Chapter 26

Xu Nian's wedding was set for the twelfth of the first lunar month. He and Ye Xuan both found the process troublesome, so they skipped the engagement and went straight to the Wedding Ceremony. Today was good weather, a good day. During his lunch break, Xu Yan was scrolling through his Moments feed and saw Xu Nian had posted two photos—one of two marriage certificates, one of their interlocked fingers wearing matching rings.

Ji Huai and Lu Sen both liked the post.

Xu Yan liked it too. Looking at Ji Huai's and Lu Sen's names, he suddenly wondered whether, when Shen Zhi's wedding day came, he too could feel this released, this calm—openly blessing someone he'd loved as they walked into a new life. Though Shen Zhi didn't need his blessing, and probably wouldn't value it anyway.

A queer man in love with a straight man is a tragedy; a queer man in love with Shen Zhi is a tragedy among tragedies.

He sent Xu Nian a red envelope, pocketed his phone, and headed for the studio. Passing through the lobby, he spotted Lu Sen leaning against the front desk, who shot him a look. Xu Yan turned his head and saw a delicate little princess in sunglasses standing two meters away, arms crossed, chin slightly lifted, looking right at him.

'The boss of Moding Entertainment's younger sister. She's looking for you—I was just about to tell you.' Lu Sen walked over and whispered to Xu Yan. 'A love debt?'

'I don't even know her,' Xu Yan said.

The girl across from him suddenly took off her sunglasses—a very sweet, very pretty face. Xu Yan froze for a second. He recognized her. One glance had been enough to make her unforgettable—the girl he'd witnessed Shen Zhi 'meeting the parents' with that night. Shen Zhi's engagement partner.

'You're Xu Yan, right? Pretty handsome.' The girl looked him up and down. 'I'm Lin Mian. I need to talk to you.'

Why is she looking for me? Xu Yan's head was spinning. If anyone's going to be sought out, it should be Tang Yunyan—Shen Zhi's whole mind is on Yunyan these days. What did Yan Yan do wrong?

'Handle it well.' Lu Sen pressed Xu Yan's shoulder. 'Our Company has a lot of business with Moding.'

Xu Yan forced a smile at Lin Mian. 'Sure, Miss Lin.'

In the meeting room, the two faced each other across the sofa. Lin Mian's gaze, sharp as a small blade, swept Xu Yan from head to toe without missing a spot. Xu Yan had braced himself for the young lady's contempt—but her first words were: 'When are you taking Shen Zhi back?'

'Taking what?' Xu Yan thought he'd misheard. 'Back where?'

'Back to you.' Lin Mian said calmly.

Xu Yan stared for a long moment. 'Miss Lin, I don't understand what you mean.'

Lin Mian suddenly dropped the haughty expression, frowning, looking very agitated. 'Shen Zhi promised me he'd handle it, but yesterday my parents suddenly told me that after the New Year they want me to get engaged to him. Shen Zhi lied to me!'

'No, wait...' Xu Yan couldn't untangle their rich-family drama. He asked, bewildered, 'Handle what?'

'The engagement! The engagement!' Lin Mian stamped her foot hard, furious. 'When our parents brought up the engagement, Shen Zhi told me not to worry, said he'd handle it. And then? And then?!'

She gritted her teeth. 'I called him, he wouldn't pick up. I went to his Company to find him, his assistant said he was busy. I can see he has no intention of keeping his promise to me. Scumbag!'

Her voice was getting louder. Xu Yan waved a hand, head aching. 'Wait, Miss Lin—haven't you two already officially met each other's parents?'

'When?' Lin Mian asked, puzzled.

'Uh...' Xu Yan thought for a few seconds. 'About two months ago, at a French restaurant.'

Lin Mian thought for a long while with that very pretty but apparently not very functional head of hers, then said: 'Just that one time. Before Shen Zhi and I went, we had no idea they'd suddenly bring up the engagement.'

'You two looked pretty happy when you came out of dinner,' Xu Yan said with a small smile.

'That was an act! In the middle I went to the restroom, and when I came out Shen Zhi was waiting for me in the hallway. I thought he might have some interest in me—after all, I'm that pretty, and we grew up together, right? But then Shen Zhi told me not to take it to heart, not to worry, told me not to lose my temper at the table and just finish the meal.'

Xu Yan said nothing. Lin Mian kept going: 'Shen Zhi—everyone in our circle knows he's with men. But the parents just play dumb. What does it matter if they marry their kid off for money? Do you know how many blind dates his parents set up for him before? You must know—you've been furious about it plenty of times, right? Shen Zhi never went to a single one. He's been in a cold war with his family over it for ages.'

He had to admit, sudden truths like this had a way of unsettling the heart. Xu Yan had known none of it—not that Shen Zhi had refused countless blind dates, not that he'd gone cold-war with his family over it, not that the 'meeting the parents' he'd witnessed with his own eyes had this hidden story behind it. Even that last straw that broke the camel's back, the thing that finally woke him up—the engagement—wasn't real either. But so what?

The rift between them had nothing to do with any engagement, in the end. It was Shen Zhi's attitude toward their relationship from start to finish—he didn't love Xu Yan. That was the root of it.

'Mm.' Xu Yan nodded. 'So you're looking for me because you want me to get back together with Shen Zhi, so his parents give up?'

'Exactly.' Lin Mian nodded, relieved, with an expression that said 'after all this, you finally get it.' 'That's it. With you around, Shen Zhi will definitely zip zip zip and have it sorted. I heard that in the two months you've been gone, Young Master Shen has been a complete mess.'

Xu Yan smiled faintly. 'Miss Lin, don't believe rumors, don't spread them.'

'What do you mean? Shen Zhi's come running to your place how many times now? The other day Shen Zhi's mom—Auntie Meng—was having afternoon tea with my mom, and I heard everything they said!'

'He doesn't come here for me, and you shouldn't be coming to me either.' Xu Yan sighed, weary. 'I'm not the one who can make Shen Zhi zip zip zip and solve your problem, Miss Lin. Sorry.'

'Mr. Xu!' Lin Mian slammed the table. 'Aren't you and Shen Zhi in love? Is getting back together and doing me this one favor really that hard?!'

In love—Xu Yan looked at Lin Mian for a long moment with his mouth slightly open, as if he'd just heard the most absurd joke in the world. Finally he laughed, helplessly. 'Miss Lin, I think you've got it wrong.'

'Shen Zhi has no feelings for me. It's all been one-sided on my part. We didn't break up because of some passing anger. Shen Zhi has someone he likes, so your engagement will be resolved eventually. Don't worry too much.'

But Lin Mian looked back at him with an equally absurd expression. 'You're joking, right?'

'A man like Shen Zhi would live with someone he didn't like for four years? Would pick fights with his family over someone he didn't like? There was this jerk once—he said to Shen Zhi's face that two men in bed was nothing to write home about, couldn't figure out why Shen Zhi would end up living with a guy. The next thing you know, a major project that jerk had his eye on got snatched up by Shen Zhi. Later his dad tore into him, and he went to the Company in person to apologize to Shen Zhi. Shen Zhi didn't even look at him.'

'Those words really weren't pleasant. I'd be angry too if it were me—totally normal, has nothing to do with who he's living with.' Xu Yan stayed calm. He pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Alright, Miss Lin, I still have work. I really can't help you with this. Sorry.'

Lin Mian stared at him for a few seconds with a chaotic expression, then grabbed her little bag and left in a huff.

Xu Yan sat quietly on the sofa for a while, then got up and went to the studio.

The whole afternoon Xu Yan was distracted. In the evening he went home—today Xu Nian had gotten his marriage certificate, and was bringing Ye Xuan over for dinner. The atmosphere was much better this time. Though Xu Shen still refused to speak to Xu Yan, at least he'd drink the water Xu Yan poured him.

By the time he got back to the Residential Area it was nearly ten. Xu Yan's eyelids drooped; he felt so tired. He couldn't help thinking of Lin Mian's words, that question whose answer he couldn't find—why had Shen Zhi lived with him for so long.

He couldn't figure it out. He'd never been able to. Four years ago Shen Zhi had said 'let's try,' and Xu Yan hadn't really held out much hope at the time—always anxious, always expecting Shen Zhi to kick him out the next second. But he hadn't. Somehow they'd lasted four years.

Those four years should have been precious, should have been good. But they'd been full of coldness, neglect, harm. Xu Yan was left with the aftereffects, unable to connect those four years with 'love' or 'liking.' The combination was absurd no matter how you looked at it—tell anyone and probably only Lin Mian would believe it.

Ding—the elevator doors opened. Xu Yan stepped out, looked up, and saw someone standing at his door. He was no longer surprised.

Shen Zhi must have come straight from the Company—he was still in his suit under his overcoat. When his eyes met Xu Yan's, his fingertips moved unconsciously. Xu Yan dawdled to the door, and only then did Shen Zhi ask softly, 'Were you very tired today?'

What the hell kind of tone is that? Unheard of. If he'd spoken to Xu Yan like this for the past four years, then Lin Mian's so-called 'being in love' might really have a one percent chance of being true. But unfortunately, this was the first time Xu Yan had detected in his voice that rare quality that could be called tenderness.

'The other night when you were drunk, I told you to stop bothering me. Maybe you didn't hear clearly.' Xu Yan looked up at him. 'Want me to say it again today?'

Shen Zhi lowered his eyes. 'I heard you.'

Xu Yan smiled slightly, then said suddenly, 'Lin Mian came to find me today.'

Shen Zhi looked up at once, brow creasing slightly. 'She and you...'

'She's very cute.' Xu Yan held Shen Zhi's gaze. 'But I think she's got the wrong idea.'

He said, word by word: 'She said you like me.'

Lin Mian had said 'in love,' but that word was too hard to say—it didn't fit them at all. And his own feelings for Shen Zhi didn't need rehashing. So Xu Yan only said 'she said you like me.' He did genuinely want to know—why Shen Zhi had been with him for four years, why he kept showing up one after another. It had become a curiosity divorced from emotion—of course he didn't really expect to hear an answer. He just wanted Shen Zhi to understand: if you don't like me, there's no need to meet again. No meaning to it.

Shen Zhi visibly froze. For an instant his eyes looked lost—and to Xu Yan, the expression seemed to say: Right, I don't like you, so why am I here?

How pointless. Xu Yan gave a self-mocking little laugh, turned back to open the door. The key turned twice; he pressed the handle and was about to push the door open when his wrist was suddenly seized. He looked down and saw the thin gauze on the back of Shen Zhi's hand, a little blurred in the shadow. Shen Zhi's hand was still this cold. He wondered if the back of the hand would scar...

Lost in these tired, aimless thoughts, Xu Yan suddenly heard Shen Zhi say: 'She wasn't wrong.'

'She said you like me.'

'She wasn't wrong.'