Chapter 19

Early July, a midsummer night.

The campus was deserted. It took ten minutes to run from Dormitory Building No. 3 to Dormitory Building No. 12. As Su Xingchuan ran against the wind, he kept one hand busy smoothing his hair and pressing down his collar. By the time he reached Li Xuan's dormitory building, panting, he looked up and saw Li Xuan already waiting by the steps. He had been waiting for a long time.

Li Xuan was wearing a mustard-green striped pajama set.

He looked like a piece of matcha rice cake.

The yellowed incandescent light illuminated the crown of his head, casting a warm, soft glow over him. The evening breeze swirled around him.

He spotted Su Xingchuan too. His eyes suddenly widened. First, he looked down with a hint of shyness, but the corners of his mouth slowly curled up.

His feelings were completely exposed.

He hadn't even had time to change out of his pajamas before racing downstairs.

All for a kiss.

On the way over, Su Xingchuan had no time to think about whether he was doing something against the norm. He didn't consider how he'd face his parents later or how he'd deal with what people would say. He didn't want to think about any of that. All he wanted was to hold Li Xuan, kiss him, and make him smile happily, so Li Xuan wouldn't have to beg pitifully for time to stop. Right now, time was the one thing Su Xingchuan had plenty of.

On the last few steps, he slowed down. Li Xuan didn't move either.

Li Xuan had sensed Su Xingchuan's feelings. He knew Su Xingchuan had already fallen for him, so he was acting spoiled and taking advantage of his favor.

He didn't step down from the stairs, just tilted his head and watched Su Xingchuan.

The standoff lasted less than two seconds.

Standing on the steps, Li Xuan was just a little taller than Su Xingchuan. The corners of his mouth kept lifting higher and higher, almost impossible to press down. Su Xingchuan smiled too. 'What are you laughing at?'

Li Xuan shot back, 'What are you laughing at?'

Su Xingchuan didn't answer. Li Xuan asked a question he already knew the answer to: 'It's only five minutes to midnight. What are you doing here?'

As he spoke, his eyes sparkled with a shifting light. When he looked at Su Xingchuan, he acted all innocent, eyes wide and round, as if he didn't understand anything. But in truth, he understood everything.

Su Xingchuan couldn't hold back anymore. He wrapped his arms around Li Xuan's waist and lifted him up.

The faint scent of Li Xuan's body wash hit him straight on.

Li Xuan's slender waist and soft cotton pajamas made Su Xingchuan's heart race. Suddenly finding his feet dangling in the air, Li Xuan yelped in surprise and immediately threw his arms around Su Xingchuan's neck, crying out softly, 'Don't let go!'

Su Xingchuan deliberately teased him, spinning him around once before setting him back down steadily on the steps. When it was over, Li Xuan still clung to him as if he hadn't had enough. 'That was so childish.'

After saying that, a few seconds passed, and then he said, 'Do it again. Spin me around one more time.'

A few low chuckles rumbled from Su Xingchuan's chest.

Who was the childish one here, really?

'Su Xingchuan.' Li Xuan's emotions gradually settled. He straightened up and asked, 'Have you made your decision?'

Su Xingchuan still had both hands around Li Xuan's waist. 'Honestly, I'd already made my decision the moment I threw away the train ticket today.'

Su Xingchuan had lived twenty self-contained, precocious years, but because Li Xuan came into his life, he was about to steer onto an unknown path. But as long as Li Xuan stayed by his side, there was nothing to be afraid of.

He said, 'I like you.'

His tone was gentle and utterly certain.

Li Xuan's lashes quivered. His breathing went unsteady.

He would always remember this midsummer night in early July, when the lingering heat of the air gradually faded into gentle breezes, when glittering stars dotted the cyan sky, when the world around them went silent and all that remained was the wild beating of their two hearts and the mingling of their breath.

First love is a gift from heaven.

Su Xingchuan asked, 'Can I kiss you?'

Before, it had been Li Xuan who cheekily asked, 'Can I kiss you?' Now the tables had turned; Su Xingchuan was the one asking for a kiss.

But Li Xuan was still the more forward one.

He didn't answer. Instead, he leaned in and pressed a kiss—a very, very light kiss—onto Su Xingchuan's lips.

Before Su Xingchuan could even feel the soft warmth of those lips, before he could properly taste Li Xuan, Li Xuan was already shyly pulling back. His gaze was flustered, his lips kept pressing together, his cheeks and the tips of his ears flushed crimson. He hid both hands behind his back.

Su Xingchuan suddenly felt like laughing.

A spoiled little flirt who professed love but shrank back at the real thing. And here he'd thought Li Xuan was so bold.

Su Xingchuan tightened the hand he had around Li Xuan's lower back just a little, pulling Li Xuan right up against him again. Before Li Xuan could react, Su Xingchuan sealed his lips, ignoring Li Xuan's stiffness, and deepened the kiss.

A very deep, very long kiss.

From clumsy to skillful, a current like electricity shot through their whole bodies.

In a break between kisses, Su Xingchuan reminded him, 'Baby, don't hold your breath.'

Only then did Li Xuan get a breath of fresh air. The next second, he kissed Su Xingchuan again.

Su Xingchuan thought: How is he this cute? His face is cute, his wheedling is cute, even his pajamas are cute. They say that if a woman finds a man cute no matter what he does, she's a goner. The same goes for Su Xingchuan.

He was a goner, beyond saving.

Their story began in a cramped, dim alleyway. Their love began under an old lamp outside the dormitory building. Li Xuan stood on the steps, arms around Su Xingchuan's neck, their lips and tongues intertwined.

No one knew how long they kissed before they finally parted.

Li Xuan was still reluctant to let go. He leaned against Su Xingchuan's chest and said, 'Don't go tomorrow either, okay?'

What reason did Su Xingchuan have left to insist on going?

He said, 'Okay, I won't go.'

Neither of them had brought a phone, so they had no idea what time it was. Su Xingchuan said, 'It's too late. Let's go back and sleep first.'

Li Xuan clung to Su Xingchuan's arms, refusing to move.

Su Xingchuan thought for a moment, then said, 'Tomorrow morning, I'll come bring you breakfast. I'll deliver it right to your dorm door. How about that?'

'I'll end up sleeping in.'

'You'll sleep in tomorrow morning too?'

Li Xuan pretended not to care, his fingertips playing with Su Xingchuan's hair. He deliberately said, 'Why couldn't I?'

It seemed he was certain Su Xingchuan would yield to his every wish.

'You can sleep as long as you want. When you wake up, just send me a message and I'll bring the breakfast over. Would that work?'

When Li Xuan was happy, his eyes sparkled like little lights.

'Fine,' he said, turning away just a little but still reluctant. 'Then I'll head back to sleep.'

Su Xingchuan watched him go.

Li Xuan walked toward the entrance. Halfway there, he suddenly heard Su Xingchuan call his name. Before he could turn around, Su Xingchuan came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him.

'One more kiss,' Su Xingchuan said, his voice husky.

Li Xuan immediately spun around, threw himself onto Su Xingchuan, cupped his face, and kissed him on his own initiative.

Li Xuan asked, 'Will you dream about me tonight?'

'I always dream about you.'

Su Xingchuan watched Li Xuan walk into the dormitory building.

His heart was still leaping with joy.

Starting today, he had a boyfriend.

.

In the first couple of days after they made it official, Su Xingchuan was still fairly restrained, and Li Xuan occasionally got shy. They stopped at kissing.

By the fifth day, Su Xingchuan's mother called, asking when he was coming home. Li Xuan got anxious. He plopped right down into Su Xingchuan's lap, the corners of his mouth drooping, and gazed at him pitifully.

He mouthed, 'Don't go home!'

Su Xingchuan had no choice but to keep making excuses to fob off his mother.

His mother found it odd, but didn't press further.

After hanging up, Su Xingchuan wrapped his arms around Li Xuan's waist, looking a little dazed. He still hadn't figured out how to tell his parents about this.

Li Xuan told him not to say anything for now. His tone was full of childishness: 'Let's just happily date first, don't think about all that.'

Su Xingchuan laughed in spite of himself. 'Fine.'

Li Xuan leaned against Su Xingchuan's shoulder and suddenly asked, 'Su Xingchuan, you said you always dream about me. What do you dream about?'

He looked steadily at Su Xingchuan.

Su Xingchuan was about to go back soon. He had to do something.

Su Xingchuan's hand, which had been resting on Li Xuan's lower back, slowly slid downward. 'You want to know?'

Li Xuan got shy again. He threw his arms around Su Xingchuan in a big bear hug, avoiding Su Xingchuan's burning gaze, and mumbled, 'I want to know.'

He tended not to use subjects when he spoke.

Which made him sound even more coquettish.

His dreams were filled with Li Xuan's voice.

He was too fond of acting spoiled. He always spoke with a constricted throat, all sticky and sweet, dragging out the ends of his words. Especially when holding Su Xingchuan, his breath would spill onto Su Xingchuan's ear, and he'd twist his body, his calves brushing back and forth against Su Xingchuan's legs.

Su Xingchuan felt the images go clear and then blurry, in fits and starts.

After seven years, many details had been lost.

He wanted to recall the scene of the first time he took Li Xuan to a hotel, but his mind defied him. Instead, it suddenly played back the scene of their breakup. That day, he had grabbed Li Xuan's arm, his eyes red, and asked, 'What happened? What's going on? Baby, we can solve whatever it is together. Let's not break up, okay?'

Li Xuan's tears fell before Su Xingchuan's.

He seemed frightened, but he refused to ever say what he was afraid of. He just choked out, 'No, no...'

He forcefully broke free from Su Xingchuan's embrace.

'Let's break up, Su Xingchuan.'

'Li Xuan—'

Su Xingchuan opened his eyes, gasping for breath, a cold sweat on his forehead. He saw the familiar ceiling.

It was his home, not the hotel room in downtown Jiangcheng where he and Li Xuan had first stayed together, nor the campus of A University.

Another dream.

.

It took Su Xingchuan a long moment to recover, and only then did he notice his phone alarm vibrating at his ear. He reached out and turned it off.

7:20. Time to get up for work.

It had been a week since the meal at Sizhuan Restaurant that ended on a sour note. He was still embedded at Zhongjin doing due diligence.

There hadn't been the friction with Xu Zhengdong that he'd anticipated.

He was too busy. Xu Zhengdong was even busier, away on business for a few days, then rushing from meeting to meeting for the company's IPO.

Finally today, when Xu Zhengdong came out of the conference room, the Secretary was on the phone with Su Xingchuan, coordinating some market research.

That was when he remembered Su Xingchuan.

He went to the temporary office where Su Xingchuan was working and knocked on the door. Su Xingchuan was inside writing a report. Xu Zhengdong walked straight in. Su Xingchuan immediately stood up and greeted him with a 'Mr. Xu.'

He was polite, but his face was expressionless.

Xu Zhengdong hadn't expected him to switch to calling him 'Uncle,' but he also hadn't expected to still be receiving such a frosty 'Mr. Xu.'

Xu Zhengdong hesitated slightly. He had thought Su Xingchuan and Xiao Xuan's relationship must have already been restored. Could it be that—

No way. He'd created such a good environment for them to reconcile. If they still couldn't get back together, it only meant these two kids were just not fated to be.

Had he really misjudged?

He pulled out a chair and sat down, asked a few questions about the listing, then cut straight to the main topic.

'Xiao Xuan went to Shenzhen for training these past few days, some kind of fusion project training. He only got back yesterday.'

He was trying to bring up a topic.

But from Su Xingchuan's perspective, hearing those words only sounded like Xu Zhengdong was showing off, a kind of demonstration and pressure.

He lowered his head and tidied up some paper documents. 'Really? I wouldn't know.'

He truly didn't know. He hadn't been in touch with Li Xuan all these days. Even though he'd frequently dreamed about scenes from seven years ago, he had no standing to disturb Li Xuan's life.

Seeing Su Xingchuan's despondent expression, Xu Zhengdong was momentarily speechless.

He had guessed right after all.

They hadn't reconciled.

So this guy only dared to talk big in front of him, but in front of Xiao Xuan, he didn't dare say a single word?

Xu Zhengdong was so angry his blood pressure spiked.

As expected, no breakup in this world happens without reason. This guy simply wasn't right for Xiao Xuan.

He abruptly stood up, shook his head, left behind the words 'you can't carve rotten wood,' and walked off in a huff.

'...' Su Xingchuan stood there stunned.

He was completely baffled, with no idea what was going on.

Just then, Xie Liang sent him a message: [I followed my in-laws to a master to find an auspicious date, and we finally set the wedding date—the third day of the Lunar New Year.]

Su Xingchuan replied: [Congrats, groom-to-be.]

Xie Liang: [Cherish your freedom. My wife and I are going for a premarital checkup these days, and that's not even enough. My wife also told me to go to a Men's Health Hospital today to check my sperm quality. I really don't want to go to a place like that, but I can't not go. It's driving me crazy.]

Su Xingchuan comforted him: [There's nothing to be embarrassed about.]

Xie Liang: [I almost forgot, you just went there and got knifed hahaha, and your ex-boyfriend was the one wielding the knife.]

Su Xingchuan: [...]

What was with today? Why was everyone mentioning Li Xuan in his ear? He already couldn't forget him, and now it was even harder.

Su Xingchuan sat in his office chair, gazing out at the tall buildings outside the window. Then he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

On the other side, Li Xuan had just stepped off the operating table.

He was equally exhausted, sitting in a chair and rubbing his temples.

He hadn't been sleeping well these days.

After breaking up with Su Xingchuan, he'd become extremely insecure for a while. Originally, he never had trouble sleeping in a strange bed, but now he did. He could only fall asleep in the big bed he'd slept in for many years at home.

Traveling for work was torture for him. Tossing and turning all night without sleep was common, and on top of that, he had things weighing on his mind.

The day when he'd asked Su Xingchuan, 'I want to know how important I was to you back then,' Su Xingchuan's answer had been, 'important.'

On sleepless nights, he kept turning those words over and over in his mind.

But every time he caught himself thinking about things like whether there was still a chance between him and Su Xingchuan, he'd fall into a spiral of self-reproach and self-loathing. Su Xingchuan already had a partner, and yet he was still having thoughts about trying to win him back. It was utterly unforgivable.

He kept massaging the bridge of his nose to ease his headache.

But his mind still couldn't settle.

It wasn't until another doctor called him to the outpatient department, saying the chief wanted to see him, that Li Xuan immediately got up.

He walked through the glass skybridge corridor of the Men's Health Hospital to the outpatient department, heading toward the elevator to go to the fifth floor. Since it was a workday, there weren't too many patients at the hospital, and the lobby was relatively quiet.

Wearing a mask, with a gloomy expression, Li Xuan stood in front of the elevator.

A dozen or so seconds later, the elevator doors opened.

Inside were only a man and a woman.

Li Xuan kept his head down and stepped sideways into the elevator. Just as he pressed the button for the fifth floor, he seemed to suddenly want to say something. He abruptly lifted his head and looked toward the two people who had just exited the elevator.

Was that... Xie Liang?

Ignoring the elevator doors about to close, he walked straight out, took a few steps forward after them, and looked carefully.

It really was Xie Liang.

Xie Liang was walking with a young woman in a wool coat. The woman had her arm looped through Xie Liang's, occasionally turning her head to say something with a smile. Xie Liang raised his hand and put it around the woman's waist.

Li Xuan stood frozen in place.

Xie Liang... Xie Liang wasn't Su Xingchuan's boyfriend?