when he sees him and asks.

“I heard a car pull up downstairs,” Xu Ze says. He hadn't been waiting on purpose — he only knew Lu Heyang was coming, and so for a full half hour he couldn't sit still; the moment anything stirred below, he couldn't help going to the window to look.

“Have you eaten lunch?” Xu Ze asks while Lu Heyang closes the door.

“No. You?”

“About to make some.” Xu Ze scratches behind his ear. “Only two dishes. If that's not enough we can order in, but delivery would take a while.”

“It's enough,” Lu Heyang says. “I'm not very hungry.”

Xu Ze nods. He wants to say something more, but the moment he meets Lu Heyang's eyes he touches behind his ear again, ill at ease, and turns toward the kitchen.

“What dishes?” Lu Heyang sets the car keys on the table and walks into the kitchen.

“Taro beef, greens.” A taro root flies from Xu Ze's hand as he answers and lands in the sink.

Xu Ze doesn't really cook much usually — fried rice or noodles, mostly. But last night he didn't have a match, so he made dishes on purpose to bring to the Sanatorium and eat dinner with Ye Yunhua. Today's food is just the leftovers from yesterday.

“Is there anything I can help with?” Lu Heyang asks.

No sooner has he finished speaking than another taro flies from Xu Ze's hand. Lu Heyang picks it up, rinses it under the tap, and says understandingly, “Got it. I'll wait for you in the living room.”

Xu Ze looks at the cutting board and nods.

Less than two minutes in the living room, a mosquito bites Lu Heyang on the back of his hand, raising a small bump. Lu Heyang looks at the bump for a few seconds, turns off his Mobile Phone, stands, and walks to the kitchen doorway. “Your mosquito bit me.”

The way he says it makes Xu Ze feel as if his house keeps a mosquito as a pet and Lu Heyang has come to demand compensation for being bitten. The air goes quiet for a moment. Xu Ze puts down the vegetables. “I'll get the ointment.”

“Where is it? I'll get it myself.”

“In the desk drawer.”

“All right.”

Lu Heyang goes to the room. Textbooks and test papers are still spread across the desk, pens and caps scattered on either side. Lu Heyang caps the pens, then pulls open the drawer. Out of habit, the moment he opens it, the lid of a small tin box inside the drawer shifts slightly — it looks like the kind meant for keeping little trinkets. Lu Heyang thinks the ointment might be in there, so he lifts the lid.

Unexpectedly, inside is only a pile of things that look like rubbish.

That's not mockery or disdain — they really do look like rubbish.

Folded tissues smeared with something — machine oil or ink, hard to tell; individually wrapped, unused wet wipes; a receipt with the writing already faded; a few unopened suppressant patches; a wad of something unidentifiable wrapped in tissue; and a photograph with obvious burn marks, only one corner of it remaining.

Lu Heyang stares at them for a while, then reaches in and turns the burned photograph over to look at the front.

A bang. Lu Heyang turns his head. The half-closed door has been pushed fully open. Xu Ze stands at the threshold with wet hands hanging at his sides, face pale, breathing hard, as if he'd just run several hundred metres. His eyes meet Lu Heyang's for a second, then shift to the open drawer.

Lu Heyang stays perfectly calm. From among a pile of iodine and medicine bottles he picks up the ointment, squeezes some out, then closes the tin and puts it back, shuts the drawer. Walking toward the door he asks Xu Ze, “Did the kitchen catch fire?”

“No.” Xu Ze's gaze dodges. He doesn't seem to realise how big his reaction just was, and, thinking he hasn't given himself away, tries to change the subject. “Did you find the ointment?”

“I did.” Lu Heyang tilts his head slightly to look into Xu Ze's eyes. “Didn't you just see me using it?”

“…All right,” Xu Ze says. “I'll go cook.”

Lu Heyang sits at the dining table, right where he can see into the kitchen. An old-fashioned radio sits on the windowsill. Lu Heyang studies it for a while and asks, “Does this still work?”

“It does,” Xu Ze answers, turning his head.

“Do you like listening to the radio?”

“It was my grandmother's.” Xu Ze's eyes drop to the pot. “I listen to it now and then.”

He's long been used to being alone, but sometimes the house feels so quiet it startles him, and he needs some sound to break it.

Lu Heyang looks at Xu Ze's profile without speaking, then turns the dial. Static crackles out of the speaker. Lu Heyang tunes the frequency bit by bit; the sound gradually clears, and a news broadcast comes through.

The taro beef soup bubbles away, a thin veil of fragrant steam drifting out of the kitchen. Sunlight comes through the window into the living room like a river of light; Xu Ze cooks on the far bank while Lu Heyang works carefully at the radio. He finds the music band — a slow-tempo foreign song is playing.

In the gaps between tending the soup, Xu Ze can't help glancing at Lu Heyang a few times. Lu Heyang seems genuinely curious about the radio — probably never handled an old thing like this. Xu Ze has long been numb to most things, but at this moment, in a cliché way, he thinks: heaven has been good to him.

That Lu Heyang — who only ever relaxes and smiles in front of He Wei and Gu Yunchi — now seems to be showing just a trace of the same in front of him.

After the meal and the dishes, Lu Heyang drinks some water and checks the time on his Wristband. Xu Ze asks, “Are you leaving?”

The implication in the question is obvious — only Xu Ze himself doesn't know it. Lu Heyang looks at him. Xu Ze stands by the table, hands at his sides, no particular expression on his face, and yet there's something pleading in his look, as if Lu Heyang were really to walk out now, the moment the door closed Xu Ze would sink.

“You want me gone that badly?” Lu Heyang goes over and sets the glass on the table. “Then I'll head back.”

“No.” Xu Ze reaches out a little urgently, as if to block Lu Heyang in front of him. “That's not it.”

Lu Heyang smiles. “Are you going to nap?”

“Not nap.”

“But I'm a bit sleepy,” Lu Heyang says. “My energy isn't great — I tend to doze off in the afternoon.”

“If you don't mind, you could sleep in my bed. I changed the sheets a couple of days ago.” Without waiting for Lu Heyang to answer, Xu Ze says, as if certain he'll mind, “I'll go put on a fresh set now.”

“No need, I don't mind.” Lu Heyang picks the glass back up. “Come on, show me to your room.”

Xu Ze's wooden bed is a little hard, but the pillow is soft, carrying a faint trace of Pheromone and the clean scent of shampoo — the brand Xu Ze always uses. Lu Heyang lies down and asks, “Are you going to sleep too?” Because Xu Ze has been standing there watching him.

“I'll do my test paper.” Realising his gaze is bothering Lu Heyang again, Xu Ze turns immediately, sits at the desk, and turns the electric fan on, aimed at the bed.

“Turn the fan to oscillate, or you'll get hot,” Lu Heyang suggests.

He isn't actually sleepy, but he knows that if he hadn't said he wanted a nap, Xu Ze probably wouldn't have been able to focus on studying.

“All right.” Xu Ze presses the oscillation button. The fan sweeps past Lu Heyang's pillow, lifts the curtain, then on to the desk, where it sets the corner of a book fluttering.

In the quiet air, carrying the faint scent of Plum Blossom, Lu Heyang watches the swaying curtain, thinks of a few things, and then, without realising it, closes his eyes.

When he opens his eyes again, nothing in the room has changed. Lu Heyang thinks he simply drifted for a moment, glances at his Wristband, and finds that a full forty minutes have gone by. He sits up, startled.

A bright room, no eye mask, no earplugs — it has been a long, long time since he fell asleep so easily under conditions like these.

Hearing the movement, Xu Ze turns around and is surprised to see the dazed look on Lu Heyang's face, his brow furrowed as if puzzling something out.

“What's wrong?” Xu Ze, pen still in hand, turns his body and asks.

Lu Heyang's hair is a little mussed from sleep. He rubs the back of his neck and smiles. “Sleep-dazed.” Bracing his hands on the edge of the bed, he comes out of his daze and asks, “Finished the test paper?”

“Finished.” Xu Ze, with the self-awareness of a student called on by Teacher Lu, sets down his pen and stands. “Reviewing notes.”

“Do you have to stand so far away to talk?” Lu Heyang blinks slowly. “You always seem to keep your distance from me.”

His expression looks like that of someone hurt but still sincere. Xu Ze has no words to defend himself — he isn't good at arguing — and can only shake his head and say, “It's not,” then walk up to Lu Heyang and hand him the glass of water.

The Mobile Phone beeps. Lu Heyang takes the glass, glances at the screen, and ignores it. He drinks some water and says to Xu Ze, “I should go.”

Xu Ze's lashes lower. The time Lu Heyang has spent with him today is already long, but Xu Ze still feels it was too short. While Lu Heyang slept, he only dared glance back a few times, each time for a second or two.

“All right. Drive carefully.”

Lu Heyang asks him instead, “How am I supposed to thank you for cooking for me and lending me your bed for a nap?”

“It's nothing,” Xu Ze says, taking his talent for missing the point to its peak. “You're welcome.”

“Xu Ze.” Lu Heyang looks up at him, a touch helpless in his tone. “Are you determined to make me feel bad?”

At this point Xu Ze must finally have caught a sliver of what Lu Heyang means. He begins to think, tangled and cautious, about what he might ask for.

“This time you can't say you hope I won't be unhappy,” Lu Heyang reminds him. “I'm not unhappy today.”

“…All right.”

Xu Ze's gaze settles on Lu Heyang's face. He can't think of a single thing to ask for — being able to look at Lu Heyang a little longer like this is already good. Of course, if he had the courage from the last few times, to lean in and kiss Lu Heyang, that would be even better.

“Where do you want to kiss?” Lu Heyang meets his gaze and asks, very directly.

There's a shameful feeling of being seen through, but Xu Ze doesn't lie. He answers honestly, “Your face.”

He isn't sure if it's his imagination, but Xu Ze thinks he hears Lu Heyang let out a very soft sigh. He tenses at once, worried his request has put Lu Heyang in a difficult position. But Lu Heyang sets the glass on the bed, stands, leans down slightly until he's in front of Xu Ze, and says, “Go ahead.”

When an opportunity is this close, that is precisely when it's hardest to refuse. Xu Ze can't even bring himself to close his eyes; he tilts his head and kisses Lu Heyang's left cheek.

At the same moment his hand is taken. Xu Ze looks down — Lu Heyang is fastening a Wristband onto his wrist. The Wristband is brand-new, different from the one Lu Heyang used to wear.

“I might come mooch meals again next time.” Lu Heyang gives Xu Ze's palm a small squeeze and smiles at him. “Meal money in advance.”

The meal money is a little heavy. Xu Ze has no idea how many meals he'd have to cook to pay off a twenty-thousand-yuan Wristband. By the time he comes back to himself, Lu Heyang is already walking toward the door.

At the front door, Lu Heyang grips the handle. Before opening it he glances back and sees Xu Ze trailing behind him like a little tail, saying nothing, not smiling, but his eyes are bright.

Lu Heyang knows Xu Ze is happy not because of the Wristband, but because he kissed Lu Heyang's face.

One of the easiest people in the world to satisfy is probably Xu Ze. He asks for little, demands less, doesn't know how to receive whatever is given him, and though his hands are empty, still wonders if he's been too greedy.

Lu Heyang presses his lips together. The hand on the door handle seems to have lost its strength, unable to open the door. After a few seconds of stillness, he finally turns back, slips an arm around the back of Xu Ze's neck, and kisses him at the corner of his mouth.

“How can you be this slow?”

He says it smiling. He opens the door and waves to Xu Ze. “I'm off.”