Chapter 17

Li Xuan still looked completely blank.

Su Xingchuan looked at him and asked, 'Why did you send me congee pretending to be a girl?'

Li Xuan hadn't expected Su Xingchuan to guess so quickly—he was pleasantly surprised and taken aback. He answered softly, 'My uncle said this way it won't affect your reputation, and it's more respectful to you.'

'So you do know you were disrespectful to me before?'

Li Xuan lowered his head, looking pitiful.

'Affect my reputation...' Su Xingchuan's eyes were a little complicated. 'So you think homosexuality affects reputation?'

'I don't think so, but my uncle said not everyone thinks like me.' Li Xuan spoke earnestly.

Su Xingchuan looked at Li Xuan as if seeing him for the first time, his gaze deep. Li Xuan asked, 'Has your fever gotten better?'

Su Xingchuan didn't speak.

Li Xuan watched the people going to and fro below the dormitory building, thought about it, and still took a step back. He said, 'I'm very worried about you.'

Su Xingchuan was just about to be moved.

Then Li Xuan said, 'If we lived together, that would be nice.'

'...'

Li Xuan must have really run around to several shops; his breathing still hadn't steadied, so his cheeks were faintly flushed and the loose strands of hair on his forehead were a bit messy. When he looked up, his eyes were bright, so beautiful it was unreal. Su Xingchuan's mind blanked for a moment. Sometimes he really was like a little cat.

A precious purebred Ragdoll, to be exact.

His gaze dropped, landing on Li Xuan's lips.

Li Xuan noticed Su Xingchuan's stare and first pressed his lips together, then let them part. His lips opened and closed. Su Xingchuan heard Li Xuan ask, 'Do you want to kiss me?'

Su Xingchuan snapped back to his senses abruptly.

As if he'd seen a ghost, his expression changed violently.

'No, how could that be?'

Li Xuan let out a hmph.

Su Xingchuan looked away and said coldly, 'Thanks for the congee. You don't need to send any more. My cold is pretty much gone.'

The sparkle in Li Xuan's eyes slowly dimmed.

'I'll go then.' Li Xuan glanced back at Su Xingchuan again and said softly, 'Get some good rest.'

Su Xingchuan couldn't describe the feeling in his heart.

Sore and weak, swollen.

He watched Li Xuan walk farther and farther away, and suddenly Li Xuan's words popped into his head—'If we lived together, that would be nice.'

Su Xingchuan shivered. What was he thinking?

Li Xuan was truly terrifying. He'd only been around for half a month, and Su Xingchuan's mental world was already a chaotic mess. His twenty-year unwavering straight orientation suddenly felt shaky. He was starting to doubt himself. It... it hadn't changed, right?

How could it change so easily?

Su Xingchuan went back to eat his congee.

The clean fragrance of the plain congee gradually soothed his anxious heart. As Su Xingchuan ate, he thought about it and still transferred money to Li Xuan.

He sent fifty yuan.

Li Xuan refused it.

Li Xuan didn't send 'I hate you' this time, but Su Xingchuan, for the first time, wished he would send something like that.

Sometimes Su Xingchuan felt he was contradictory. He expected Li Xuan to give up on his own, yet he didn't want Li Xuan to actually be hurt.

He waited all evening and didn't get any message from Li Xuan.

He thought: Li Xuan really doesn't know how to chase someone.

But that night, just past midnight, he got Li Xuan's belated message.

Cat Cat Head: [Goodnight.]

Su Xingchuan was taken aback and scrolled up through the chat history.

He counted—sure enough, Li Xuan had sent him exactly ten messages the day before, so tonight's goodnight had to be pushed past midnight.

Su Xingchuan didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Who on earth had agreed with him that he could only send ten messages a day?

But looking at those two words 'Goodnight', Su Xingchuan actually breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't know whether he was relieved that Li Xuan hadn't given up, or relieved that Li Xuan wasn't sad.

In any case, he immediately replied: [Goodnight.]

Below Cat Cat Head, 'the other party is typing' kept flashing. Su Xingchuan guessed Li Xuan was probably deleting and rewriting again. After a few minutes, Li Xuan's message was finally forced out.

Cat Cat Head: [Goodnight.]

Su Xingchuan burst out laughing.

After all that editing... that's it?

The Roommate, who had just come out after washing his face, heard Su Xingchuan laughing and asked curiously, 'What are you looking at that's so funny?'

Su Xingchuan shifted to a different position lying down. 'An idiot.'

.

.

Su Xingchuan's high fever only lasted one night. Luckily he exercised often, was strong and fit, and was young. He took some medicine once, drank plenty of plain water, and the next day he was refreshed and full of energy again.

Sophomore year has the most classes. Su Xingchuan had just come out of a large lecture hall after Probability Theory, bought a can of cola from a vending machine, and then had to hurry to the East Teaching Building for International Finance.

He found a seat two minutes before class and hadn't yet taken out his book when someone sat down beside him.

Familiar scent, familiar feeling.

He turned his head and, sure enough, saw Li Xuan.

Li Xuan was wearing a black short-sleeve shirt today, the same color as Su Xingchuan's. His slender arms swayed inside the sleeves. He blinked at Su Xingchuan, casually took out an International Finance textbook from his bag, and told Su Xingchuan, 'I'm here to audit.'

'...Young master, how did you find your way here?'

'Asked a classmate in your class.'

'You asked?' Li Xuan would proactively add a stranger's contact just to fish for information? Su Xingchuan was skeptical.

Li Xuan was very frank: 'Paid someone to ask on my behalf.'

Su Xingchuan shook his head helplessly. 'What else did you find out?'

Li Xuan said with a straight face, 'Your class schedule and GPA ranking. Your grades are very good. I'm very satisfied.'

Su Xingchuan raised an eyebrow. 'That's an invasion of my privacy. The law school is right next door. I'll have you dragged over there after class.'

Li Xuan held both hands out in front of Su Xingchuan.

Looking like he was waiting to be handcuffed.

Su Xingchuan thought of something, coughed twice softly, and used his fingertip to push away Li Xuan's hand. He said quietly, 'It's been almost half a month and you're still wrapped in gauze. People would think you've got a fracture.'

Li Xuan placed his right hand on top of Su Xingchuan's hand.

Su Xingchuan made to undo the bow on his gauze; Li Xuan, in a huff, shoved his hand into his pocket and wouldn't let Su Xingchuan touch it.

Su Xingchuan chuckled lightly and opened his laptop.

The associate professor came in to lecture. Li Xuan was quite considerate; he didn't bother Su Xingchuan during class, just flipped through the International Finance textbook page by page and sat quietly.

Su Xingchuan had originally found him annoying, but gradually he realized that he was the one constantly watching Li Xuan out of the corner of his eye, observing Li Xuan's every move, while Li Xuan barely moved. Li Xuan seemed quite interested in International Finance. Over the course of the whole class, while the other students were struggling to stay awake, he seriously read up to page forty-two.

He was quite absorbed in it.

When the bell rang, he leaned over to check Su Xingchuan's page number and grinned. 'Your class progress is slower than mine!'

When he wasn't smiling, he was like a cool porcelain doll; when he smiled, the chill melted away and he looked much cuter.

Once again, Su Xingchuan couldn't look away.

'I think this is really interesting.'

Li Xuan pointed to the chapter on 'Balance of Payments'.

He turned the tables and started explaining the International Finance material to Su Xingchuan. People kept glancing over, and Su Xingchuan could hear classmates whispering on his right. In the past, he would have felt uncomfortable; he didn't like being talked about. But now, seeing Li Xuan's nonchalant look, he found he didn't care either.

Li Xuan rubbed his stomach. 'I'm hungry.'

Su Xingchuan dug a small packet of biscuits out of his bag and offered it to Li Xuan. 'Have some of these to tide you over.'

Li Xuan pursed his lips. 'Don't like the sesame flavor.'

Su Xingchuan should have retorted 'eat it or starve,' but his mouth moved faster and he just asked, 'Then what flavor do you like?'

'Milk and cheese.'

Li Xuan was an expert at taking advantage of a situation.

Su Xingchuan said on purpose, 'Eating too many sweets can give you acne.'

Li Xuan shook his head, his legs swinging crossed, and said smugly, 'I've never gotten acne since I was little. My skin is really good.'

Su Xingchuan's gaze shifted from the biscuit in Li Xuan's hand to Li Xuan's face, and his Adam's apple involuntarily bobbed.

It really did seem good.

Delicate and smooth, rosy white.

Stop—

Su Xingchuan suddenly averted his gaze, sat upright facing the lectern, but bumped into Yu Qinglan's amused, teasing gaze. His expression stiffened slightly and he was about to explain when Li Xuan suddenly lifted his little pig trotter and thumped it down onto his arm.

'Don't you look at her,' Li Xuan said huffily.

'...We're childhood friends.'

'Then you're even more forbidden to look!'

Su Xingchuan found that Li Xuan really knew how to push his luck. He said, 'Why? You're not my boyfriend.'

Li Xuan pouted, but Su Xingchuan wasn't buying it. 'Being cute won't work. Anyway, I don't like guys.'

Li Xuan tossed the biscuits back to Su Xingchuan, turned his body away, and continued reading with his back to Su Xingchuan.

Su Xingchuan was seeing Li Xuan angry for the first time and panicked for a moment. He touched his forehead helplessly, ignoring Yu Qinglan's increasingly knowing look from the front, and reached out to touch Li Xuan's shoulder.

'Not eating the biscuits? If you don't, I'll eat them?'

He tore open the package.

Li Xuan ignored him.

At that time Su Xingchuan didn't yet know how to coax Li Xuan; he could only sit there restless and flustered, coughing now and then. Li Xuan wasn't overly delicate at this moment either; sensing Su Xingchuan was trying to get his attention, he gave himself a way out, turned around slowly, and stretched out his hand. 'Give it.'

Su Xingchuan placed the sesame-flavored biscuit in Li Xuan's palm.

Li Xuan took a bite. 'It's okay.'

Su Xingchuan deliberately avoided looking at his puffed-up cheeks like a little squirrel, dodged his gaze, and pretended to be composed as he continued with class.

A few minutes later, Su Xingchuan got a message from Yu Qinglan: [Don't worry, I already told the junior girl not to hold any expectations for a man who finds other men cute.]

...What was that even supposed to mean?

Su Xingchuan felt a headache coming on.

When the class bell rang, Li Xuan tailed him to the canteen.

The evening selection at the canteen was still abundant. Li Xuan dawdled in front of the small-portion dishes window for quite a while before finally picking out food he liked.

Su Xingchuan muttered 'such a young master,' but still saved him a spot and fetched chopsticks and a spoon.

But the chopsticks weren't needed.

This time Su Xingchuan offered to feed him first.

For the first time there was no argument over feeding, and Li Xuan was a little unaccustomed. He was swinging his legs at first, but then, afraid this might be the last meal, he took the spoon halfway through and said with practiced obedience, 'Actually, my hand's fine now. I can eat on my own from now on.'

Su Xingchuan looked at his empty palm.

And felt a bit disappointed.

After leaving the canteen, Li Xuan followed Su Xingchuan to the dormitory building. Before Su Xingchuan could go upstairs, he said, 'Help me unravel this.' He held his right hand up in front of Su Xingchuan.

He finally wasn't using his little pig trotter to play the sympathy card.

'Why suddenly want it off?'

'Showering is a hassle.'

Su Xingchuan pulled him over to the side of the bicycle parking area, and by the light of the streetlamp, unwrapped the gauze on Li Xuan's hand.

Being so close, Su Xingchuan felt uneasy. When he looked up, he found Li Xuan staring at him fixedly, and then Li Xuan pursed his lips.

'Can I kiss you?' Li Xuan asked.

Su Xingchuan didn't bristle this time. He lowered his head, held back his emotions, and refused Li Xuan: 'No.'

He quickly added, 'Not even on the cheek.'

Li Xuan said 'Oh,' and didn't say anything else.

Unwrapping layer after layer of gauze.

Li Xuan's right hand was finally free. The fine blood marks on the back of his hand had scabbed over and healed. He opened his hand toward Su Xingchuan.

'Who wants to see your paw?'

Li Xuan suddenly felt wronged: 'So fierce. You're so fierce to me, but so gentle to classmates and those basketball guys.'

Su Xingchuan was speechless.

Was this the guilty party filing the complaint?

He said with a cold face, 'Those people haven't kissed me.'

Li Xuan quibbled, 'Kissing the face doesn't count. It's not kissing on the mouth.'

He always pursed his lips unconsciously when speaking; his lips looked rosy and soft, blurring and sharpening in front of Su Xingchuan's eyes.

Su Xingchuan was flushed and flustered, his voice hoarse as he said, 'Kissing anywhere counts, and it's all very bad behavior.'

Li Xuan glared at him. 'You obviously care about me a lot.'

Su Xingchuan panicked, raised his voice, and flatly denied it: 'Who says?'

Li Xuan couldn't really say why either, so he just said sullenly, 'Anyway, you care about me a lot. I'm not going to argue with you.'

He threw the gauze into a nearby trash can, turned around, and left, leaving Su Xingchuan alone by the bicycles, dazed.

His heart was racing uncontrollably.

Half an hour later, he finally calmed down. The late summer breeze blew gently as he drifted back to his dorm, dazed and out of sorts.

Before going to bed that night, he received another message from Li Xuan.

Cat Cat Head: [Picture]

Cat Cat Head: [My mom bought little wings for Bobo.]

Li Xuan's silver shaded cat didn't resemble Li Xuan at all. It was chubby and silly, with a face as big as a basin. Su Xingchuan thought: Li Xuan wasn't a silver shaded; he was a Ragdoll, like a little princess.

But he'd never had a Ragdoll, so he didn't know if their temperament was good. Either way, Cat Cat Head's temper was terrible.

He replied: [Oh, cute.]

Cat Cat Head: [He's super well-behaved and very affectionate. You'll know when you meet him someday. Goodnight.]

Su Xingchuan thought he would have trouble sleeping.

But thankfully, not long after closing his eyes, he drifted off into drowsiness.

He had a dream.

In the haze, he walked into an unfamiliar space.

The setting was Li Xuan's living room: a white sofa, by the fireplace, a reddish-brown plaid blanket. He looked around and suddenly saw Li Xuan curled up on the sofa, head tilted, dozing.

He was holding a plump silver shaded cat, which was sleeping soundly in his arms. Sensing Su Xingchuan's approach, the kitty opened its eyes alertly, then whoosh—it dashed off. Li Xuan woke up drowsily, and upon seeing Su Xingchuan, stretched out his hand. His lazy demeanor was no different from a stretching kitten. Su Xingchuan hooked his hand, and Li Xuan grabbed it immediately.

Palm warm, fingertips soft.

Li Xuan fell into Su Xingchuan's arms, draped an arm over his shoulder, and murmured, 'Su Xingchuan, I'm so sleepy.'

Su Xingchuan sat down, and Li Xuan quickly found a comfortable spot in his arms, tilting his body and lying down.

Li Xuan's body was soft and warm, his waist slim. Even through his pajamas, one could see the slight curve of his waist, making one want to place a hand there. His cheeks also drew Su Xingchuan's attention.

He really wanted to pinch him.

He probably wouldn't get annoyed; instead he'd act spoiled.

Li Xuan was a little prince of acting spoiled, the most adept at being coy.

After dozing in his arms for a while, Li Xuan finally woke up. He tilted his head up to look at Su Xingchuan and said, sticky and sweet, 'I'm hungry. I want tomato beef brisket over rice.'

Su Xingchuan pinched his face.

He finally experienced what Li Xuan meant by 'my skin is really good.'

It really was good.

Li Xuan pursed his lips and said, 'Kiss first.'

Su Xingchuan bent down to kiss him, and Li Xuan grew active, wrapping his arms tightly around Su Xingchuan's neck. He whined and whimpered while receiving Su Xingchuan's kiss; he was so pampered.

Su Xingchuan pressed him onto the sofa, and he didn't resist. But when Su Xingchuan lifted the hem of his pajama top and slowly slipped a hand inside, Li Xuan suddenly asked, 'Su Xingchuan, are you still straight?'

—Su Xingchuan, are you still straight?

Su Xingchuan felt his body give a violent shudder.

He opened his eyes and saw the ceiling of the dorm room.

The lingering charm of the dream still remained; Su Xingchuan's chest couldn't stop heaving, his breathing still ragged.

He was really going crazy.

He actually... actually had that kind of dream.

The protagonists of the dream were him and Li Xuan.

When he woke up the next day, he messaged his best friend: [Got a question for you.]

Best friend: [Shoot.]

Su Xingchuan: [So, you know, I'm a straight guy, that's indisputable, but it's possible for a straight guy to dream about another guy, right?]

Best friend: [?]

Su Xingchuan: [In today's society, we should respect and tolerate all sorts of niche groups, and some guys do make you feel protective, so occasionally having some intimate contact, like a kiss or something, is pretty normal, don't you think?]

Best friend: [Chuan, when did you turn gay?]

Su Xingchuan: [ ... I'm straight. ]

Best friend: [ The kind who goes straight for guys when he sees them? ]

.

.

.

Su Xingchuan never would have imagined.

The one being pursued was the one who ended up anxious and insecure.

He waited at the entrance of Canteen No. 1 for twenty minutes, but Li Xuan didn't show. Yu Qinglan passed by him and asked what he was standing there for. Su Xingchuan wanted to ask himself the same thing: What am I doing?

Waiting to eat with Li Xuan?

Irritation, regret, and a sliver of hidden hope all mixed together, leaving him restless these past few days. Last night Li Xuan had asked him to eat at Canteen No. 1. As the one being pursued, he'd not only shown up but stood at the door for twenty minutes—and Li Xuan hadn't come.

He took out his phone, meaning to send Li Xuan a message.

After thinking it over, he still didn't send it.

He turned and went inside with Yu Qinglan. She asked him, 'Where's the little cutie?'

Su Xingchuan frowned. 'What little cutie?'

'That boy. He's really good-looking. I heard he's from the School of Medicine. I can't even picture him standing at an operating table—it'd be like a little cutie trying to look tough.' Yu Qinglan narrowed her eyes and pretended to perform surgery with two chopsticks. 'At first I thought you suddenly turning gay was ridiculous, but then I saw it was the little cutie and I thought, hey, makes sense!'

Su Xingchuan: ' ... I'm not gay.'

Yu Qinglan looked like she'd just heard the joke of the century. She threw on a mocking, singsong tone: 'So what flavor do you like? No playing the victim. You're doing that fake-polite act again—why? It's not like you're my boyfriend. Are you hungry? Hungry? Hungry—'

Su Xingchuan, thoroughly annoyed, cut her off: 'So annoying. Can't even shut you up with food!'

Yu Qinglan raised an eyebrow. 'See? The way you treat me versus the way you treat him.'

Su Xingchuan thought to himself: And even this, he still thinks I'm fierce.

As they were talking, he looked up and saw Li Xuan standing not far away with his backpack, looking around.

Su Xingchuan felt oddly guilty.

The next second, Li Xuan spotted him—and Yu Qinglan sitting across from Su Xingchuan. He hesitated for two seconds, then his face went cold. He turned and walked off to the food counter alone.

Su Xingchuan watched him pick up a tray and head to an empty corner.

He sat down and ate in silence, all by himself.

Two minutes later.

Su Xingchuan sat down across from him.

Li Xuan lifted his eyes, glanced at him, and let out a hmph.

'All you do is play pitiful.'

Li Xuan glared at him. 'My lab ran twenty minutes late, and you were already eating with some other girl.'

Su Xingchuan shrugged, sounding indifferent. 'I never agreed to eat with you.'

Li Xuan turned his head away.

Su Xingchuan couldn't help saying, 'Why such a temper?'

'If you were my boyfriend, I'd be super well-behaved.'

' ... '

Li Xuan started selling himself again: 'I'd never lose my temper at you. I'd even take care of you.'

He pushed the small bowl of pickled fish he'd specially ordered over to Su Xingchuan. 'Bought you something yummy.'

There was no doubt.

Li Xuan had just been faking pitiful to lure him over.

Why else would he have ordered an extra serving of pickled fish?

Li Xuan knew exactly how to handle him.

Su Xingchuan couldn't help asking, 'You ... how many have you dated?'

Li Xuan didn't get it: 'What do you mean?'

'You seem pretty experienced,' Su Xingchuan stammered, unable to say what was truly on his mind. But he was still curious: 'How many boyfriends have you had?'

'Never dated anyone. You're the first.'

Su Xingchuan didn't believe him.

'Really, the first!' Li Xuan was desperate to prove it, but he didn't know how, so he just said, 'I'd be a dog if I'm lying!'

He bumped the tip of Su Xingchuan's shoe with his own.

'I haven't dated anyone, really.'

There was no way to prove it, but Li Xuan never lied.

For some reason, Su Xingchuan felt a faint, tingling sense of pleasure spread through him, something vague and indescribable, as if some deep need had been satisfied. The corner of his mouth lifted.

Li Xuan picked up a piece of pickled fish with his chopsticks and placed it on Su Xingchuan's plate. This time, Su Xingchuan didn't refuse; he picked it up and ate it.

Li Xuan was happy again. He swung his legs back and forth, bumping Su Xingchuan's leg every so often, then started swaying side to side.

Su Xingchuan didn't seem annoyed. He just said, 'Eat your food.'

After they finished eating, he and Li Xuan walked out of the canteen.

Li Xuan dragged him toward the small woods. Su Xingchuan knew perfectly well what was coming, but he let Li Xuan do as he pleased. Li Xuan grabbed his arm and rested both hands on Su Xingchuan's forearm, playing pitiful: 'My hands are so sore. I was doing lab work all morning.'

Su Xingchuan asked what kind of lab work.

He answered honestly.

One jargon-filled specialist term after another rolled off Li Xuan's tongue. Su Xingchuan suddenly remembered what Yu Qinglan had said.

—I can't even picture him standing at an operating table.

Su Xingchuan couldn't picture Li Xuan all grown up either.

In five years, ten years—what would he become?

Would he turn into a boring adult?

Then he thought, if he were always loved by someone with all their heart, living in a loving environment, would he stay this carefree forever?

Li Xuan's hands slowly slid down, his fingers brushing Su Xingchuan's wrist. Without control, Su Xingchuan opened his hand and grasped him.

Li Xuan's hand curled slightly into a fist. Su Xingchuan's hand was a bit bigger, just enough to engulf his.

Li Xuan froze for a moment.

Time stood still. Su Xingchuan could hear Li Xuan's breathing.

Li Xuan looked into Su Xingchuan's eyes, blinked, and wanted to lean in and kiss him but didn't dare. Su Xingchuan's expression didn't change—no refusal, but no permission either. Their breath tangled, and the air heated up.

In the end, Li Xuan could only slump against Su Xingchuan's shoulder, cheek pressed close, mumbling, 'What's wrong with one little kiss?'

Su Xingchuan said heavily, 'Li Xuan, I'm different from you. I can't just walk down a different path like that. I'm afraid I'll regret it later.'

This time Li Xuan understood. He made an 'mm' sound.

Su Xingchuan didn't say 'yes' or 'no'.

He only said, I'm afraid.

He was only twenty. He didn't dare take responsibility for Li Xuan.

Li Xuan didn't mock his cowardice. Instead he leaned on his shoulder and said, 'My uncle told me that if you said yes right away, it'd mean you're not a good person. So I think you're very good.'

The sound of birdsong rose in the little woods, stirring the waters of both their hearts.

Li Xuan said, 'I'm not in a rush.'

June in Jiangcheng was drawing to a close.

Summer break was just ten or so days away, and before it came the dreaded exam week. Both Li Xuan and Su Xingchuan got busy.

They only occasionally ate together or studied together at the Library these days.

The reason they couldn't be together every day was that Su Xingchuan had discovered Li Xuan was just too distracting. Li Xuan would just sit beside him, swing a leg, and Su Xingchuan couldn't stop staring at him.

It was Li Xuan who reminded him: 'Are you done reviewing?'

Su Xingchuan snapped back to reality and said with a straight face, 'I finished ages ago. This is my best subject.'

Li Xuan let out a hmph.

Su Xingchuan mimicked him with a hmph.

In the Library, Li Xuan didn't dare speak loudly, so he had to take out his phone and message Su Xingchuan.

Cat Cat Head: [You were sneaking looks at me.]

Su Xingchuan: [Narcissist.]

Cat Cat Head: [You were definitely sneaking looks. My profile looks good.]

Su Xingchuan let out a snort of laughter.

Li Xuan treasured his daily quota of ten messages. Not planning to expose Su Xingchuan, he put down his phone and continued reading.

This time, Su Xingchuan openly stared at him.

His profile really did look good.

Li Xuan probably hadn't fully grown into his features yet. His profile looked cute now, but once the baby fat was gone and his facial structure became more defined, he'd be even better-looking.

After the last exam, Su Xingchuan waited for Li Xuan outside the lab building but didn't see him come out even after a long while.

He checked the time. By all rights, it should have ended a while ago.

After thinking for a moment, he went inside to look for Li Xuan.

But at the corner of the second floor, he found Li Xuan being stopped by someone.

Li Xuan, backpack on, stood at the stairwell corner, turning his head to look at the boy behind him—a boy a little taller than him.

The boy asked him, 'Are you going home for break?'

Li Xuan thought the question was strange. 'Of course.'

'I ... can I add you on something? I ... I have some lab questions I'd like to ask you about.'

His intentions were obvious.

Su Xingchuan's eyes instantly turned cold.

He shifted slightly, standing outside Li Xuan's line of sight, waiting for Li Xuan's answer.

'But I already have a boyfriend,' Li Xuan said.

He said it plainly, seriously.

Like a declaration.

Su Xingchuan felt his heart clearly skip two beats.

The boy understood too and didn't press further.

Li Xuan walked down and saw Su Xingchuan at the ground-floor corner. His eyes widened in surprise, then he rushed down quickly.

For a moment, both forgot about boundaries.

He threw himself into Su Xingchuan's arms, and Su Xingchuan caught him.

The boy peeked out and saw the scene. Su Xingchuan lifted his eyes to look at him, and the boy's face darkened. Disgruntled, he turned and went back upstairs.

Li Xuan was sharp. He asked directly, 'You heard?'

Su Xingchuan didn't answer.

'Are you happy?' Li Xuan asked with a smile.

Su Xingchuan felt something about to burst out. Along with the jealousy came a restless, stirring feeling. He wanted desperately to suppress it—to suppress this wrong, off-track feeling, something he might very well regret in the future.

But Li Xuan's eyes and lips were right there in front of him.

Was he really going to take this step?

Su Xingchuan wasn't a willful kid like Li Xuan. Ever since he was little, he had been the standard 'model child.' He'd been class president since elementary school, gotten through middle school and high school entrance exams to come to A University. During break he'd go home and watch TV with his parents, help them clean—every relative and neighbor liked him ...

Su Xingchuan had never imagined he'd one day face the question: Should I become gay for this boy in front of me?

Homosexuality—that unknown group.

Should he?

He still couldn't decide.

He let go of Li Xuan and hurried forward in a panic. Li Xuan followed, quickening his pace and grabbing his hand. 'I won't ask anymore, okay? I won't ask! Su Xingchuan, wait for me!'

He used to think Li Xuan had no clue how to pursue someone.

But now he realized just how rare Li Xuan was. He had rejected him for a month, and Li Xuan had chased him for a month—not a single day of letting up.

What had started as annoyance slowly turned into heartache.

The truth was, many times he hadn't wanted to pull his hand back. He'd even dreamed about Li Xuan several times now, each dream more daring than the last.

He knew, if this kept on.

Sooner or later he'd fall.

He'd always been decisive, hating to waste time. But on this, he was hesitating, leaving it unresolved.

With a mindset of escape, he packed his luggage.

Li Xuan sent him a message.

Cat Cat Head: [My birthday is in a few days. Since you're going home, we can't spend it together.]

Cat Cat Head: [I bought a cake. Let's celebrate early at that restaurant next to school, okay?]

Li Xuan had already compromised this much.

Su Xingchuan felt his heart grow heavier and heavier, until it ached.

He replied: [I bought a ticket back to my hometown for this afternoon, 2 p.m. I probably can't make it.]

Li Xuan didn't reply for a long time.

He'd bought the ticket a month ago, before he'd even met Li Xuan. Train tickets from Jiangcheng to Ling'an were hard to get, and he couldn't just refund it. His mom was waiting for him to come home.

Su Xingchuan told himself: Forget it.

Just pretend Li Xuan had never appeared. I can't become gay. I can't date a boy.

He lacked understanding of this group. He'd only heard some negative news, so he was afraid of the unknown.

He'd always been steady and grounded. He couldn't do something so unconventional.

The train was at two in the afternoon. He arrived at the station at noon.

Sitting in the waiting hall, he checked the time repeatedly.

Time seemed to move faster because of his anxiety. He really wanted to reply to Li Xuan, knowing Li Xuan must be heartbroken right now. He wanted so badly to soothe him.

But there were only twenty minutes until departure.

In the end, he couldn't hold back and sent Li Xuan: [I'm about to board.]

Soon, Li Xuan's side showed 'Typing...'

Cat Cat Head: [Okay.]

Su Xingchuan: [Happy early birthday. I'll bring your gift when school starts.]

Su Xingchuan: [I'm sorry, Li Xuan. It's not you, it's me. I just can't. We can still be friends.]

There was no reply for a long time.

Su Xingchuan thought: He's probably going to hate me again.

Probably won't talk to me for a long time.

A few minutes later, his phone vibrated. Li Xuan's reply finally came through. Su Xingchuan opened it immediately.

Cat Cat Head: [Let's be friends, then.]

Su Xingchuan's pupils shook.

His face instantly turned ashen.

He thought he'd misread it, but the words sat there plainly on the screen, sent by Li Xuan.

Su Xingchuan forced himself to sound calm: [What do you mean?]

Cat Cat Head: [If you really can't accept liking a boy, I can't force you. We can be friends.]

The first time Li Xuan was being considerate, Su Xingchuan couldn't stay calm.

It was exactly what he'd wanted.

But he wasn't the least bit happy.

Only now did he understand: when he'd sent that message, deep down he had actually been expecting Li Xuan to say, Don't.

Expecting him to say, I don't want to be friends.

In his usual wheedling tone, glaring fiercely at Su Xingchuan, bumping his leg under the table.

But Li Xuan had given up.

He'd given up.

Su Xingchuan had imagined many endings for his story with Li Xuan, but he'd never imagined it would end so abruptly. His Roommate often complained about bad endings when reading male-oriented web novels; Su Xingchuan could never relate before, but now that he was living it, he finally understood.

Really ... just like that?

The announcement came: 'Train G7096 is now boarding.'

Su Xingchuan checked the time. Five minutes left.

He looked at the high-speed rail ticket in his hand.

From Jiangcheng to Ling'an, over four hundred kilometers.

The announcement came again: 'Last call for Train G7096. Last call for Train G7096.'

Su Xingchuan stood up and threw away his ticket.

He pulled his suitcase and headed for the exit.

He thought: At least let me celebrate Li Xuan's twentieth birthday with him.