Chapter 42

Shocked beyond belief, Wen Ran stood up fully, trying to keep his voice down: 'Assistant Fang, where are you? Are you safe?'

'Still in Capital City, I'm fine. I'm calling you from a public phone.'

No time to waste. Wen Ran immediately told him the most important thing: 'I found your mother's suicide note. I photographed it.'

'Really...' Fang Yisen's voice carried a few traces of disbelief, almost drifting. He asked carefully, 'Can we meet?'

'Yeah, right now.'

'Right now? It's a bit late. It's not safe for you to go out alone.'

'It's fine.' Wen Ran said, grabbing his shirt and pulling it on as he spoke. 'Tell me where you are. I'll be there soon.'

'Then I'll wait for you at Wanjiang Park. Be careful on the way.'

'Okay, I'm on my way.'

Waiting for a driver would take too long, so Wen Ran just called a cab. Over twenty minutes later he arrived at Wanjiang Park. He clutched his phone as he walked in, faintly making out a figure under a tree not far away.

Wen Ran ran over. It really was Fang Yisen. He looked okay, just a little tired.

'I brought some snacks from home, eat them on the way.' Wen Ran handed him a lunch box, then pulled a crumpled wad of cash from his pocket. 'This is my pocket money, it's not much, take it.'

'I brought my own money, it's enough.' Fang Yisen took the lunch box. 'Thank you.'

'Also... your mother's letter.' Wen Ran pulled out his phone, opened the album and found the photo. 'I couldn't get the original. I could only photograph it.'

Fang Yisen froze. His expression in that instant was hard to describe. He took the phone, looked at it very carefully for several minutes, then handed it back to Wen Ran. 'Thank you, really. Wen Ran.'

'You don't have to. When you get somewhere new, if it's convenient, send me a message, okay?' Wen Ran didn't ask how Fang Yisen was hiding or where he was going. He just hugged him. 'I hope you stay safe. Maybe we'll see each other again someday.'

Fate always loved to take sharp turns, never giving people time to say a few more words before parting. But Wen Ran was glad. He knew this departure meant escape and freedom for Fang Yisen.

'I will.' Fang Yisen ruffled Wen Ran's hair, then let go. 'Once things settle down, I'll contact you.'

'Goodbye, Wen Ran.' He stepped back, smiled at Wen Ran, then turned and walked into the depths of the night.

When he got home it wasn't too late. Wen Ran showered, thought about it, and sent Gu Yunchi a message: I think I can actually sleep well tonight [moon]

After all, being in Capital City, this good person's reply speed was much faster than when he'd been abroad: Congratulations

Wen Ran: [rose]

Fang Yisen's matter was temporarily settled, but Li Qingwan's photos kept lingering in his mind. It was certain Chen Shuhui and Wen Rui both knew of Li Qingwan's existence and had surveilled her. Why?

The most likely possibility: Li Qingwan had come back looking for him.

At the thought, Wen Ran's heartbeat quickened beyond his control, like seeing light. Li Qingwan was no longer that Violin player who'd disappeared seventeen years ago. She'd appeared four years ago, maybe even tried to find him.

So close, Wen Ran thought. Maybe the day he met his mom was very close.

The next day Wen Rui went out early in the morning and didn't come back until evening, after Wen Ran had already showered. Once home he locked himself in his room again.

Aunt Fang carried dinner upstairs. Wen Ran opened the door and took it from her: 'I'll go. You rest.'

'Okay, okay. Get him to eat something. His body's going to break down at this rate.'

'Mm.'

He pushed the door open. The safe was already cleaned up. Wen Rui sat on the edge of the bed, holding the suicide note in his hands. Wen Ran walked to his side without speaking.

'When the Hospital called me I was in a meeting. By the time I brought Fang Yisen over, his mother had already passed. He didn't get to see her one last time.' Wen Rui suddenly spoke, his voice hoarse like sand had been ground into it. 'Then he got sick. Afraid of the dark. Had to sleep with the light on every night.'

Guilt, regret—all too late, all useless. Wen Ran watched him calmly.

'Not showing him the suicide note wasn't me dangling him.' Wen Rui stared at the chandelier. 'It's because I knew—this was his only hope. Once he saw it, he'd go die without hesitation or attachment. I know him.'

Clatter—the tray tilted in his hands, bowls and cups knocking together. Wen Ran heard his own voice, faintly trembling with disbelief: 'What?'

Fang Yisen saw the suicide note last night. Wen Rui said he'd go die without hesitation or attachment.

Almost unable to stand steady, Wen Ran stiffly set the tray on the nightstand, barely squeezing out a sentence: 'I'm going back to my room.'

Wen Rui tilted his head back, eyes closed, didn't answer.

Back in his room, Wen Ran stood woodenly, his whole body cold. He thought of Fang Yisen's last smile in last night's wind. At the time he'd only felt it was mixed with too many emotions to identify one by one. Now, thinking about it, that was probably a smile of truly deciding to say goodbye.

Losing the ability to think, Wen Ran's head only kept looping one thought: if Fang Yisen really killed himself, I'm the culprit. I killed Fang Yisen.

But he'd only shown Fang Yisen the suicide note because he wanted him to have no regrets—trying to make up for things a little, as best he could. It had never occurred to him that good intentions could hurt people too, that once someone had no regrets they wouldn't necessarily be happy and fulfilled—they might also completely lose their attachments and their will to stay.

For a second, Wen Ran even wanted to go tell Wen Rui—tell him I saw Fang Yisen yesterday, you go find him, tying him back is fine too, I just want to confirm he's safe.

Can't do this, can't do this... Wen Ran's two hands at his sides couldn't stop trembling. He tried to convince himself to calm down first, then think of a way. But a voice kept ringing in his ears, reminding him a whole day had already passed. Too late. No time.

His heart was about to sink to the bottom. Wen Ran lowered his head and vigorously rubbed his face. The last bit of reason and hope suddenly gave a hint—besides Wen Rui, who else had the ability to find out where Fang Yisen was now?

Wen Ran suddenly raised his head. Didn't bother changing his pajamas. Grabbed his phone and ran downstairs fast.

He took a cab to the Villa District. The guard drove a patrol car and brought Wen Ran to Gu Yunchi's Residence door.

His legs went weak after getting out. Wen Ran almost tripped going up the steps. The living room was pitch black. Wen Ran unlocked the front door and stumbled in, didn't see BDH-339, only saw the Rear Garden lights on, thought someone was there.

He stumbled through the living room and out, found it was just the lights on, nothing else. Gu Yunchi couldn't possibly be sleeping this early—maybe still out.

Wen Ran stood dazed in the Garden, breathing fast, his thoughts tangled into a messy knot. He finally remembered to call Gu Yunchi. Fumbling for his Mobile Phone, he was still trying to unlock it when he heard a crisp clink of glass. He turned his head—around him was nothing but empty, dark night. That sound just now might have been a momentary hallucination.

Paused for a second. Wen Ran, as if guided, raised his head to look—on the balcony of the second floor to the upper right, the Alpha stood there.

Gu Yunchi was holding a glass of wine, slightly leaning forward, his elbow propped on the balcony railing, looking down at Wen Ran.

His whole person almost melted into the night sky, his gaze hidden by the thick darkness. Wen Ran looked up at his eyes, opened his mouth, but couldn't make a sound.

How he got back to the living room, how he took the elevator, how he opened the door, how he crossed the room and walked onto the balcony—Wen Ran couldn't remember any of it.

He only heard his own heavy breathing along the way, and the complete peace of mind he felt standing in front of Gu Yunchi.

Gu Yunchi turned and leaned on the railing, looking at Wen Ran without speaking. Wen Ran seemed completely unable to wait—before organizing his words he opened his mouth, voice trembling: 'Can you help me... find Fang Yisen. He might be in trouble...'

'Hasn't he just been out of contact?' Gu Yunchi asked lightly.

'No, that's not it.' Wen Ran took a breath, tried to express clearly. 'He's just hiding. Last night he called me. I went to meet him and showed him the suicide note.'

'But today my brother told me—he didn't show Fang Yisen the suicide note because he was afraid he'd go die after seeing it. I didn't know it would be like this. I showed him the suicide note. What if something really happens to him? Can you help me find where he is now, if he's still safe? I'm worried...'

'Okay.'

The words he hadn't finished were cut off. Wen Ran stared at him. He'd thought Gu Yunchi would ask why he was meddling, why he came to bother him—but he didn't. He just said okay.

Even the next moment Gu Yunchi typed a few words on his phone and sent them. The screen's light shone on his cold white face, in the night like a blurry out-of-focus viewfinder image—without warmth, yet within reach.

Completely unprepared, the boulder on his heart was moved away so easily in an instant. Fresh air rushed back in, eagerly expanding his chest. Under the extreme emotional switch, Wen Ran suddenly gasped, tears started falling uncontrollably—even though he didn't feel sad at this moment.

'Sorry...' he messily wiped his eyes, not knowing what he was even saying. 'Thank you, thank you...'

'Why are you crying.' Gu Yunchi turned off his phone—seeming not to understand, or not to care. Calm and indifferent, as if asking casually, not seeming to care about the answer. 'Why are you crying.'

Wen Ran looked up at him, tears blurring his vision, could only trace a silhouette moved by wind under the deep blue night. Strangely a slowly inflating balloon rose in his body, stuffed full of many questions he'd always avoided and blocked out because he didn't dare think or ask—flowing back from this moment to their first meeting, about those things that happened between them—why send Mobile Phone and Computer, why willing to frankly speak of the funeral, why agree to release Pheromone, why send the model, why not refuse the hug, why send people to save me during the kidnapping, why tell me the secret of the Susceptibility Period, why agree to help me find Fang Yisen...

In the end they collided chaotically into just one question: why are you so good to me? I haven't been able to do anything for you.

The balloon stretched to the breaking point swayed, bulging, trying to pass through his throat and fly out of his body, to ask the question.

Unfortunately the next second, it abruptly and completely exploded when Gu Yunchi reached out to wipe the tears from the corner of Wen Ran's eye.

The explosion sound made Wen Ran's ears ring. In his collapsing thoughts he grabbed Gu Yunchi's wrist, stepped forward, raised his head, and with some effort kissed him on the face.

Just a light press. The contact between lips and face fleeting, so brief as if nothing had happened.

Then what? After the kiss, what? What to do, what to say—Wen Ran had no idea. His thoughts like a string of beads, the chain broken, each one hitting the ground, falling apart, unable to piece together any complete logic or thread. He stood in front of Gu Yunchi, his state comparable to having done something terribly wrong, gradually feeling lost and panicked.

Wen Ran carefully loosened his grip a little, then a little more, hoping he wouldn't look too panicked. Once he let go of Gu Yunchi's hand, he could barely compose himself to go downstairs, leave here, pretend nothing had happened.

Fingertips brushed past wrist skin. Just about to completely separate, Gu Yunchi gripped Wen Ran's hand back.

Wen Ran looked at him in surprise, but his eyes were immediately covered by a piece of ice-cold darkness—Gu Yunchi's other hand was unreasonably cold, covering his eyes. The wind in his ears became clearer. The Alpha's voice came from some unknown direction, a not quite real feeling.

'When will you learn to do these things when your head is clear.'

Gu Yunchi's voice was very low, each word crashing into Wen Ran's ringing ears. Wen Ran struggled to piece them into a sentence, even more lost after understanding. He slightly opened his mouth, tried to explain he wasn't in his Fenqi Period, knew what he was doing.

But before he could make a sound, his wrist loosened. He was pulled forward by Gu Yunchi pressing on his lower back.

The Alpha's presence drew close, carrying a faint smell of alcohol, becoming a soft substance, pressing against his lips.