18

Su Xingchuan took a taxi back to school.

He didn't dare pause for a second, didn't even dare message Li Xuan — he was afraid of getting a reply he didn't want, afraid he'd bolt again. So he dragged his suitcase all the way to the foot of Li Xuan's dorm.

Only then did he dare call Li Xuan.

It rang a few times before Li Xuan finally picked up.

His voice was all pouty and aggrieved: 'What do you want?'

Not cold, not deliberately distant — it was the involuntary hurt after being rejected over and over, a little temper tantrum.

Su Xingchuan's hanging heart finally settled.

Both of them had been faking it.

He faked not liking him; Li Xuan faked giving up.

They were both really just testing each other.

'I'm at your dorm,' Su Xingchuan said.

The other end went silent for a full thirty seconds. Then Su Xingchuan heard a door slam, footsteps bounding down the stairs, breathless panting — and the next second Li Xuan burst through the dormitory entrance.

Rushed right up to him.

His eyes were red-rimmed. So was the tip of his nose.

Su Xingchuan thought he looked so pitiful. When you like someone, you become that pitiful.

Su Xingchuan asked, 'Weren't we supposed to just be friends?'

Li Xuan didn't say a word.

Su Xingchuan leaned down a little to meet his eyes. 'I thought after you sent that message, you were going to cut me off completely.'

Li Xuan grabbed the handle of Su Xingchuan's suitcase and pulled it toward himself, not letting him leave. His voice carried a mix of hurt and a faint, self-satisfied triumph. 'If you'd just got on that train without a word, I never would have spoken to you again.'

That familiar tone — Su Xingchuan's heart steadied at once.

'How many more days until your birthday?'

'The fifth. July fifth.'

Su Xingchuan did the math. 'Four days then.'

Li Xuan's eyes fell on the suitcase and he suddenly remembered. 'Wait — you — you went to the station? So your train —'

'Didn't have time to get a refund. Came straight back.'

The tips of Li Xuan's ears instantly went red. He stammered, 'How come you didn't even have time to refund it? You could've changed the ticket.'

'I was afraid a certain someone would be crying in his dorm.'

Anyone else would have said, 'I wasn't crying.'

But Li Xuan wasn't anyone else.

He said right away, 'I did cry. I felt so awful.'

Su Xingchuan couldn't help laughing.

Li Xuan pouted at him. 'Don't laugh.'

'Where's the cake?' Su Xingchuan gave Li Xuan's ear a little pinch. 'Come on, let's eat. We'll celebrate your birthday early.'

Li Xuan didn't move.

'What's wrong?'

Li Xuan asked quietly, 'After your birthday... are you still leaving?'

Su Xingchuan said deliberately, 'Maybe. We'll see.'

Li Xuan's eyes dimmed at once.

'I'd need to see if there's a ticket back to Ling'an.'

Li Xuan immediately snatched Su Xingchuan's phone and stuffed it into his own pocket, saying with a cover-up that fooled no one, 'No tickets. They're all gone.'

Su Xingchuan didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Li Xuan kept his head down and asked, almost to himself, 'Su Xingchuan, can't you stay today?'

'If I stay, what would we do?'

Li Xuan took a step forward, edging closer until he was nearly leaning against Su Xingchuan's chest, then stopped. He lifted his head and their eyes met — both catching something in the other's gaze that felt different from before. Li Xuan parted his lips. 'Could you... be my boyfriend for one day?'

Su Xingchuan froze.

He should have known. From the very start, back in that narrow, dim alley, he'd already fallen under Li Xuan's spell.

Li Xuan's tricks weren't exactly sophisticated — too direct, all his schemes right there in his eyes. It was sheer, clingy persistence, pushing for a little more every day. But Su Xingchuan was never able to refuse.

Li Xuan didn't have much confidence. He mumbled, 'Just one day. This time tomorrow you can go home.'

Su Xingchuan's heartbeat was deafening.

One day. What would happen in one day? He didn't know.

After a few seconds of silence, he said, 'Okay.'

A smile broke across Li Xuan's face in an instant.

Su Xingchuan thought, as long as he doesn't cry, anything's fine.

Li Xuan left Su Xingchuan's suitcase by the dorm auntie's door, then went upstairs to get the cake and handed it to Su Xingchuan.

A modest five-inch chocolate cream cake.

It had two little figures on top.

Su Xingchuan took it.

Li Xuan protested, 'Aren't you even going to look at the two little figures?'

So Su Xingchuan lifted the cake to look. Both were boys, sitting side by side. Just as expected. He chuckled softly. 'How did you explain this to the cake shop?'

'Didn't need to explain. Just paid extra.'

'…'

As they were about to set off, Su Xingchuan caught a glimpse of Li Xuan standing frozen by his suitcase, head tilted, watching him. He didn't understand at first. 'What?'

Then Li Xuan stretched out a hand, and he got it instantly.

Right. One-day boyfriend.

They had to hold hands even while walking.

Sometimes Su Xingchuan felt Li Xuan was born to be his undoing. 'Boyfriend for one day' — only he could come up with that.

He took Li Xuan's hand.

Li Xuan immediately crooked his fingers to hook them together. Their hands clasped tight. Su Xingchuan gave a slight pull, and Li Xuan was drawn up right in front of him.

Li Xuan stuck to him at once.

Li Xuan really was clingy. He pressed against Su Xingchuan's arm the whole way there, and once they reached the restaurant he insisted on sitting on the same side.

'Go sit opposite.'

Li Xuan shook his head firmly. 'No.'

Su Xingchuan gave up and set the menu in front of him.

'Order.'

Li Xuan tilted his head. 'Your treat?'

'Yeah, my treat,' Su Xingchuan told him. 'I've got a scholarship. It's enough to keep you happy for a day, unless you want king crab or geoduck — then I can't afford it.'

Li Xuan rested his chin on Su Xingchuan's arm, voice very docile. 'I don't like those.'

'What do you like?'

'Shrimp. Freshwater shrimp. Braised or steamed, I like them both. But I don't like peeling them.' Li Xuan never hid how spoiled he was.

'So you want me to peel them for you?'

Li Xuan opened his mouth, chewing at the air as if feasting, while both his legs had already stealthily draped themselves over Su Xingchuan's legs.

Li Xuan loved hanging off Su Xingchuan like an ornament.

Though the position wasn't comfortable for Su Xingchuan, he let him do as he pleased. He asked, 'That message you sent today — was it on purpose or for real?'

'If you came back, it was on purpose. If you didn't, it was for real.' Li Xuan was no fool; he was cunning.

Su Xingchuan laughed.

'But I knew you'd come back.'

'Why?'

'Because...' Li Xuan leaned close to Su Xingchuan's ear and whispered, 'You've already fallen for me.'

His voice was a tingly, numbing caress. Su Xingchuan's heart trembled along with it. He stared at him for a long time, until the server came over. 'Pardon me, have you finished ordering? Would you like any recommendations?'

Only then did Su Xingchuan snap out of it and clear his throat.

He and Li Xuan leaned together to pick a few dishes, then brought out the cake and stuck a '20'-shaped candle in it. Su Xingchuan borrowed a lighter from the restaurant and lit it. Li Xuan leaned on the edge of the table, the corners of his mouth lifting. The tiny candle flame flickered, bright in his eyes.

'Make a wish, little birthday star,' Su Xingchuan said.

Li Xuan clasped his hands together, head bowed. 'First, I wish for my family's health. Then, I hope that from now on, every year, I can spend my birthday with Su Xingchuan.'

Su Xingchuan watched him quietly.

When he finished, Su Xingchuan couldn't resist teasing. 'You can't say your wish out loud. If you say it, it won't come true.'

'It will. Sincerity makes it work.'

Li Xuan closed his eyes and touched his forehead to his clasped hands, repeating his wish reverently. Then he lifted his head.

He blew out the candle with two quick puffs.

'Happy twentieth birthday,' Su Xingchuan said.

Li Xuan was so happy he bobbed his head from side to side, his legs swinging one after the other over Su Xingchuan's legs. He'd done that before, but never with this much joy. The movement was so vigorous Su Xingchuan had to press down on his knee.

'Where exactly are you kicking?'

Li Xuan suddenly narrowed his eyes. 'Where did I kick?'

Su Xingchuan raised an eyebrow and refused to take the bait. He picked up his glass of lemon water and took a sip.

'I kicked something I need to use.'

Su Xingchuan nearly spat out his mouthful of lemon water. He coughed harshly a few times, then clamped a hand over Li Xuan's mouth. 'Aren't you ashamed?'

Li Xuan's expression was innocent. He shook his head.

'And here I thought you didn't understand anything,' Su Xingchuan said.

Li Xuan began to rock his leg in small movements. 'It's okay. If I broke it, I'd fix it for you.'

'...Thanks, but no thanks.'

Li Xuan suddenly found this unbearably funny. He buried his face against Su Xingchuan's arm and laughed nonstop. Su Xingchuan ignored him.

After dinner, half the cake was left. Su Xingchuan told Li Xuan to take it back to the dorm and share with his roommates. Li Xuan refused.

'Why?'

'I don't want to talk to them.'

Li Xuan started telling Su Xingchuan about his life — his family life and school life, his mom and dad who adored him, and the roommates and classmates he just couldn't get along with. He shrugged. '...But I don't really care. As long as I'm happy, that's enough.'

Strange. Li Xuan lacked friends, but he didn't lack love.

'So are you happy?' Su Xingchuan asked.

Li Xuan nodded. 'Very happy today. Because today I have a boyfriend.' He looked up at Su Xingchuan with big, longing eyes.

Playing innocent again.

The restaurant was too crowded, so Su Xingchuan had to take him outside.

Li Xuan had never seemed to ask: Do you like me? Can you put up with my temper? What do you want me to do?

He just kept telling Su Xingchuan: I like you.

When they walked, he'd secretly take Su Xingchuan's hand and lace their fingers together. When Su Xingchuan responded by brushing his thumb gently across his knuckles, little flowers would seem to sprout on top of Li Xuan's head, and he'd radiate pure delight, his footsteps turning light.

He really was like a child.

After they got together, Yu Qinglan had once asked, curious: 'Su Xingchuan, you're so good to Li Xuan — acting like father and mother both. I'm just wondering, what do you get out of this relationship?'

Su Xingchuan had thought about it and said: 'A very pure kind of love.'

Su Xingchuan's world was full of people; Li Xuan's world had only his family, his kitten, and Su Xingchuan. He asked a lot of love from Su Xingchuan, but he also gave himself over completely, without reservation.

That day, they walked together for a long time.

When Li Xuan said he was tired, Su Xingchuan pulled him into a little pavilion. Sitting inside, you could see the river view in the distance. Li Xuan sat down beside him and batted his eyelashes. Su Xingchuan hesitated a few seconds, then reached an arm around his shoulders.

Li Xuan leaned right into his shoulder. The midsummer breeze was sticky-wet, but the two of them never pulled apart.

Li Xuan fiddled with the hem of Su Xingchuan's shirt.

It was a summer evening. A stroke of tangerine sunset stretched across the sky.

The warm glow fell on Li Xuan's face like a layer of soft gauze. When he looked up, Su Xingchuan was just about to speak to him, and their eyes collided in surprise.

Li Xuan's gaze dropped to Su Xingchuan's lips.

This time, Li Xuan didn't ask: 'Do you want to kiss me?'

Su Xingchuan was the one who leaned in first.

He'd only ever felt Li Xuan's warm, soft lips once before — a kiss pressed to his cheek, light as air, gone in an instant. After that, he'd imagined it in his dreams. The more he imagined, the deeper he fell.

Li Xuan sensed Su Xingchuan was taking the lead.

He held his breath. Their heartbeats raced like raindrops on a bluestone path, a dense, tangled rhythm.

Su Xingchuan drew closer and closer.

Right then, a child's voice piped up nearby: 'Those are two boys! They're hugging!'

A boy on a little bicycle stood not far away, pointing at them and shouting to his playmate and parent.

A flash of confusion crossed Li Xuan's eyes.

Instinctively, Su Xingchuan tightened his arm around Li Xuan's shoulders, making him hide his face against his chest so no one would see him.

Li Xuan stayed motionless, muffled in Su Xingchuan's arms.

The little boy called his mother over. When she saw two tall young men embracing in the pavilion, her expression soured at once — a look of disgust. She muttered a few things under her breath.

Su Xingchuan even covered Li Xuan's ears.

Half a moment later, Li Xuan heard Su Xingchuan say in his ear: 'The kid's gone. It's okay now.'

Only then did Li Xuan lift his head.

He asked Su Xingchuan: 'Is this what you're afraid of?'

Su Xingchuan didn't answer.

Li Xuan lowered his head. Su Xingchuan suddenly reached out and gave his ear a little squeeze. As if the air had gone out of him, Li Xuan slumped against Su Xingchuan's shoulder and gazed out blankly at the distant, glittering river.

Twenty-year-old Li Xuan sighed at the river.

Like a little kitten suddenly burdened with a heavy heart.

Su Xingchuan wanted to say something, but the words stopped at his lips.

He took Li Xuan to a snack street for dinner. He bought him fried skewers and teppanyaki squid. Li Xuan ate until his mouth was covered in sauce and Su Xingchuan teased him for looking like a little calico cat. That made him so mad he tried to wipe his face on Su Xingchuan's clothes; Su Xingchuan dodged, laughing.

The river breeze swept along the embankment. Li Xuan walked with a stick of tornado potato bigger than his face in one hand, and an ice cream in the other. By the time he'd eaten a third, he claimed he was stuffed, so Su Xingchuan had to take them and finish eating.

Li Xuan said, 'I'm happy.'

Su Xingchuan said, 'That's good.'

The riverfront was crowded with people strolling and cooling off, and plenty of kids, so Li Xuan didn't dare cling to Su Xingchuan the way he had in the daylight. They hid in a secluded corner, sitting side by side, watching the light show on the high-rises across the river, listening to the cargo ships chugging past.

Li Xuan suddenly lifted a hand high in front of Su Xingchuan, spread his five fingers, then snapped them into a fist. 'Shoo —'

He said, 'Time has stopped. You have to sit right here with me until the end of the world.'

Su Xingchuan chuckled. 'Oh really?'

But time couldn't stop. When it came time they couldn't avoid parting, Su Xingchuan walked Li Xuan back to his dorm.

Li Xuan said, 'See you tomorrow.'

The one-day-boyfriend term was still half remaining.

Li Xuan looked at him with those big, hopeful eyes.

Su Xingchuan had just started to reach out when students began trickling back to the dorm behind him. He had to let it go.

Su Xingchuan couldn't seem to find the right moment to tell Li Xuan what was in his heart. Li Xuan, too, seemed suddenly preoccupied. From the pavilion back to the dorm, neither of them brought up kissing again.

Su Xingchuan took back his suitcase, watching as Li Xuan headed upstairs — turning back once, twice, three times. The ache of missing him grew deeper.

.

When he got back to his own dorm, his Roommate stared at him, stunned. 'Why are you back?'

Su Xingchuan said offhandedly, 'Missed the train.'

The other roommate burst in, rushing: 'Look! A photo of Xingchuan holding a guy's hand got posted on the confession wall — eh? Xingchuan, weren't you going home?'

Su Xingchuan took the phone and looked at the photo.

It was actually taken straight on.

On the school overpass, he and Li Xuan were walking side by side. Li Xuan liked to walk on the edge of the steps, wobbling like he was on a balance beam. Su Xingchuan held his hand, looking at him and smiling.

So most of the time, it was him looking at Li Xuan.

Who could have guessed that Li Xuan was the one pursuing him?

The Roommate expected Su Xingchuan to be embarrassed, or angry. Instead, Su Xingchuan just smiled and said, 'So cute.'

'Huh?'

Su Xingchuan pointed at Li Xuan. 'Don't you think he's very cute?'

Both roommates: '...'

As if that wasn't enough, Su Xingchuan went on: 'He's going to be a doctor, isn't that amazing? And he's really smart — remembers everything he reads. He's also the top-ranked coddler.'

Both roommates: '... ...'

Su Xingchuan cocked an eyebrow and told the roommates, 'Brothers, I might not be able to help you ask for girls' WeChat numbers anymore.'

The Roommate felt the world go black.

It wasn't until he was lying in bed that Su Xingchuan noticed his mother had called two hours ago. He hadn't answered. She'd also sent a message: [Wasn't today the train? Why aren't you home yet?]

He replied: [A last-minute volunteer activity came up at school. I might not be able to go home for a few more days.]

His mother said okay, and told him not to spend all his time goofing around outside.

The dorm lights went off. The images of their afternoon date still replayed like a slideshow in his head. He thought again of the almost-kiss. He'd really wanted to kiss him, but the moment had slipped away.

He thought: Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll take that step.

A buzz sounded beside him. He opened his eyes.

Li Xuan had sent him a message.

Cat Head: [The more I think about it, the angrier I get.]

Cat Head: [Didn't get to kiss you today.]

Su Xingchuan felt like a cat's claw had scraped across his heart.

He couldn't even wait until tomorrow.

He replied: [Want to make up for it now?]