Chapter 59

It wasn’t until Lu Heyang reached over to wipe the corner of his mouth that Xu Ze realized he had drooled quite a lot.

After only a few wipes, Lu Heyang slipped two fingers into Xu Ze’s mouth and played with his tongue. Xu Ze closed his eyes, then opened them again, gazing up at Lu Heyang in a daze.

'I can’t sleep at your place — I have to leave in a bit.' Lu Heyang withdrew his fingers, his thumb brushing over the outer corner of Xu Ze’s eye.

Xu Ze stared at him with unfocused eyes for a while, realizing it was already past midnight. He closed his mouth, swallowed, and asked a question that had nearly slipped by: 'Did you come back after training?' He was worried he might have interfered with Lu Heyang’s training.

'Yes,' Lu Heyang gave an answer that wouldn’t burden Xu Ze. 'The Preparatory Academy has exams in a few days, so I was supposed to come back anyway.'

That meant Lu Heyang would stay until the exams were over — just that thought alone made Xu Ze happy. He pressed his lips together, the faintest hint of a smile appearing. 'Be careful on the way back,' Xu Ze said.

Lu Heyang looked at him for a few seconds, then suddenly lay down beside him. They had almost never lain together properly like this. Xu Ze turned his head to look at Lu Heyang’s profile, silently counting the seconds in his mind.

When he reached thirty-six, Lu Heyang raised a hand and pressed the bridge of his nose, then sat up. 'Let’s take another shower.'

'I can shower… by myself.' Xu Ze sat up as well, keenly aware of something trickling out of him. He pulled the sheet over his lap. 'It’s late — you should head home first.'

'Alright.' Lu Heyang stepped off the bed. His pants had stayed on; he picked up his T-shirt from the foot of the bed and pulled it on, then went to fetch Xu Ze’s clothes from the desk. With his back to Xu Ze, he pushed aside the stack of exam papers and saw the draft paper underneath. He smiled.

He walked back to the bedside. Xu Ze was still looking at him with an innocent expression. Lu Heyang pulled the T-shirt over Xu Ze’s head and told him to raise his arms. Xu Ze raised them and put the shirt on.

Then Lu Heyang cupped Xu Ze’s face and tilted his head, leaning down to examine his neck. 'The mark is faint — it’ll be gone by tomorrow.'

'It’s fine,' Xu Ze said. It wasn’t as if he’d never gone to school with bruises or pinch marks before.

Lu Heyang straightened Xu Ze’s head, his hand stroking gently behind Xu Ze’s ear. 'Do you react like this with others too?'

The question came without any preamble. Xu Ze tilted his head back, a slight look of confusion on his face. Lu Heyang was looking down at him, his eyelashes casting a dense shadow beneath his eyes. Xu Ze felt himself shrink into something very small, standing completely within that shadow, enveloped by it — Lu Heyang’s gaze always gave him a strange sense of security, born of being under his control.

So Xu Ze drifted off for a moment, taking several seconds to come back. 'What?'

'When you’re boxing, when someone hurts you,' Lu Heyang’s hand moved to the back of Xu Ze’s neck, covering the spot where his gland was. 'Does that excite you too?'

'No.' Xu Ze seemed to need no thought at all, answering honestly, without any hint of flattery or eagerness to please.

Lu Heyang said nothing. He covered Xu Ze’s eyes and kissed him on the mouth. 'I’m going back.'

'Mm.' Xu Ze nodded. The kiss felt like a reward. For a moment, Xu Ze drifted back to those times when Lu Heyang was always rewarding him — even after having received so much already, Xu Ze realized he still liked being rewarded by Lu Heyang.

Lu Heyang had returned, and at last He Wei found out what his friend had been up to for the past twenty days.

'I don’t get it,' he said. 'You could have sailed smoothly into a high-ranking official position — why go to the Military Academy and get yourself all dusty and exhausted? Isn’t it tiring? Do you get it, Xiao Ze, do you?'

Xu Ze could only answer: 'I don’t.'

'Heyang’s probably going for the Army, right? The Army holds the most power within the League. If Uncle Lu wanted Heyang to attend the Military Academy, he’d definitely arrange for him to join the Army.'

'I don’t know,' Xu Ze said. He genuinely had no idea which branch Lu Heyang intended to pursue.

'What about you, then? Your physique is so good — you’d have no problem at the Military Academy, right? Maybe you could even keep being Heyang’s schoolmate.'

Xu Ze said calmly, 'I wouldn’t pass the physical.'

There were too many old scars on his body — he couldn’t even pass the police academy physical, let alone the stricter Military Academy requirements. Besides, military training was closed and rigorous; he wouldn’t be able to visit his grandmother often. As for continuing to attend the same school as Lu Heyang — Xu Ze had never entertained such unrealistic hopes.

He felt no ripple of emotion inside, but He Wei, with excessive sensitivity, thought he detected a trace of loneliness on Xu Ze’s usually expressionless face. Believing himself to be tactful and clever, he changed the subject: 'Oh, hey — can you take a look? The clasp on my backpack broke.'

'How did it break?' Xu Ze took the backpack and bent his head to pry apart the strap at the joint.

'I accidentally caught the strap in the car door this morning. I gave it a gentle tug, and the metal clasp just popped open.'

Craftsman Xu made no excessive comment on Young Master He’s 'gentle tug.' He Wei always had a thousand ways to break things; a little over a month into the semester, this was already his eighth backpack — there was probably an element of preferring the new over the old involved. Xu Ze used a small pair of scissors to grip the edge of the metal clasp, slowly reshaping the bent inner ring, snipping off the frayed threads that had emerged from the tugging, tucking the fine filaments on the strap back into place, and finally pressing on the other half of the clasp until it clicked tight.

'Done — take a look.'

'Wow, that was fast.' He Wei rummaged through the backpack. 'Our Xiao Ze really is lovely-hearted, virtuous, capable, and diligent — if you were an Omega, every single Alpha would be fighting to marry you and take you home as a wife.'

Xu Ze stayed silent, because he considered He Wei’s assessment to have no connection whatsoever to his actual person.

'Love you, wifey.' He Wei wrapped his arms around Xu Ze’s arm, leaning his head against Xu Ze’s shoulder.

'...' Xu Ze wasn’t very used to such closeness. He tried to pull his arm free, but He Wei held on tightly, and Xu Ze didn’t succeed.

Feeling something brush against his hair, He Wei tilted his head back. 'Heyang? When did you get here?'

'Right when you were calling Xu Ze wifey,' Lu Heyang said.

'Please understand me,' He Wei clung to Xu Ze’s side. 'I can’t call Chi Jiahán wifey — am I not even allowed to call Chi Jiahán’s friend wifey?'

Seeing Xu Ze keep turning his head to look at him, Lu Heyang reached out and touched his ear, gave him a smile, then said to He Wei, 'Need to talk to you about something.'

He Wei stood up immediately, slung an arm over Lu Heyang’s shoulder, and led him toward the door. 'Is it that my brother’s back?' he asked in a low voice.

'Flight’s tonight.'

'I’ll go wait for him at Uncle’s place.' He Wei frowned. 'Ever since I texted him last time asking if he had dealings with Tang Feiyi, he hasn’t replied. He’s been on an inspection tour abroad for over a month — finally willing to come back.'

'Did you get taller?' He Wei’s attention leapt like a frog in a pond. He looked Lu Heyang up and down, puzzled.

'No.'

He Wei scoffed. 'Then it must be because you’ve been practicing your posture — you seem a whole notch taller.'

As soon as he finished speaking, he saw Xu Ze come out of the classroom and run toward the office. He Wei called out to him, but Xu Ze neither answered nor stopped.

At the same moment, the class bell rang. He Wei turned his gaze back and found Lu Heyang also watching Xu Ze’s retreating figure.

'What’s up with Xu Ze — is it something urgent?'

'Don’t know. Class has started,' Lu Heyang said.

By the time Xu Ze reached the Sanatorium, Ye Yunhua had already been forcibly restrained on the hospital bed. She was like a fish struggling futilely in mud, her face flushed red, eyes wide and fixed on the ceiling, gasping for breath, murmuring incessantly: 'Blood… all blood… all of it blood…'

'We gave her a sedative, not a very large dose.' Zhou Zhen’s white coat and hair were a bit disheveled — clearly he’d expended considerable effort trying to calm Ye Yunhua.

Xu Ze slowly pried open Ye Yunhua’s tightly clenched right fist, held her hand, and asked Zhou Zhen, 'Did it come on suddenly?'

'She didn’t press down properly after the blood draw. A few drops of blood welled up from the needle puncture — that triggered it.'

It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but Xu Ze said, 'I’ve caused you trouble.'

On the nearby trolley’s tray lay the blood sample drawn not long ago, the collection tube tightly wrapped in white medical tape — a necessary precaution taken every time before drawing Ye Yunhua’s blood, to prevent her from seeing the blood.

'Stay with your grandmother for now. I’ll go organize the test reports and then talk with you about treatment.' Zhou Zhen patted Xu Ze’s shoulder and left with the nurse to clean up.

Ye Yunhua gradually calmed down, her eyes half-closed but refusing to shut completely. Tears slid from the corners of her eyes. Her lips moved, opening and closing. Xu Ze bent down close to listen and heard Ye Yunhua say: 'Blood… all flowed out… Yuanyuan, ah…'

The indistinct, pain-laden voice drilled into his ears. Xu Ze’s throat moved. He gripped Ye Yunhua’s hand tightly, keeping his bent posture as if unable to straighten up for a moment.

Approaching noon, Xu Ze went downstairs holding a stack of lab reports. Outside, the sun was glaringly bright. When Xu Ze looked up toward the glass doors, the light made him squint. Through the blur, he saw a figure standing beside a pillar outside.

He walked out through the revolving door and stopped in front of Lu Heyang. He didn’t ask how you got here. Only when Lu Heyang handed him a bottle of mineral water and said, 'Let’s go for a walk,' did he speak.

South of the inpatient building, beneath the wall, stood a yellow cassia tree. About ten meters away was an artificial lake shimmering with ripples. Xu Ze and Lu Heyang stood under the tree. When Xu Ze drank, he opened the cap without any effort at all, only then realizing Lu Heyang had loosened it beforehand and screwed it back on.

The water seemed tasteless — Xu Ze slowly registered that water was supposed to be tasteless.

Earlier, his body had felt heavy, as if something were pressing down on him, so heavy his head and shoulders couldn’t lift. Now it seemed to have eased a little. Xu Ze rubbed his left eye and said, 'My grandmother is terrified of blood.'

Ye Yunhua was terrified of blood — starting from when Xu Ze was eleven.

After Xu Ming’s accidental death in the line of duty, Qiao Yuan stayed day and night in her room, neither speaking nor going out. Many times when Xu Ze went to her room, he would see Qiao Yuan sitting in a chair, staring at the two flat, smooth curtains as if looking at something beyond them.

When Xu Ze walked over to her side, Qiao Yuan would say, in that same uninflected tone, her gaze unmoving, 'Go play by yourself.'

Xu Ze would nod, walk out, and quietly close the door. He didn’t actually want his mother to take him out to play — he just wanted to keep her company.

Because of this, Ye Yunhua also fell into a cold war with Qiao Yuan, a kind of sorrow for her misfortune and anger at her lack of fight. She believed life had to go on, but Qiao Yuan showed not the slightest intention of picking herself back up. Even so, she still prepared three meals a day on time for Qiao Yuan and had Xu Ze deliver them. Xu Ze was like a little servant, carrying the meals into the room each day, then sitting on the small sofa beside her, waiting for Qiao Yuan to eat a little. Those were moments he felt happy, because he could be with his mother for a while.

Then, quite suddenly one day, Ye Yunhua’s furious shouting erupted in the living room. Xu Ze cracked his bedroom door open a slit and caught fragments of sentences.

'How long are you going to keep this up? Xu Ze is still so young — his father’s gone, and now his mother won’t even look after him!'

'Now the savings and the death benefits are all swindled away — are you satisfied?!'

'Why did you believe those people, just because they said they could help you find out how Xu Ming really died? They were all lying to you! Now there’s not a cent left — will you believe it now?!'

…

Qiao Yuan, who hadn’t spoken all this time, finally spoke, still in that flat, uninflected tone: 'I didn’t even get to see Xu Ming’s body — how am I supposed to know how he really died.'

Silence, then a sharp 'slap' rang out. Xu Ze behind the door shuddered violently, as if that slap had landed on his own face.

'The coroner’s report, the police squad’s notification documents — aren’t those enough? No matter how Xu Ming died, he’s dead — he’s not coming back!'

That sentence felt like it was meant for Xu Ze too. Dad was dead — he would never come back.

From age seven to eleven, Xu Ze still had only a vague concept of his father’s death. In his heart, Xu Ming had just gone on a very long business trip and hadn’t come back yet. But now, looking back at the small pair of children’s boxing gloves on the wall, he finally began to understand: death meant Dad would never again help him put on those gloves and take him to the boxing gym to hit the heavy bag.

The next morning, when Xu Ze went to fetch breakfast, Ye Yunhua was cleaning the kitchen with her back to him. She said softly, 'Tell your mother to get ready. I’m taking her to see a doctor.'

'Is Mom sick?' Xu Ze asked.

Ye Yunhua paused in her movements, then answered, 'Yes. It’s Grandma’s fault — I didn’t take good care of your mother, let her get sick in her heart. Now we have to take her to the hospital.'

'Okay.' Xu Ze nodded.

He entered the room. Qiao Yuan was still lying in bed. Xu Ze, as usual, placed the breakfast on the nightstand and said, 'Mom, breakfast is ready.'

Qiao Yuan didn’t answer. Xu Ze went to sit on the sofa.

He waited and waited — several minutes passed, and Qiao Yuan still hadn’t gotten up. Xu Ze walked over to the bed again and said, 'Mom, breakfast is ready.'

No response. Qiao Yuan remained lying on her side facing the wall. Xu Ze stood on tiptoe, trying to see her face, and suddenly saw a dark red stain, irregular like the edge of a map, spreading out from under the blanket, reaching all the way to the side of the pillow, cradling Qiao Yuan’s pale profile.

Before his brain could fully grasp what this meant, his body had already begun to tremble uncontrollably. Shaking, Xu Ze reached out and pushed Qiao Yuan’s shoulder — stiff, cold, like stone.

Many scenes afterward became fragmented: Ye Yunhua’s dazed expression, the bedsheet soaked through with blood, the mutilated wrist. Xu Ze stood like a bystander, dumbstruck in the corner, until Ye Yunhua, who had fainted, was carried onto an ambulance, and the auntie from next door came over and picked him up.

Xu Ze rested his face against the auntie’s shoulder — soft, warm. Mom’s shoulder used to be like that too.

'So Grandma is terrified of blood,' Xu Ze said slowly. 'After seeing a scene like that — how could anyone not be?'

Leaves rustled in the breeze. Lu Heyang, like the most qualified listener, offered no opinion. After a long while, he turned and ruffled the back of Xu Ze’s head, then gently embraced him.

Xu Ze rested his head on Lu Heyang’s shoulder, looking at the wall covered in lush green ivy. He thought this wall must have heard many prayers, sobs, and stories from the past, and he was just an ordinary passerby among them, nothing special.

The only special thing, perhaps, was that he had told this story to Lu Heyang too — which meant that at least for this moment, he wasn’t bearing it alone.