The Backpack

Xu Ze sat in the passenger seat in continuous reflection, turning over where exactly he had given himself away.

'You already tested, didn't you.' Lu Heyang looked at the road ahead and asked suddenly, 'How did it come out.'

The pregnancy test box had been opened, one stick missing from inside — meaning Xu Ze had already tested once.

Xu Ze kept his head lowered, in that manner of someone being interrogated. He had no idea how the pregnancy test had been discovered — Lu Heyang would absolutely never go through his backpack, so it must have been that the zipper hadn't been fully closed, and the test had slipped out on its own.

'Those aren't accurate.' Xu Ze said quietly.

He thought his answer was reasonably cautious, but Lu Heyang had already heard it — 'those aren't accurate' was tantamount to admitting 'the result was two lines'.

Seeing that Lu Heyang had fallen silent again, Xu Ze twisted his fingers together, and after some deliberation said: 'You don't need to worry. Even if an Alpha really... got pregnant, there's no way to carry the baby to term — it would have to be terminated immediately. It won't cause you any trouble.'

'Mm. As long as it won't cause me trouble, that's good.' Lu Heyang said lightly.

It was plainly a calm and composed answer, but for some reason Xu Ze felt even more unsettled.

Lu Heyang continued: 'So you also took the card from the abortion clinic.'

'The pharmacy staff put it there. I didn't take it.'

'But if you really were pregnant, you'd consider going.'

Xu Ze wanted to say 'no', but he had no confidence — his head was a mess right now — so he nodded once: 'I don't know. Maybe.'

The car was a little stuffy, because Lu Heyang hadn't turned on the air conditioning — perhaps he'd forgotten. Xu Ze lowered the window; wind blew in. Lu Heyang glanced outside, then turned back, his hand on the steering wheel, knuckles taut.

'Xu Ze.' he said, somewhere between a question and a sigh. 'What are you thinking.'

Nothing much — Xu Ze was used to it. He had always made his own decisions, faced problems by solving them, paid whatever price had to be paid. He simply didn't want trivial matters to affect Lu Heyang, to distract him.

Handle your own affairs yourself — a very simple principle.

But Xu Ze didn't say it. He had a hunch that if he described these matters as 'trivial', Lu Heyang might actually lose his temper.

Lu Heyang said nothing for the rest of the drive. A little over half an hour later, the car pulled up outside a secluded private hospital. Lu Heyang made a call: 'We're here.'

'It's all arranged.' Gu Yunchi said. 'Sign my name when the time comes.'

'Got it.'

The license plate wasn't in the system; the guard took one look, then immediately pressed the remote to open the gate. A doctor was already waiting outside the lobby.

Xu Ze didn't react throughout the entire process. He was led around like a piece of wood — taken here, taken there, had blood drawn, had his Pheromone drawn, had an ultrasound done. While waiting for the results, Lu Heyang even had the nurse test Xu Ze's eyesight on the side.

'It's a false pregnancy reaction.' the doctor concluded.

Xu Ze sat in the chair, lost in thought for three seconds, then asked: 'So it's nothing to worry about, right?'

'It's not nothing, but if left untreated, the body will continue believing it's in a state of pregnancy. Hormones and pheromones will deviate further from normal levels — at that point your chest will enlarge, and you'll even lactate. Can you accept that?'

The two lines on the test had delivered nothing like the shock of this moment. For a moment he couldn't tell whether the doctor was seriously asking for his opinion, and if so, what on earth there was to ask about.

Xu Ze blinked, as if his thoughts had stalled, and turned to look at Lu Heyang — only to find Lu Heyang looking back at him. There was no smile on his face at all, and yet Xu Ze felt he was smiling.

'The doctor is asking you.' Lu Heyang reminded him, very helpfully.

'...' Xu Ze said. 'I can't accept that.'

'Then I'll prescribe you some medication — take it on schedule. Pay attention to your diet lately as well. Also, I'd recommend using a condom. False pregnancy in Alphas is rare to begin with, but it might be due to another Alpha's... uh, various reasons. To avoid another false pregnancy, this area needs attention — at the very least, don't finish inside. Because theoretically, an Alpha showing false pregnancy symptoms also has a higher chance of actually conceiving.'

'Another Alpha.' Lu Heyang nodded. 'Understood. Thank you.'

The doctor placed the signing tablet in front of Xu Ze: 'Sign here.'

'Write Gu Yunchi.' Lu Heyang prompted Xu Ze quietly.

The stylus slipped twice in his grip before he could hold it steady. Xu Ze bent his head and wrote Gu Yunchi's name on the electronic signature screen.

Signing Gu Yunchi's name meant the report would be sent to Gu Yunchi, then permanently and thoroughly deleted from the hospital's system — to ensure no one could ever retrieve it later. This was the Gu Family's absolute confidentiality protocol for all of Gu Yunchi's medical records.

'Also, you're slightly nearsighted. We'll have a pair of corrective eyeglasses made for you — should be ready in about three days, and we'll deliver them to your school.' the doctor added.

'That's not necessary. It's not serious.' Xu Ze said.

'You tend to squint — better to have a pair.' Lu Heyang said. 'Wear them when you're watching the big screen in class.'

Xu Ze had no idea how Lu Heyang had noticed his squinting. He nodded once and didn't refuse again: 'Alright. Thank you.'

On the way back, Xu Ze still wore the look of someone under interrogation, sitting properly in the passenger seat. Lu Heyang closed the window, turned on the air conditioning, fitted a straw into the hospital's nutritional supplement and handed it to Xu Ze, then started the car.

It was only tonight that Lu Heyang realized: no matter how obedient Xu Ze appeared before him, no matter how much he seemed to trust him, the real Xu Ze was an extraordinarily difficult problem to solve. In everything he did there was a stubborn, headlong will of his own — like a silent lake that never speaks, skilled at consuming itself, accustomed to carving off a piece of himself as a means of solving the problem, and unable to feel the pain.

Not knowing what method Xu Ze had planned this time to scrape together six hundred thousand, Lu Heyang didn't intend to ask — the answer wouldn't be a pleasant one regardless.

'The doctor said to watch your diet, so from now on three meals a day will be delivered to you. If you insist on continuing to work at the Auto Repair Shop, I have no objection, but for safety's sake, from now on don't ride your bike to and from school or work — the bodyguards will drive you.' After saying this, Lu Heyang added, 'You can refuse.'

There was still such an enlightened, generous multiple-choice question in this world — Xu Ze felt a sudden lightness. He was just about to open his mouth to politely decline when Lu Heyang continued: 'But I won't agree to it.'

'...Alright.' Xu Ze said, then asked Lu Heyang in a low voice: 'Are you still angry?'

After two seconds, Lu Heyang smiled faintly: 'I'm not angry.'

'It's not your fault anyway.' he said.

Xu Ze reflected: 'But I didn't tell you any of it.'

'Oh.' Lu Heyang's expression took on a hint of dawning realization; he glanced at him. 'So you do know you should have told me.'

Xu Ze held the nutritional supplement in both hands, unsure what to say. Lu Heyang turned the steering wheel half a rotation and continued: 'It's fine. If you don't want to talk, then don't. I can only have people keep a closer eye on you — otherwise you'll go off and do something bad again. Can you understand why I'm doing this?'

How could he not understand — Xu Ze now felt guilty enough that even if Lu Heyang wanted to lock him up, it would be fine. Compared to Lu Heyang's forbearance, his tolerance, his generosity, Xu Ze knew he had handled this very poorly.

'I understand.' Xu Ze said. 'I won't do anything bad again.'

Lu Heyang glanced at the window, pressed his lips together. A moment later he turned back, still in that calm tone: 'Mm.'

Back home, Xu Ze still remembered Lu Heyang saying earlier that he was hungry. He walked toward the kitchen, his back to Lu Heyang, and said: 'I'll go cook some noodles.'

'Are you a little disappointed?' Lu Heyang asked him suddenly.

Xu Ze stopped walking, turned around only after a pause, his eyes lowered: 'Alphas can't have children to begin with.'

Because he knew this common-sense fact, he had never expected it — Xu Ze had already tried his best not to expect anything. He couldn't carry a child anyway; even if he could, now was absolutely not the time; and most importantly, it would bring Lu Heyang enormous trouble.

So not being pregnant was the best, the most appropriate outcome — and yet Xu Ze still felt a contradictory, hollow kind of loss.

His life ought to have been very plain — guarding his only family, his grandmother, carrying in his heart feelings for Lu Heyang that he could never speak, passing each day in steady order. But perhaps Lu Heyang's appearance had made him begin to grow greedy, to the point that he could feel a sense of loss upon having an inherently impossible thing confirmed.

Lu Heyang said nothing, only reached a hand out toward Xu Ze. Strangely, Xu Ze had still been able to maintain some semblance of composure — but in the second he saw Lu Heyang's hand extended toward him, he suddenly lost all his strength, took two steps, and crashed into Lu Heyang's arms.

'If I feel disappointed, is that normal?' Xu Ze's face was buried against Lu Heyang's neck, his voice a little muffled.

'It's normal.' Lu Heyang told him.

Xu Ze said 'okay', then admitted: 'A little disappointed.'

'But fortunately there isn't.' he added. 'Otherwise it would have had to be terminated anyway.'

'No.' Lu Heyang gripped Xu Ze at the backs of his thighs and lifted him face-to-face, walking toward the bedroom. 'The baby could stay in your belly for a few months, then be transferred to an Artificial Fertility Enhancement.'

Artificial Fertility Enhancement — Xu Ze had heard his biology teacher mention it once. Across the entire League, only a handful of specific institutions possessed the technology; the cost was extraordinarily high, and generally only high officials and the wealthy could qualify and afford it.

'But pregnancy is hard on the body, and you're the kind of person who'd insist on going to school even while carrying a child.' Lu Heyang set Xu Ze down on the bed, didn't stand, propped himself on his hands above Xu Ze. 'If you agreed to take a year off from school—'

He lifted one hand, slid it beneath the hem of Xu Ze's T-shirt, the tips of his fingers loosely catching the waistband of his pants: 'Just right — I haven't had the chance to buy condoms yet.'

On first hearing, these words sounded perfectly normal — Lu Heyang had said them with such an offhand air, his expression as composed as ever — so much so that Xu Ze gazed at him for a good while before grasping what lay beneath them.

Xu Ze's first reaction was that this was absolutely not the kind of thought Lu Heyang would have — there was no sense to it at all.

'I...' Xu Ze didn't know how to explain. He realized it was because his negative emotions had been too obvious that Lu Heyang had said something so extremely accommodating. He looped his arms around Lu Heyang's neck, drew him down a little, kissed Lu Heyang's lower lip, and said in the manner of someone admitting fault: 'I won't think about this anymore.'

Xu Ze saw Lu Heyang furrow his brow very slightly. He didn't have time to consider whether it meant impatience or weariness before Lu Heyang pressed down on his hip and turned him over.

Lu Heyang said nothing. With one hand he pinned Xu Ze's wrists crossed behind him against the small of his back, and pulled his pants down.

...

Wind had risen outside, but the room was very warm. Xu Ze's voice was a little hoarse: 'Where did you get it?'

Lu Heyang looked at him for a moment, said: 'Your face.'

Xu Ze took it at face value, but his face didn't seem to feel anything. He stuck out the tip of his tongue and uselessly licked the corner of his mouth — licked nothing.

'Is there?' Xu Ze asked, bewildered.

'Feel for yourself.' Lu Heyang let go.

A very obvious ring of red was left on Xu Ze's wrists. Once his hands were free again, the first thing he did was not to feel his own face, but to lift them with some difficulty and use the back of his hand to wipe the sweat from Lu Heyang's chin.

'I forgot to turn the fan on.' Xu Ze said, then felt his own face. 'There's nothing.'

Lu Heyang pinched Xu Ze's fingers, which were still trembling slightly, and drew them downward: 'Here. What are you looking for that for.'

'I thought you didn't...'

'I will.' Lu Heyang bent down and gave Xu Ze a very brief kiss, then asked him, 'Want to go wash up?'

Xu Ze shook his head, still stubbornly remembering that Lu Heyang had said he was hungry: 'I'll go cook you noodles.'

'It's too late. Next time.' Lu Heyang stepped off the bed, picked up his clothes and put them on.

'The day after tomorrow I'm going abroad — the second phase of training is about to begin.' Lu Heyang went to the desk for tissues. 'If something comes up, call me. If I don't pick up, leave a message. You can also go straight to the bodyguards. Don't try to handle everything yourself.'

'Okay.' Xu Ze said.

That answer carried not the slightest credibility. Lu Heyang laughed it off. Xu Ze looked up at him for a moment, couldn't help asking: 'About how long?'

'Over twenty days. By then you should be starting to prepare for your exams.'

He hadn't asked which schools Xu Ze planned to apply to, but Xu Ze had already looked into it — the most elite military academies in the League were all far abroad, separated by straits or oceans.

Which meant the end wasn't far off.

Thinking of these things while everything was still calm, Xu Ze had wondered whether he was being overly pessimistic — only, he had never really held any optimistic view of it either.

Several tally marks had already been drawn in his notebook. Every day, after adding a new stroke, Xu Ze would count them all over again — like a miser endlessly, over and over, tallying the gold and silver in his hands.

'Why isn't the bed creaking anymore?' Lu Heyang asked suddenly.

'I fixed it a bit.' Xu Ze said. Since that time during summer break, when Lu Heyang had come here before going to Summer Camp — the bed had creaked all afternoon because of them. Although at the time he wasn't sure Lu Heyang would ever come back, the next day Xu Ze had still spent several hours reinforcing the bed with nails and planks, even wrapping all four legs in foot covers.

Lu Heyang reached over and ruffled Xu Ze's already-mussed hair even more, saying: 'What is there that you can't fix.'

Thinking he was tidying his hair, Xu Ze sat there motionless and answered: 'Lots of things.'

Lu Heyang smiled, touched Xu Ze's cheek with the back of his hand — it was very warm. He said: 'I'm leaving.'

'Mm.'

The car pulled out of the compound and stopped by the roadside. Lu Heyang unlocked the door, and Jiang Wen pulled it open and climbed in.

'There's been a change in the Chengxi project — it's not impossible it could end up in the Wei Clan's hands.' Jiang Wen asked. 'Should we put the Underground Club matter out there early?'

'It doesn't matter. Keep investigating — get a clear picture of everyone involved.' Lu Heyang started the car. 'Any leads on Xu Ming?'

'It's a drug case, but the information available is all very vague. If we dig deeper, it might alert the police.'

'Who were his colleagues on the mission?'

'Only three found so far. Two are currently in the Lianmeng Government, one in the Intelligence Bureau.'

All already held important positions — it would be even less possible to get anything out of them or find anything through them. Lu Heyang said: 'Compile the information we have for me first.'

'Understood.'

'Uncle Wen, in a few days I'll need to trouble you to go abroad personally, to find the He Family people.'

Jiang Wen nodded: 'I'll hand off what I'm working on, and set off in a couple of days.'

Lu Heyang had never been particularly curious about what had happened before he was ten — if he didn't remember, then he didn't remember; if it couldn't be found, then it couldn't be found. But that day, under the tree by the wall of the Sanatorium's inpatient building, listening to Xu Ze talk about his childhood, in one very sudden instant, without any reason at all, Lu Heyang had simply decided he had to get to the bottom of it.

No longer clinging only to 'what exactly happened to me', Lu Heyang shifted his angle. In the past ten years, Lu Chengyu had gone through two elections — one, ten years ago, for the Union Council Foreign Minister; the other, four years ago, for the Union Council Chair.

In that election ten years ago, Lu Chengyu's opponent had been He Yi, then the Minister of a specialized council department. Within two years of Lu Chengyu winning the election, members of the He Family began disappearing one by one from the Lianmeng Government and the national government.

Imprisonment, dismissal, disciplinary action — voluntary resignation was the most graceful of exits.

So this time Lu Heyang had started with the He Family, and learned that He Yi's younger brother had settled in some small country. Though he was sorry for the intrusion, he still needed to send Jiang Wen.

'Send a few more people to watch Xu Ze. If he wants to do something, don't block him too much — you might not be able to anyway, though he probably won't get physical with you.' Lu Heyang smiled. 'Stay close. Don't let him get hurt.'

'Understood.'