Six

...

Dead silence.

A cool breeze lifted the curtain, and the Mobile Phone on the desk buzzed twice more, finally snapping Yu Fan out of his shock.

He stared at Chen Jingshen for a long time.

Chen Jingshen's face was completely unreadable. If it weren't for that stupid love letter still pinned under his fingers, Yu Fan would have thought he'd imagined the whole thing.

They held the standoff in silence for a while. Yu Fan's fists clenched and unclenched a few times before he finally sat back down.

His phone was giving him a headache. He reached over and muted it, then found his voice. '...Are you sick? I'm a guy.'

Chen Jingshen left the letter on the desk and straightened up. 'I know.'

'Then why are you—' Yu Fan paused. 'Are you gay?'

Chen Jingshen's eyes dropped, and he was silent for a moment before letting out a cold sound from his throat. 'Mm.'

...

Chen Jingshen asked, 'Do you hate gay people?'

'...Not really,' Yu Fan said after a long pause. He looked out the window and spoke quickly. 'But I'm not. I like girls.'

'Is there a girl you like?'

This was the first time Yu Fan had been confessed to by a guy, and his mind was blank. He blurted out, 'No.'

As soon as he said it, he snapped back to reality and was about to say, 'What's it to you—'

'Then how do you know you like girls?'

'?'

What kind of bullshit logic is that?

'Anyway, I'm not gay, and there's no way I'm dating you—' Yu Fan couldn't bring himself to say the last two words. It was way too fucking weird.

He grabbed the love letter that had been lying on the desk for ages, holding it like a bomb as he shoved it toward Chen Jingshen. 'Here. Take it back.'

Chen Jingshen didn't take it.

Yu Fan held the prickly letter for a good ten seconds, feeling like an idiot. 'You want it or not? If not, I'll tear it up.'

Chen Jingshen stared at his earlobe for a moment, then said, 'Tear it up.'

After all, this version had been scribbled over and rewritten, and he wasn't particularly satisfied with it anyway.

Yu Fan took a deep breath, suppressed the urge to hit someone, and looked down to find Chen Jingshen's pocket so he could stuff the thing back in—

'Yu Fan!' A familiar loud voice rang through the entire third-floor hallway.

Yu Fan hadn't even touched Chen Jingshen's clothes. His hand jerked at the sound and froze midair.

Seeing that the figure outside was about to walk in, Yu Fan snatched the letter back and frantically stuffed it into his own pocket.

At the same time, Wang Luan'an came in from the door. 'Yu Fan, I messaged you, why didn't you reply—'

When he saw what was going on inside, Wang Luan'an froze. 'What are you guys doing?'

'Why are you back?' Yu Fan turned his head and asked irritably.

'I left my homework in the classroom. When I came back, I saw Fatty Hu going to the bathroom, so I thought you could grab it for me and we'd sneak out—' Wang Luan'an stared at him for a moment, then asked in shock, 'Why are your ears so red?'

'?' Yu Fan covered his ears and frowned. 'You're seeing things.'

'No, I'm not!' Wang Luan'an suddenly remembered the scene he'd walked in on. The two of them had weird expressions and were standing close together, like they were about to start a fight—

He looked at Chen Jingshen in disbelief. 'Did you twist my bro's ear?'

Yu Fan wanted to pull the thing out of his pocket and shove it into Wang Luan'an's mouth.

Chen Jingshen glanced at him but didn't say anything.

To Wang Luan'an, that was as good as a yes. He was about to keep asking when Yu Fan grabbed his clothes and yanked him back.

The phone in his bag started vibrating nonstop. This time it was a call.

Chen Jingshen didn't pay it any mind. He shifted his bag with one hand and continued expressionlessly, 'I've been watching you since first year.'

Yu Fan: '...'

Wang Luan'an: '?'

'At Sports Day, I watched your events.'

Yu Fan: '?'

Wang Luan'an: '???'

'I'm serious.' Chen Jingshen's hands hung at his sides. 'I hope you'll give it some serious thought.'

-

Fatty Hu's trip to the bathroom took forever, so Yu Fan ended up leaving through the school's main gate in broad daylight.

His expression was nasty, and the students around him instinctively stepped aside.

Wang Luan'an glanced at him for what felt like the hundredth time and finally couldn't help asking, 'Don't you think what Chen Jingshen said sounded kind of familiar...'

'No.'

'Really?' Wang Luan'an scratched his head. 'What did he want from you?'

Yu Fan's face got even darker. He pressed his lips together and finally forced out, '...He wanted to fight.'

'?'

Wang Luan'an was confused. 'Then why did he say he'd been watching you since first year...'

'He's had it in for me since first year.'

'He watched your events at Sports Day...'

'He wanted to see how awesome I was.'

'And at the end, he told you to think it over...'

'Think over whether to fight him.'

Wang Luan'an: '...'

It was weird, but it made sense. After all, he couldn't think of anything else those two could have going on.

Wang Luan'an asked casually, 'So did you guys settle it?'

'Settle my ass!'

...

They passed by a supermarket, and Wang Luan'an remembered the snacks he'd stashed at home were almost gone, so he went in to buy some.

Yu Fan waited outside.

The evening chill was heavy. A couple walked past him, the girl's hand tucked into the boy's pocket.

Yu Fan clenched the letter in his pocket and suddenly wanted a cigarette again.

He'd actually been trying to quit, keeping it to one every three days lately, and it was starting to work.

He couldn't let Chen Jingshen ruin that.

Thinking that, Yu Fan turned his face and let out a breath. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a trash can.

He hesitated for a moment, then walked over to the trash can, pulled the letter out of his pocket with two fingers, and held it over the opening.

The wind blew, and the envelope swayed.

Two seconds later, he let out a soft 'tsk' and pulled his hand back—

'Holy shit! A love letter?'

Yu Fan was quick. By the time Wang Luan'an rushed up, the thing was already back in his pocket.

Wang Luan'an held a plastic bag. 'Who gave it to you? Just now? How did I miss it?'

Yu Fan walked ahead. 'You saw wrong.'

'No way, my vision's 20/20!' Wang Luan'an suddenly understood. 'I get it, it must have been when you went back to write that self-criticism—no wonder your ears were so red.'

Wang Luan'an had been hanging out with Yu Fan for a long time.

Yu Fan was the type to take on five guys without breaking a sweat, read a self-criticism in front of thousands without a hint of stage fright, always wearing that cool, arrogant look that made people think he was afraid of nothing—

Until a girl confessed to him.

That was the first time Wang Luan'an had seen Yu Fan blush.

The guy who wouldn't even blink during a fight hung his head, his ears burning red, saying sorry to a girl who barely reached his shoulder, not daring to look her in the eye.

From that day on, he knew that his seemingly badass bro was, behind the scenes, an incredibly pure high school boy.

'Are you done?' They'd reached a fork in the road. Yu Fan turned around and walked off in the other direction without looking back. 'I'm out.'

-

Yu Fan went home and took a shower. When he came out, the upstairs was still banging and clattering nonstop.

Cheap residential buildings had no soundproofing; he was used to it. He went to the mirror and took a look.

The bruise on his face had faded a bit. Probably a few more days and it'd be gone.

Still looked ugly, though.

Yu Fan rubbed his face hard with a towel until the wound started to hurt, then stopped.

He shuffled out of the bathroom in his slippers, grabbed a cup of instant noodles, and was about to tear open the packaging when the door suddenly went 'knock knock' twice.

The sound hit him right in the temple.

Yu Fan paused. When he looked up again, the laziness had vanished from his face, replaced by a cold wariness.

He stared at the dark shadow under the crack of the door and waited quietly for a moment—

'Knock.' Another one.

Yu Fan let go of the noodles and turned to open the door.

He grabbed the handle, twisted it not too gently, and looked out with narrowed eyes—nothing there.

Yu Fan frowned and was about to close the door when he caught a glimpse of a little black head out of the corner of his eye.

He slowly looked down and met the gaze of a little girl in front of him.

It was the kid from the family that had just moved in. He'd seen her downstairs yesterday, two little pigtails, chubby cheeks.

Yu Fan's expression was too fierce. The little girl's eyebrows drooped, looking a bit scared.

They faced off for a while.

'What do you want?' Yu Fan spoke first. The edge from before hadn't fully worn off, and his tone was still tight.

The little girl flinched.

Actually flinched.

Yu Fan: '...'

Yu Fan sighed and crouched down to her eye level. 'Talk.'

The little girl held a plastic bag bigger than her face and gathered her courage. 'Mom said, yesterday she was cleaning the house, it was noisy, but tonight it won't be. She told me to give you dumplings... Big brother, please don't be mad.'

'Got it.' Yu Fan glanced at the bag. 'Take it back. I don't want it.'

The little girl stood there without moving, looking at him with pleading eyes.

Yu Fan frowned. 'Didn't you hear me?'

The little girl clutched the dumplings and flinched again.

...

A moment later, Yu Fan carried the plastic bag back inside, stuffed all the dumplings into the fridge, and went back to his instant noodles.

The family upstairs kept their word—not a single sound came through that night.

But Yu Fan still couldn't sleep until two in the morning. Maybe it was the start-of-school effect; his sleep had been terrible the past few days.

He ran a hand through his hair and decided to give up fighting it. He got up to get some water from the living room.

When he saw the stuff next to the kettle, Yu Fan paused mid-pour.

Before showering, he always dumped everything from his pockets onto the dining table. Right now, the table was a mess: a set of keys, his school meal card, some change, and a pink envelope.

Yu Fan stared at the stuff for a moment, then picked up his glass and walked away.

A second later, he turned back with a wooden expression, pulled the envelope out from the pile, and headed back to his room.

Yu Fan had received love letters before. Girls had thin skin, so he'd always rejected them on the spot and handed them back. This was the first time he'd taken one home.

He lay in bed, staring at the envelope in his hand, and suddenly thought of Chen Jingshen's overly proper uniform and the cold, distant way he'd rejected Zhang Xianjing.

He wanted to see what kind of crap someone like that could write.

Yu Fan propped his head on one hand, lying flat and lazy, and casually flipped open the envelope with his fingers.

The envelope and seal of this love letter were all flashy, but inside was just an ordinary piece of letter paper—the one Chen Jingshen had written in the classroom after school.

...

He should have just left back then.

Chen Jingshen's handwriting was lean and sharp, neat yet a bit sloppy, like he'd practiced.

Yu Fan held the letter paper and started reading from the beginning—

'To Yu Fan of Senior 2 Class 7:'

'Hello.'

'I am Chen Jingshen of Senior 2 Class 7.'

The letter had two shades of ink, one dark and one light. The darker one was probably added after school.

In the part that said 'Senior 2 Class 7,' the '7' had originally been '1,' and the darker ink had added a stroke on top to turn it into '7.'

'I don't know if you remember me, but we've seen each other a few times during the flag-raising ceremony.'

'At the first flag-raising of first year, you spoke eloquently on the Presidium Platform, reciting your self-criticism from memory. That image is deeply etched in my mind.'

'It was from then that I started noticing you.'

'I began to pay attention to the bottom of the grade ranking list; occasionally passing by Class Seven, I couldn't help but glance at the back of your head while you slept; during class, I couldn't stop myself from looking out the window at the School Playground, watching you run laps as punishment from the teacher.'

'Without realizing it, I've been watching you for a year.'

'During one major exam, I noticed your ranking had gone up by one place. I was genuinely happy for you, and that's when I realized my feelings for you.'

'So I decided to write this letter to express my feelings.'

After that, everything was in the darker ink.

'Although you went back to last place in the final exam last semester. But I believe you have a talent for studying, especially math. After all, a score of 9 is something a normal person couldn't achieve.'

'So as long as you're willing to work hard, you can definitely get better grades.'

Below are the supplementary books and Question Bank I recommend for you.

'How a Rookie Learns Math,' 'Slow Bird Flies First 2017 Edition,' 'Junior High Math Knowledge Points Summary.'

'Wishing you: smooth exams and academic progress.'

'Chen Jingshen.'

Yu Fan: '?'

Yu Fan: '...'

What the fuck?

No wonder you only got 110 in Chinese.