Chapter 42

Ji Su sat astride those solid thighs, face to face, and looked a little taller than Gu Zhao.

Seeming to find this downward angle novel, he raised his hands and cupped that handsome face.

High brows, deep-set eyes, a straight bridge of nose — the kind you could slide down — handsome enough to be hateful.

'Well?' Gu Zhao looked up at him, coaxing with a devil's patience. 'I kiss you once, you kiss me once — perfectly fair.'

Ji Su stared at those thin lips parting and closing, his head swimming, thinking only that he really shouldn't be the one losing out — and bent down to kiss him.

Gu Zhao's breath caught, and the large hand at that slender waist tightened abruptly.

Ji Su had been completely bewildered by his very first kiss, and now he was drunk besides — he had no idea what to do at all, only pressed his lips against Gu Zhao's in innocent contact.

Breath scented with wine twined intimately with another, scalding current of air.

Several seconds later, Ji Su suddenly opened his mouth and bit down hard on Gu Zhao's lower lip.

Gu Zhao let out a muffled groan, exerting every effort to hold himself still.

Ji Su was satisfied — just as he was about to pull away, a large hand gripped the back of his neck and pressed him back down.

Gu Zhao easily pried his lips open; a hot, broad tongue pushed in and stirred wantonly, the beads of blood welling from the bitten lip mingling and exchanging with saliva — which only made things more intoxicating.

Ji Su's mouth was sealed completely shut; only a pitiful thread of protest could escape through his nose.

Gu Zhao's kiss was as fierce as the last time — it swept through every corner of that wet, hot mouth, then dragged heavily across the sensitive roof.

'Mmph…' Ji Su's waist went weak at once, and he nearly slid off Gu Zhao's lap.

The hand at that waist tightened, lifting him back up to continue the kiss.

The air was wrung from Ji Su's lungs, and he hadn't yet learned how to breathe through it — poor thing, he was nearly drowning in the kiss.

Just as he was about to lose all breath, Gu Zhao finally let him go, kneading the back of his neck with one large hand, and reminded him in a hoarse voice: 'Breathe.'

Ji Su's whole body went slack; he collapsed into Gu Zhao's arms, gasping for air with a dazed expression.

Gu Zhao leaned down and pressed a light kiss to that flushed red earlobe, and in the kissing drifted to the wet corner of Ji Su's mouth.

Ji Su instinctively tried to dodge to the side, struggling a little in Gu Zhao's arms.

Every muscle in Gu Zhao's body tensed at once. 'What are you squirming for?' he asked, voice rough.

The realization hit Ji Su belatedly; the tips of his ears flared crimson, the color spreading rapidly down his neck and across his chest — he looked like a strawberry fully ripened.

He sensed danger instinctively, struggling to climb down from Gu Zhao's lap, only to be pinned firmly in place by that large hand.

Gu Zhao took that thin, tender earlobe between his lips, his scalding breath drilling straight into the ear canal. 'You kiss me and then try to run?'

Ji Su was truly frightened now, curling up small in Gu Zhao's arms, the tail of his voice carrying an involuntary tremor. 'No… let me go…'

A vein stood out at Gu Zhao's temple, throbbing visibly several times.

'Ji Su—' He ground his molars, each word bitten off distinctly. 'What you owe me, you'll pay back one day.'

Ji Su couldn't catch the deeper meaning in his words at all — all he wanted was to escape, and he babbled out: 'I've eaten dinner, I need to go back to the Dormitory…'

Gu Zhao drew a deep breath, and without changing his hold, lifted Ji Su up.

Ji Su startled, his legs instinctively locking tight around that sturdy waist, afraid of falling.

Gu Zhao let out a muffled grunt, and gave his bottom a light-to-firm swat with one large hand.

Ji Su trembled at the strike, and complained in a pitiful voice: 'You hit my butt again.'

'Don't lock your legs so tight.' Gu Zhao's voice was hoarse. 'Relax.'

Ji Su obediently loosened his legs, though the arms looped around Gu Zhao's neck still held on tight.

Gu Zhao walked into the Secondary Bedroom, glanced at the packed luggage, and set Ji Su down on the bed.

Ji Su rolled once on the bed, pulled the thin blanket up over himself, leaving only a pair of drunken, hazy eyes peeking out to watch Gu Zhao.

Gu Zhao was caught between exasperation and amusement; he reached out and pinched a fold of that flushed cheek. 'Sleep first.'

Ji Su shut his eyes at once, pretending he was already asleep — but the faint tremor of his lashes betrayed the pretense.

Gu Zhao stood at the bedside, looked at him for a long moment, and before turning to leave the bedroom, casually pocketed the pajamas draped at the head of the bed.

*

The next morning, when Ji Su woke, he stared at the familiar ceiling for a while, lost in thought.

As his senses slowly returned, he pushed himself up to a half-sitting position and, with some vexation, lifted a hand to cover his face.

Yesterday he had clearly meant to grab his things and head straight back to the Dormitory — how had things spiraled so out of control…

After a while, Ji Su got out of bed, rummaged through his suitcase for clothes, and prepared to take a shower first.

He turned the door handle and crept toward the bathroom like a thief on tiptoe, trying not to disturb Gu Zhao, who was making breakfast in the Kitchen.

After his shower, Ji Su changed into clean clothes — and the moment he stepped out of the bathroom, he met those dark, fathomless eyes head-on.

Gu Zhao held his phone in one hand. 'Your phone's been ringing.'

Ji Su kept his gaze lowered; when he stepped forward to take the phone, his fingertip accidentally brushed Gu Zhao's, and he curled it back as if shocked.

'Breakfast is ready.' Gu Zhao reminded him. 'Finish your call and come eat.'

'Okay.' Ji Su answered, not daring to look at him again, and hurried back to the bedroom.

He closed the door, leaned his back against it, let his heartbeat settle, and only then opened his phone.

The moment he opened WeChat, the chat with Qiao Jin popped up.

Starting from last night, Qiao Jin had sent him over a dozen messages, along with several voice-call and video-call requests.

Ji Su: [Sorry Xiao Qiao, I didn't see your messages last night.]

Qiao Jin: [Oh my god, Susu, you finally replied to me!]

Qiao Jin: [I almost thought Gu the Campus Heartthrob had you locked up doing — you know —!]

Ji Su: [No…]

Qiao Jin: [What did I say when we parted yesterday?]

Qiao Jin: [They call it 'going without return' — this is exactly that!]

Ji Su: [Actually I was planning to head back to the Dormitory after dinner, but I accidentally got drunk.]

Qiao Jin: [What? Got drunk?]

Qiao Jin: [Did you two get up to something drunk?]

Ji Su looked at the words in the chat, and the image of himself being pinned on Gu Zhao's lap and kissed rose unbidden in his mind.

He had been drunk last night, certainly, but not blackout drunk — he remembered every small detail clearly, even the hard, burning…

Qiao Jin: [Holy shit! You really did?]

Ji Su came back to himself and typed a quick reply.

Ji Su: [No!]

Qiao Jin: [Really?]

Qiao Jin: [I don't believe it.]

Ji Su: [Okay, we did kiss a little…]

Qiao Jin: [Aaaaaah I knew it!]

Qiao Jin: [How did it feel? Is Gu the Campus Heartthrob's kissing technique top-tier? Give me a thousand words describing it in detail!]

Ji Su: [I don't really remember clearly…]

Qiao Jin: [Impossible!]

Qiao Jin: [That was your first kiss — how could you not remember clearly?]

Ji Su: [It was a strange feeling, I don't know how to describe it…]

Qiao Jin: [Let me ask you something — when Gu Zhao kissed you, did it feel disgusting?]

Ji Su froze for a moment, then unconsciously licked his upper lip.

Disgusting?

Last night's drunk self didn't seem to dislike kissing Gu Zhao at all — his resistance had only been because he couldn't breathe.

Gu Zhao kissed too fiercely, as if he meant to devour him with lips and tongue…

As he thought about it, the heat at the tips of his ears began to spread again.

Qiao Jin: [You're done for, Susu baby.]

Qiao Jin: [You've fallen for Gu Zhao too.]

Ji Su's fingertip hovered above the phone screen; his heart was pounding so hard it sent a tremor — almost a numbness — through his fingertips.

Qiao Jin: [I should have seen it earlier — you're different with Gu Zhao.]

Qiao Jin: [Anyone else so much as touches you and you dodge three zhang away — yet you've always let Gu Zhao keep you circled in his arms.]

Ji Su's head pressed back against the door, and in that single instant every detail he had been deliberately ignoring rose up before his eyes, one after another.

Receiving no reply for some time, Qiao Jin sent another message.

Qiao Jin: [So are you still moving out, then?]

Ji Su: [Heading back to the Dormitory right now.]

Qiao Jin: [That's more like it. Even if you two are together, it's still best not to move in so soon!]

Ji Su: [Talk to you later, Xiao Qiao — I'll come back after breakfast.]

Qiao Jin: [One last question!]

Qiao Jin: [So how is Campus Heartthrob Gu's kissing technique, really?]

Ji Su: [……]

Ji Su: [Nothing to compare it to, so I wouldn't know.]

Ji Su pressed the phone dark, pulled open the door, and walked toward the living room.

The dining table was already laid with fragrant breakfast, and Gu Zhao was pouring him a glass of milk.

Ji Su crossed over and sat down, took the milk, and drank a sip.

Gu Zhao sat down across from him. 'Did you sleep well last night?'

Ji Su's hand stilled. He raised his eyes to look at him, and with a glance noticed the skin had broken on those thin lips. He couldn't help asking, 'How did your mouth get hurt?'

Gu Zhao touched the small cut on his lower lip with one finger and laughed. 'You don't know?'

Ji Su's heart gave a sudden leap, and a vague memory stirred.

'You bit me,' Gu Zhao added, unhurried.

Heat crept up the roots of Ji Su's ears, and his lashes fell, guilty.

After breakfast, Ji Su cleared the table and turned to say, 'I can take a cab back to School — you don't need to drive me.'

Gu Zhao sat on the sofa, his gaze dark and heavy on him. 'Kiss me, and then run?'

'That... wasn't that you paying me back?' Ji Su answered in a small voice. 'We're even.'

'Not even.' Gu Zhao's pace was unhurried. 'Later I kissed you back again, so I still owe you one.'

Ji Su: 'What if I just don't want it?'

By now he could no longer tell who was actually the one losing out.

Gu Zhao: 'No.'

Ji Su: '……'

'If you insist on living at School, I won't stop you.' Gu Zhao stood. 'At least let me drive you back.'

Ji Su pressed his lips together, and a faint thread of guilt rose in his chest.

*

The black Audi had stopped at the gate of A University, and Gu Zhao's hand rested on the steering wheel, making no move.

Ji Su waited a moment, then silently unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out.

Gu Zhao got out as well, took the luggage from the trunk, and carried it in silence toward the gate.

The Architecture Department's finals were many and varied — they were essentially the last batch to finish — and only a scant handful of students remained on campus.

The two walked side by side along the campus path; Ji Su's thoughts were tangled, and for a stretch neither of them spoke.

Then, suddenly, a low voice sounded at his ear: 'Ji Su — do you hate me?'

Ji Su's heart gave a tremor, and the answer came out before he could stop it: 'Of course I don't hate you.'

Gu Zhao turned his face toward him. 'Then do you hate me kissing you?'

Ji Su wanted to say he hated it, but the words wouldn't come; the tips of his ears went red again.

Gu Zhao stopped walking. 'You don't hate it?'

Ji Su's gaze dropped to the ground, and he gave a vague, muffled 'mm.'

Gu Zhao lifted an eyebrow. 'Don't hate it — then you like it?'

Ji Su sensed a trap instinctively; he didn't want to answer, and kept his head down as he walked on.

Gu Zhao reached out and gripped his arm, turned him around, and pressed on: 'Hate it, or like it — which is it?'

Ji Su's eyes slid away. 'I don't know...'

Gu Zhao pinched his chin and tilted it up, then lowered his head and pressed a kiss to those reddened lips.

Ji Su stared up at him, dazed, his head a little faint.

This kiss was nothing like the previous two — nothing of that wolfish hunger. It was innocent beyond belief, and through it one could feel, instead, the tenderness and the love tucked carefully inside.

'Do you like me kissing you?' Gu Zhao kissed him again, lips still pressed to lips, and asked softly, 'Do you?'

Ji Su closed his eyes, his voice rough. 'Gu Zhao... actually, I'm scared too.'

Gu Zhao drew back a fraction. 'Then tell me — what are you afraid of?'

Ji Su lowered his head and pressed his forehead against that broad, level shoulder.

After a moment he answered, softly: 'I'm afraid I'm not worth being liked. I'm afraid you'll come to regret it one day. And I'm afraid that, in the end, everything will become unrecognizable.'

His parents had been high-school classmates. Ji Zhenghai had fallen for Su Yuelan at first sight back in those school days, chased her all the way to the same university, and in the end won his beloved's heart.

After graduation they had married — a love that ran from school uniform to wedding gown — and everyone had praised them as a perfect golden boy and jade girl. Their first child, born after the wedding, had been given a name drawn from both their surnames, a symbol of the union their love had produced.

But who could have guessed that this marriage would last only six years — and that when it ended, it would end in such a shambles?

He remembered the half-year before his parents' divorce, when the fights had been at their worst — accusation after accusation, attack after attack, every ugly word and every cutting word thrown without restraint, less like a husband and wife who had loved each other for years than like enemies who hated each other to the bone.

A love that had been the envy of others had become a joke, and he — the very crystallization of that love — had become a burden.

So lightly do old hearts turn — and yet they say it is the heart that is fickle.

Gu Zhao's brows drew together; he cupped Ji Su's face and lifted it. 'Ji Su — you are worth being liked. And I will not regret it.'

Ji Su shook his head. 'You don't understand...'

Gu Zhao looked into his eyes, his tone calm and certain. 'I told you before — once I, Gu Zhao, set my heart on someone, it's for a lifetime.'

A thin mist began to gather in Ji Su's eyes, and his voice caught. 'But what if I...'

Gu Zhao smiled, and brushed the soft skin behind Ji Su's ear with the pad of his thumb. 'Do you really think I'd give you the chance?'

Ji Su bit his lower lip; the mist had dampened his long lashes, which trembled now like fragile butterfly wings in the rain.

'Don't cry...' Gu Zhao sighed, and gathered him back into his arms. 'It's all right. Give me time — I'll prove it to you.'

'I am not anyone else. And there will absolutely not be a second ending, between us.'

Ji Su buried his face in his shoulder, and his tears quietly soaked through the black T-shirt, seeping into the surface of the skin beneath.

Gu Zhao's Adam's apple moved, and his large hand stroked the slender back again and again, as though soothing a startled kitten.

After a long while, Ji Su drew back from his embrace and dabbed at the reddened corners of his eyes with his fingertips. 'Let's go.'

Gu Zhao took up the suitcase and set off with his long stride.

They had not gone a few steps when the phone in Ji Su's pocket began to ring.

He drew it out and answered. 'Hello, Xiao Qiao.'

'Su Su — don't come back.' Qiao Jin's voice came through the receiver. 'I just remembered — the application to stay on campus closed yesterday. You can't apply now.'

Ji Su: '……'

'I'm serious — I seriously suspect Gu Zhao planned all this in advance!' Qiao Jin burst out. 'How else would you have happened to get drunk last night?'

Ji Su turned his head, his tone uncertain. 'Probably not... right?'

Gu Zhao looked at him. 'What is it?'

'Let me think of something else.' Ji Su said to the person on the other end. 'Talk later, Xiao Qiao.'

After hanging up, Gu Zhao asked again. 'Is something the matter?'

Ji Su's brows drew together slightly. 'The application to stay on campus has closed. I won't be able to live in the School Dormitory this summer.'

'I see.' Gu Zhao's expression did not change. 'That's a pity.'

Before Ji Su could speak again, he added helpfully, 'Then why not come home? You're used to living there, after all.'

Ji Su's expression wavered. 'But...'

'I'm going back to my hometown in a couple of days — you'll be the only one at home.' Gu Zhao added, lightly. 'When the time comes, I'll have to trouble you to look after the place.'

An hour later, Ji Su — who had only just left — was back at Gu Zhao's Residence, luggage in hand.