Chapter 4

The surgery was over in less than two hours.

When Li Xuan walked out, Xie Liang was sitting on a bench outside the operating room, phone to his ear, a smile on his face.

Li Xuan took off his mask and looked him up and down.

He took in the ill-fitting designer suit and the Rolex on his wrist — a walking billboard of vanity and self-importance. Li Xuan sneered.

Xie Liang had just hung up when he caught a glimpse of Li Xuan standing in the doorway wearing blue-green scrubs. Startled, he quickly got up and walked over. 'Doctor, how did it go?'

Li Xuan said nothing. He brushed right past him.

'What a temper.' Xie Liang muttered, then turned and saw Su Xingchuan being wheeled out.

The nurse said, 'Family member, give us a hand here!'

'Coming, coming!'

Not far away, Li Xuan stopped dead in his tracks, his face darkening.

The nurse spoke again, 'You're Su Xingchuan's family member? Please take hold of both sides there and wheel him straight back to the ward.'

Family member. That phrase carried so much.

That man was Su Xingchuan's family member.

A passing doctor asked him, 'Dr. Li, tired?'

Li Xuan shook his head and went back to his office alone.

Su Xingchuan slept until after two in the afternoon before waking up.

Xie Liang leaned in. 'Awake?'

'Mm.' Su Xingchuan rubbed his sore temples, his throat still hoarse. 'How long was I out?'

'Not that long. How are you feeling?'

Sensation slowly returned to his body, the pain gradually taking concrete shape. Su Xingchuan instinctively moved his leg, and a surge of soreness shot straight to his lower half, so sharp he almost called for his mother.

'Fuck—'

'That painful?'

Su Xingchuan sucked in a breath. 'What do you think?'

Xie Liang burst out laughing.

Su Xingchuan shot him a glare and he shut his mouth.

'By the way, I thought your little boyfriend was an ice queen, but turns out he's a firecracker. I went up to say hi when you came out at noon and he didn't say a word — just turned and walked off,' Xie Liang thought for a moment, then described it: 'The way he did it... exactly like that Xu Zhengdong from Zhongjin.'

'That's just how he is. He doesn't like talking to people.'

'I'm still a patient's family member, no matter how you look at it.'

A patient's family member?

'Who told you you were a patient's family member?'

'The nurse. I was the one who wheeled you back with the nurse today. Your ex hadn't even left yet.'

'Was he there when the nurse called you a patient's family member?'

'He had just left. Not sure if he heard.'

That piqued Su Xingchuan's curiosity. 'You said he turned and left the moment he saw you?'

'Yeah, glared at me like a bulldog.'

He still cares a little, Su Xingchuan thought. Only caring makes someone act out of character. If he didn't care, then they'd just be the most ordinary doctor-patient relationship — nothing to get all prickly about.

Caring was good. Su Xingchuan secretly delighted.

*

Li Xuan never showed up. Su Xingchuan lay in bed until evening before eating. He ordered a nutrition meal and sat up to eat it by himself.

A young nurse asked him, 'Mr. Su, are you alone?'

'Yeah.'

'Is there anything I can help you with?'

Su Xingchuan smiled. 'No, I'm fine, thanks for asking. Dr. Li... is he busy?'

The nurse checked the time. 'Dr. Li should be off duty by now.'

'Off duty already.' A trace of disappointment crept into Su Xingchuan's voice.

Right, it was seven-thirty. Time to get off.

Sitting up had tugged at his wound, and the pain drove him to call the nurse for a painkiller injection. Once the medicine kicked in, he lay in bed staring blankly. First he thought about work — when the hell that Zhongjin guy Xu Zhengdong would sign the contract — then his thoughts gradually drifted to Li Xuan.

To their first meeting.

Su Xingchuan didn't actually think of himself as naturally gay. He clearly remembered liking girls in middle school; when a girl gave him a love letter, he didn't feel any aversion. Before Li Xuan, he had never questioned his orientation.

Su Xingchuan was firmly convinced: Li Xuan was the one who bent him.

Their first meeting was in a narrow, dimly lit alley.

That evening, Li Xuan was surrounded by a few thugs. The ringleader had grabbed Li Xuan by the collar and snarled, 'You blind or what? You bumped into our Lei Ge — got any idea what you did?'

Su Xingchuan and a few friends from his club were coming back from a dinner gathering and were passing by that alley when they heard the thug's voice.

'What, you got no mouth to apologize? You want me to slap you a couple times before you open it?'

Su Xingchuan stopped walking, squinted slightly, and peered into the shadowy alley.

By then, night had fallen.

A midsummer night, the air hot and sticky.

Su Xingchuan blocked the thug's punch and pulled Li Xuan behind him. In the chaos they fought — Su Xingchuan had trained in taekwondo, was tall and solidly built, and with a little beer in him from the dinner, it was over in a few moves. He had rescued Li Xuan.

The thugs scattered. Su Xingchuan turned around to look at Li Xuan.

In the dim alley, Li Xuan's eyes were very bright, his face barely palm-sized, his chin pointed.

Panting, Su Xingchuan asked, 'You okay?'

Li Xuan didn't speak.

Su Xingchuan waved a hand in front of Li Xuan's face. 'Hey, you all right? Scared?'

Without warning, Li Xuan extended his right hand in front of Su Xingchuan.

Su Xingchuan froze, then looked down.

He couldn't see clearly, so he pulled out his phone and shone the light on it.

On the pale back of Li Xuan's hand was a vivid red gash. It looked gruesome.

Su Xingchuan angled his phone's light behind Li Xuan and spotted a piece of broken glass against the wall. The tip was stained with blood.

Probably cut when the thugs shoved him.

Li Xuan showed him the injury as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and just as naturally, Su Xingchuan took him to the hospital. At the ER registration desk, Su Xingchuan finally remembered to ask, 'What's your name?'

Li Xuan took out his ID card.

He still didn't speak, just stared at Su Xingchuan with those striking, clearly defined eyes.

Su Xingchuan's heart clenched. Was he mute?

So pitiful, Su Xingchuan thought.

He led Li Xuan to the treatment room to get the wound dressed. While disinfecting it, the nurse said to Li Xuan, 'This will sting a bit. Bear with it.'

Li Xuan didn't show any fear, but he looked up at Su Xingchuan. Su Xingchuan had been texting his roommate; out of the corner of his eye he caught Li Xuan's gaze and, for a second, nearly dropped his phone.

He pointed at himself. 'You want me?'

That came out wrong. Su Xingchuan tried again: 'Afraid it'll hurt? How can I help?'

The nurse instructed, 'Hold his head, cover his eyes, and it's best if you hold his other hand too.'

'Huh?'

Su Xingchuan walked up in a daze. Li Xuan leaned obediently against him and buried his face against Su Xingchuan's stomach.

Su Xingchuan felt his brain slow to a crawl.

Li Xuan's hair was very soft, not pure black but a warm brownish-yellow under the lights, fluffy and almost too delicate for a boy.

The heat of Li Xuan's breath seeped through the thin T-shirt and brushed against Su Xingchuan's abdomen. A surge of warmth hit him there, and his brain shut down entirely. He was practically evaporating.

He didn't even dare hold Li Xuan's other hand.

Luckily, the nurse worked fast. 'All done.'

Su Xingchuan felt like a prisoner reprieved.

He reached back and touched his neck. It was soaked with sweat.

Li Xuan, meanwhile, looked down at his hand — now wrapped up like a little pig's trotter — and stared blankly.

The injured little mute. Su Xingchuan couldn't bear it. He specifically crouched down to comfort him: 'It'll be better soon.'

Li Xuan held up the pig-trotter hand in front of Su Xingchuan.

Su Xingchuan made a fist and lightly bumped it. 'That didn't scare you too much today, did it?'

Li Xuan shook his head.

When they left the hospital to head back to school, Su Xingchuan was surprised to discover that Li Xuan actually went to the same school as him.

Li Xuan was a second-year student at the School of Medicine. Su Xingchuan was studying finance, also a sophomore that year.

It was such a coincidence. Su Xingchuan watched Li Xuan go into his dormitory building.

He thought it was just a chance encounter, but the next day Su Xingchuan ran into Li Xuan at the Basketball Court.

Su Xingchuan was drenched in sweat on the court. He'd just scored a basket and it was halftime. He lifted his jersey to wipe his sweat, looked up, and saw Li Xuan sitting on the bleachers opposite.

Li Xuan was staring right at him.

To be precise, at his abs.

'...' Su Xingchuan walked over. 'What are you doing here?'

The bandage on Li Xuan's right hand was seeping yellow antiseptic. His left hand was holding a bottle of cola, which he handed to Su Xingchuan.

'Your hand—'

Before Su Xingchuan could finish, a tall girl suddenly appeared beside them. She tossed over a bottle of mineral water and said, 'Xingchuan, you want to have barbecue tonight?'

'Who else is going?'

'Huizi, Hangbin. Still that lobster place on Back Street.'

'Oh, got it.'

Su Xingchuan twisted open the mineral water and took a sip. Before he could swallow, he heard Li Xuan ask coldly, 'Is she your girlfriend?'

Su Xingchuan choked on the water. He turned away and coughed violently, his face turning red. He raised his voice: 'You—you can talk! I thought you were mute.'

'Is she your girlfriend?' Li Xuan asked again.

'No.'

'Then why won't you drink my water?'

Only then did Su Xingchuan notice: Li Xuan's left hand had been holding out the cola, and from the moment Su Xingchuan had walked over until now, it had never lowered.

A sudden pang of guilt hit Su Xingchuan. He immediately took the cola. 'I thought you wanted me to help you open it.'

He was just about to say thank you, but Li Xuan was already walking away.

He was wearing a white tracksuit, his frame looking very slight, his bandaged right hand hidden inside the sleeve.

Su Xingchuan watched him until a friend came up and bumped his shoulder. 'What are you staring at?' Su Xingchuan snapped out of it. Before going back onto the court, he couldn't help but glance back one more time. Li Xuan was gone.

A very strange kid.

Still strange, even now.

Su Xingchuan wondered if Li Xuan's current boyfriend had patience with him, if he, too, found Li Xuan's oddities a kind of charm.

But if Li Xuan had found a really good boyfriend, did that mean the story between him and Li Xuan would come to a full stop?

No. That couldn't happen.

Su Xingchuan jolted awake from his dream.

He was still in the hospital.

Four white walls. The inpatient ward was relatively quiet, though the occasional flurry of footsteps still came from the hallway.

In a hospital, your mind always wanders.

He'd been dreaming a lot lately, and waking up felt even more exhausting. Su Xingchuan lifted a hand to rub his temple, and out of the corner of his eye he suddenly caught a familiar figure.

For a moment he didn't dare look too quickly, worried he might scare the other person away.

The figure noticed Su Xingchuan was awake, shifted slightly, but didn't leave. Su Xingchuan lowered his hand.

Li Xuan was standing at the foot of the bed. No telling how long he'd been there.

'What are you doing here?'

Li Xuan kept a distant manner. 'Checking your post-op condition.'

'It hurts,' Su Xingchuan said.

Su Xingchuan hadn't meant to whine, but saying it to an ex-boyfriend gave it a tinge of petulance. Li Xuan was silent for a few seconds, then said, 'Of course it'll hurt for a couple of days.'

In the past, that line would have been the other way around.

It should have been Li Xuan saying he hurt, and him softly coaxing him.

As he was thinking, Su Xingchuan suddenly noticed it was already dark outside. By rights, Li Xuan should have been off duty by now. He couldn't help asking, 'Why haven't you gone off duty yet?'

'I'm on the night shift today.'

'Oh.'

Again, they fell into a wordless stalemate.

Just then, Li Xuan's phone rang. He pulled it out and answered. Su Xingchuan faintly heard a young man's voice on the other end. He didn't catch what was said, but Li Xuan replied, 'Yeah, got it. I'll head back early tonight.'

Such a gentle tone.

Why was he so bossy with me back then?

A sour knot in his chest, Su Xingchuan turned his head toward the window.

The call was brief. Li Xuan slipped his phone back into the pocket of his white coat and told Su Xingchuan, 'Around nine tomorrow morning, I'll come by to remove your catheter.'

'Oh.'

Su Xingchuan deliberately picked up his phone and called Xie Liang.

Li Xuan turned and left.

As he stepped out of the ward, a passing nurse looked at Li Xuan and asked, puzzled, 'Dr. Li? Isn't Dr. Wang on duty tonight?'

Li Xuan said, 'I swapped with him.'