21

Li Xuan slowly withdrew his hand.

Things didn't seem to be going the way he'd imagined.

Amid the commotion, Xie Liang glared at Su Xingchuan and Li Xuan, grinding his teeth, his blood pressure shooting up. 'You two—'

Li Xuan looked innocent, delicate brows furrowed, staring at him with confusion. Xie Liang stuttered 'you you you' for a while, not knowing what to curse, and finally just crouched pitifully in front of Xue Ningzi, clasping her hand with a pitiful expression, panicked: 'Wife, don’t listen to his nonsense, we’ve been together five years, you know me best!'

Li Xuan wavered slightly, but still held firm like a righteous judge: 'But you are...'

Xie Liang was furious, gnashing his teeth: 'You dare say it again!!'

Embarrassed, Xue Ningzi covered her face with her other hand.

Xie Liang pointed at Su Xingchuan and Li Xuan, wailing: 'They’re having a fight and I’m the innocent bystander getting dragged in — I’m a straight man, innocent!'

Xue Ningzi took a deep breath: 'Keep your voice down.'

Xie Liang hugged Xue Ningzi, burying his face in her shoulder, aggrieved: 'No, you have to let me explain, wife, I’m one hundred percent pure straight!'

People around were still craning their necks to watch the drama.

Xue Ningzi: '...'

Li Xuan stared blankly at Xie Liang and Xue Ningzi.

He was completely lost.

For today, he’d crammed on all the classic affair-exposing scenes online. In his imagination, what should have happened next was —

Xie Liang would get up in disgrace, Su Xingchuan would grab his collar and harshly demand why he cheated.

Xue Ningzi would learn the truth, throw her napkin in Xie Liang’s face, curse him for two-timing, and storm off.

Then Su Xingchuan would get drunk from heartbreak, and Li Xuan could take the chance to be by his side.

That’s how it always goes in TV dramas.

But... but why did reality not match the drama at all? Why was Xie Liang saying he’s one hundred percent straight?

Xie Liang was still spitting blood to explain when Su Xingchuan burst out laughing. Xie Liang turned and cursed him: 'What are you laughing at? I did this to help you! Take this one of yours and get out of here! Get out!'

Su Xingchuan wrapped his arms around Li Xuan’s waist from behind, pulling him closer. Li Xuan stared blankly up at him.

Obviously, the little cat was completely baffled.

Looking at him, Su Xingchuan felt a surge of emotion and just wanted to kiss him.

Meanwhile, Xie Liang was leaning on Xue Ningzi’s shoulder, playing the victim: 'My reputation, my chastity... honey...'

Xue Ningzi pushed his head away with a cold face.

Su Xingchuan cleared his throat and said to Xue Ningzi: 'I’m really sorry, sister-in-law. It’s my fault. Let me treat you and Liang to dinner tomorrow.'

Xue Ningzi waved her hand, motioning for them to leave quickly.

As Li Xuan was dragged out of the restaurant by Su Xingchuan, Xie Liang was still sitting beside Xue Ningzi, practically glued to her, saying something, the two looking intimate.

His brain had stopped working.

What on earth was going on?

Su Xingchuan was utterly delighted, holding Li Xuan’s face in his hands so his lips were squished into a pout. He said: 'How did Dr. Li take on a side job as a judge? Are you jealous?'

Li Xuan stared at Su Xingchuan, still frowning.

Su Xingchuan leaned closer and asked: 'You just asked me if I’d still like Xie Liang if I found out he was two-timing. Do you know the answer now?'

Li Xuan shook his head.

Su Xingchuan wanted to say: Aren’t you two-timing too? Knowing full well you’re stringing me along, playing me, always crying for no reason and then turning back to Xu Zhengdong, but I still like you. My self-respect has become worthless because of you.

But he couldn’t bear to blame Li Xuan, so he just said: 'Can’t you see? He’s just my colleague. He’s not gay.'

Li Xuan’s lashes fluttered, and he caught his breath.

Su Xingchuan continued to explain: 'Because I once told him my first love dumped me. That day at the hospital, I told him you were that first love. To back me up, he deliberately said he was my boyfriend, but really it was just to provoke you.'

'Provoke me?'

Su Xingchuan bumped noses with him, eyes full of tender affection. 'He’s not gay. That girl just now is his girlfriend. They’re getting married in just over a month.'

Li Xuan froze as if someone hit pause. After a moment he turned to look back at the restaurant, faintly still seeing Xie Liang and Xue Ningzi. His face instantly flushed bright red.

So... he’d made a fool of himself?

He’d made a scene in front of so many people.

It had taken so much for him to be brave just this once.

For today’s 'affair bust,' he’d done days of mental prep, constantly checking with his uncle, been anxious since last night, couldn’t sleep a wink, and in the end it all came down to: just to provoke you.

Su Xingchuan had clearly known he misunderstood but didn’t explain, just watched the show for over half a month, using Xie Liang to jab at him again and again.

Li Xuan remembered every single slight. Su Xingchuan had said he wasn’t as good-natured as Xie Liang, wasn’t as hardworking, called him delicate, petty, jealous. Su Xingchuan would rattle off his flaws endlessly, as if Li Xuan wasn’t someone worth liking.

Su Xingchuan would never know what it felt like to have the person you like most tell you, 'You’re not as good as my current boyfriend.'

Su Xingchuan was a bastard, a total bastard.

The rims of his eyes and the tips of his ears turned red at the same time, embarrassment and grievance flooding out. How dare Su Xingchuan treat him like this?

Even his family never dared to criticize him.

He pushed hard against Su Xingchuan’s chest, shoving his way out of the embrace, and without caring which direction, turned and walked off. Su Xingchuan immediately chased after him, tried to grab his arm, but Li Xuan fiercely shook him off.

'Xiao Xuan!'

Li Xuan was full of resentment. Red-eyed, he said to Su Xingchuan: 'You knew I misunderstood, so why didn’t you explain? Watching me get jealous like an idiot — were you really pleased with yourself?'

'Of course not.'

'Then why were you laughing? What are you so happy about?'

'Because... because I was jealous too.'

Li Xuan was furious, didn’t even process it, and just kept venting. He shoved Su Xingchuan hard: 'Nobody’s ever dared mess with me like this since I was a kid. Su Xingchuan, you’re done for!'

Even when he was angry, all he could say was 'You’re done for.'

Su Xingchuan had always known that Li Xuan just looked cold. Spend enough time with him and you’d discover he was actually a soft little cat who liked showing his belly, his claws just for show.

Now the little cat was embarrassed. The little cat was very angry.

A couple came out of the restaurant and noticed Li Xuan by the roadside. The boy gestured for the girl to look.

Li Xuan’s face turned even redder.

He flung his hand and walked away.

Su Xingchuan caught up again. Li Xuan cried, 'Don’t follow me!' So Su Xingchuan had to stop.

Li Xuan walked straight ahead.

He was going to find his uncle, have him teach Su Xingchuan a good lesson, use the worst means, take away his projects, make him pay, force him to sell everything, leave him on the streets!

He took out his phone and dialed Xu Zhengdong’s number.

Before it connected, he hung up.

How could he bear to...

Su Xingchuan could bear to make him angry, but he couldn’t bear to be angry back.

Tears spilled from Li Xuan’s eyes. Knowing Xie Liang wasn’t Su Xingchuan’s boyfriend should have made him happy. The plot hadn’t gone as he’d imagined, but at least the outcome was what he wanted.

Then why was he so upset?

Because Su Xingchuan had changed. Su Xingchuan used to never dare tease him, much less watch him make a fool of himself.

He was no longer the one in control of this relationship.

He ran all the way home. By the time he reached his door, his legs were weak and he collapsed on the ground. His mother Xu Nianzhi hurried over to help him up: 'What happened? Did you fall off your bike?'

Li Xuan leaned against his mother’s shoulder, silent.

Xu Nianzhi checked Li Xuan’s arms and knees, and once she saw no signs of injury, breathed a sigh of relief. She stroked his hair and asked: 'Still because of that boy?'

Li Xuan nodded.

'Xuanxuan, what are you afraid of? Can Mom help?'

Li Xuan let go of all his strength and leaned on his mother’s shoulder. 'Mom, not all mothers are as good as you.'

Xu Nianzhi understood immediately.

She asked softly: 'Seven years ago, that boy’s mother came to find you, didn’t she? What did she say to you?'

Li Xuan’s face instantly turned pale.

In his mind, Su Xingchuan’s mother’s voice rang out: 'Do you have any idea how disgusting your behavior is? Look at the messages you sent him. I beg you, don’t infect my son with whatever vile disease you’re carrying. You led my wonderful son astray, aren’t you afraid of divine retribution? Do you want our family to be thrown into chaos because of you? Do you want me to die with my eyes open?!'

Her voice was like a thorn stabbing deep into Li Xuan’s heart. Even by his mother’s side, he couldn’t stop trembling.

'Why didn’t you dare tell Mom?'

Li Xuan said: 'I was too weak.'

Xu Nianzhi said, heart aching: 'You were only twenty then. Twenty is an age when you’re not ready for the future.'

His mother’s words gradually calmed Li Xuan’s heart.

Xu Nianzhi asked again: 'And now?'

As soon as she finished, Su Xingchuan’s call came in.

Li Xuan took out his phone, saw Su Xingchuan’s name flashing on the screen, and ruthlessly hung up.

A few seconds later, Su Xingchuan called again.

Xu Nianzhi saw it too. She smiled and ruffled Li Xuan’s hair, brushing away the frost on the tips. She said to Li Xuan: 'Answer it. It’s fine. Mom will go upstairs.'

Watching his mother go up the stairs, Li Xuan answered the call.

Su Xingchuan’s voice came through the receiver.

'Baby.'

Just that one word, and Li Xuan’s tears fell.

Su Xingchuan was silent for a moment, then slowly said: 'Last time you asked me if that relationship seven years ago was important to me, and I said it was very important. Actually, it’s not.'

Li Xuan’s heart lurched.

'More than just important? The word “important” is too light,' Su Xingchuan chuckled wryly, then sighed. 'To be precise, you changed the course of my life. Every day after we broke up felt like a repeat, utterly meaningless.'

Li Xuan froze.

'Sometimes I think, is Li Xuan really that great? He’s a total delicate princess. When we were together, I had to wait on him hand and foot, ask if he was warm or cold, coax him when he was upset, have my heart and eyes full of only him. Even then he wasn’t satisfied. The moment I talked to another girl, he’d say I didn’t love him anymore, so unreasonable. He wasn’t a boyfriend, he was an ancestor.'

Li Xuan’s sobs grew heavier, clutching the hem of his shirt tightly.

He wanted Su Xingchuan to shut up. He didn’t want to hear another word.

But Su Xingchuan said: 'But I still like him so much.'

Li Xuan was stunned.

'When we were together, I thought he was adorable no matter what. Adorable even when he was throwing a tantrum or being jealous. Sometimes I’d get angry too, but the moment he guiltily hooked his pinkie around mine, I’d instantly soften. He didn’t know how to date, but he sure knew how to play me.'

'Baby, I miss you so much.'

'At first I could still get news of you, knew you were going to class as usual, knew you applied for an exchange program junior year, knew you went to the US for further study after graduation... Then I couldn’t find out anything anymore. You vanished from my life, and it took me a long time to get over it.'

'Five years ago, fresh out of school, I rented a place near the office. After work, I’d lie alone in bed, wondering what you were doing, whether anyone was by your side. Sometimes I’d buy groceries and cook for myself, and when I set the table, I’d think how happy I’d be if you were sitting across from me.'

'In reality, the total time we were actually together was less than five months. I’ve spent far longer missing you than we ever spent together. Sometimes I wonder if you’ve already forgotten me, if in this whole world, I’m the only one who remembers we were once together.'

Li Xuan shook his head, weeping.

'Actually, I once selfishly hoped you weren’t doing well.'

'One year, the company went on a team-building trip to Ling Mountain. There was a temple there, said to be very efficacious. Everyone went in to pray. Before I stepped over the threshold into the main hall, I told myself: I hope Li Xuan never meets anyone who treats him as well as I did. I hope he regrets it for the rest of his life. But once I walked in and knelt on the cushion, I changed my mind. I told the Bodhisattva: I hope Li Xuan is happy. A delicate princess like him can’t handle any hardship. Better to let him live a carefree life, surrounded by love.'

Li Xuan interrupted him, crying: 'I was never carefree!'

Su Xingchuan’s voice held a slight choke. He asked softly: 'You missed me too, didn’t you?'

'Missed you,' Li Xuan said, aggrieved.

'I had already stopped hoping, but then you appeared again. If you hadn’t shown up this winter...'

Li Xuan’s heart was instantly seized. He held his breath and asked nervously: 'What would you have done?'

Would you keep waiting? Would you give up?

Or... start a new life?

Su Xingchuan said: 'I would have welcomed the eighth year of missing you.'

Li Xuan laughed through his tears.

He covered his face with his hands, tears streaming through his fingers. He didn’t want to cry out, but his whole body trembled uncontrollably. In his mind were images from seven years ago: his first embrace with Su Xingchuan, their first kiss, all the firsts they’d shared. For seven years, Su Xingchuan’s pain had been Li Xuan’s pain. As he wept silently, Su Xingchuan’s gentle voice came through: 'Baby, don’t cry.'

Li Xuan looked up and saw Xu Nianzhi standing at the corner of the second floor, smiling at him. He looked at his mother through tear-blurred eyes.

Xu Nianzhi said: 'Go.'

Li Xuan sprang up and rushed out the door.

Seven years ago, Su Xingchuan had gone from the station back to school. This time, it was Li Xuan’s turn to go find him.

Li Xuan hailed a cab to Xinchen Mansion.

He wanted to wake up tomorrow morning in Su Xingchuan’s arms, just like that time he got drunk.

As soon as he got out of the car, he ran into Xinchen Mansion.

He still remembered the route. Just as he reached the building, someone called out to him.

Li Xuan stopped abruptly and looked back.

It was Su Xingchuan’s mother.