Chapter 14

Xu Yan muddled through another half month, spending every day wandering around with Ji Huai — art galleries, old alleys, museums, riverbanks, bridges, and old railway tracks. The city and its surroundings had changed quite a bit, and the two of them also visited several places where they used to hang out during their middle school days to reminisce about their youth. The DSLR's Storage Card filled up one after another. Every day, Xu Yan went home and sat in front of his computer, adjusting colors and editing photos, posting them on photography websites or Weibo. By chance, a big account reposted one, suddenly gaining him quite a few new followers, scaring him into quickly setting the low-resolution, non-mainstream selfies from ten years ago on his Weibo to private.

At night, while scrolling through Weibo, Xu Yan suddenly remembered something. He clicked on the group list, found Shen Zhi's Weibo, and removed him from the special follow list. He also recalled how shamelessly he had once used Shen Zhi's phone to set himself as a special follow — but Shen Zhi had probably long since removed that.

That night, after shutting Shen Zhi out the door, Xu Yan had actually stood behind it for a long time without moving. In his heart it was hard to say whether it was relief or sorrow. He heard Shen Zhi's phone ring—probably his assistant calling—something seemed to have gone wrong at the Company. Shen Zhi said in a low voice, 'I'll come back and handle it right away,' and footsteps sounded and then faded away. He was gone. Xu Yan reached up and touched his eye sockets—not wet, but truly aching. They were finally over, finally at an end, yet Xu Yan found it hard to draw a proper breath.

He suddenly remembered he still had a lot of things left at Shen Zhi's place, but actually none of that mattered. What Xu Yan cared about instead was that ugly little Little Crocodile—it was very comfortable to sleep hugging it. Sometimes when Shen Zhi came home late, Xu Yan would hug the Little Crocodile, and once Shen Zhi got into bed he'd switch to hugging him instead. Although Shen Zhi was certainly not entirely happy about being held while sleeping, Xu Yan had once genuinely felt happy—a kind of self-satisfying, lonely happiness.

Back for a month and a half now, Xu Yan finally decided to pick up the face he'd lost two years ago and go home for a visit. He mentioned it to Xu Nian, and Xu Nian very decisively slapped the table: 'Ge, don't be scared, I've already thought of a way. It just so happens I'm taking my sister to meet the parents—you come with us. You kneel down to Mom and Dad, then I'll bring up the engagement thing. One sorrow, one joy, it balances out—guaranteed no problems at all.'

Xu Yan: "Something came up, hanging up first."

After another meeting ended, Shen Zhi sat in the conference room looking down at documents. He wasn't entirely sure how he'd gotten through this period of time. It wasn't as if he'd never worked back-to-back before—when he'd first taken over the Company, his vacations had been counted in hours, terribly tight. The circle was full of heaven's favored children; there was always someone doing better than you. The more outstanding you were, the more you had to grit your teeth and reach upward. No one cared where the summit was; everyone only cared about the height and the gap.

He'd gotten through those days, always felt it was nothing special—but this time, after only half a month, Shen Zhi was finding it hard to bear.

No matter when, the moment he closed his eyes it was Xu Yan's words from that night—'We're over'—his expression, his gaze. Shen Zhi was no stranger to Xu Yan's quiet demeanor; he'd said many things that embarrassed Xu Yan before, and afterward would occasionally catch him staring coldly at his phone or a book in a daze. But whenever Xu Yan's eyes met his own, that coldness would instantly be replaced by a smile. Shen Zhi had thought Xu Yan possessed a self-healing ability from birth.

How could someone like this… open his mouth and say it was over?

Impossible. Shen Zhi asked himself over and over in his heart, not knowing who he was asking. How could Xu Yan leave and never return? His toiletries were still arranged in the bathroom, his clothes still hanging in the closet, half-eaten snacks of his in the fridge, a book half-read lying face-down on the nightstand… Every day when he came home, the scene was exactly the same as before Xu Yan had left—yet that person had said he wouldn't be coming back.

"President Shen." The assistant knocked and came in, saying, "Director Meng is waiting for you in the office."

Shen Zhi closed the file folder and stood up. Back in the office, Meng Yuwan was sitting on the sofa flipping through materials. Seeing Shen Zhi come in, she glanced up at him and said nothing. Shen Zhi pulled a stack of documents from the safe, walked to the sofa and handed them to her, saying, "Almost finished handling it."

"That means it's not finished yet." Meng Yuwan unhurriedly took the materials but couldn't be bothered to look at them, only saying, "If your father hadn't stepped in on this matter, you might not be standing here properly right now."

"It's my failure to manage my subordinates properly." Shen Zhi answered calmly.

"This time it was senior management absconding with funds and ruining a collaborative project. Next time something even more serious happens, are you planning to dismiss it with a single 'failed to manage' as well?" Meng Yuwan lifted her eyes, her gaze somewhat stern.

Shen Zhi said, "There won't be a next time."

"I hope there won't be either." The topic ended there; the severity of the matter needed no further discussion. When Shen Zhi said there wouldn't be a next time, there absolutely wouldn't be. Coming here today was merely to offer her son a word of caution after the storm had passed. Meng Yuwan took a sip of tea, her expression softening somewhat, and said, "As long as you keep your mind on work, your ability is not in question."

"I don't feel I've been neglecting work." Shen Zhi slightly furrowed his brow.

Meng Yuwan smiled: "Indeed you haven't neglected work, but keeping a man at home is always unseemly, and it's not good for your future development either."

This matter had been brought up more than once, and Shen Zhi's answer was still the same: "My private affairs have nothing to do with work."

"I heard Xu Yan went home." Meng Yuwan lifted her eyes to look at him, an elegant smile at the corner of her mouth. "Seems like it's been over a month?"

Shen Zhi turned his gaze toward the window, where skyscrapers stood in dense rows. After a few seconds, he said, "He wasn't in a good mood, went back to relax a bit."

"Is that so." Meng Yuwan wore a somewhat curious expression and asked, "Then why did he tell me he won't be coming back anymore?"

His gaze paused on the triangular peak of the building opposite. Shen Zhi stared for a moment, then turned back to look at Meng Yuwan, a sharp edge in his eyes: "You contacted him."

Meng Yuwan set down her teacup and said lightly, "Don't worry, I didn't touch him. Just made a phone call to check in—who knew he'd open his mouth and say he'd have nothing to do with you from now on, and asked me to pass along to you—congratulations on your marriage."

Congratulations on your marriage—those last four words were almost tangible in their weight, crashing down on his head. Over this half month Shen Zhi had replayed it many times, trying to find a turning point. Only at this moment did he realize Xu Yan had seen him meeting that girl's parents that evening—the abnormality: calm, rational, composed. Because it was too abnormal, it was in turn so ordinary as to go unnoticed.

So it was because of that incident… merely because of the engagement. Xu Yan had misunderstood, and that was why he refused to come back. Shen Zhi grasped the thread, thought through the beginning and end, glanced at his watch, and started walking out. Meng Yuwan immediately stood up and called after him: "Shen Zhi!"

Shen Zhi stopped and turned back to look at her, saying, "It's already after hours."

"With so many eyes on you right now, what qualifies you to discuss after-hours with me?" Meng Yuwan's brow furrowed slightly in anger. "Do you need your father to lecture you in person before you're satisfied?"

"It was my fault to begin with. I have no objections no matter who comes to lecture me." Shen Zhi gave Meng Yuwan a slight nod, pulled open the door, and left the office.

Driving up to the Residential Area Entrance of Xu Yan's place, Shen Zhi was about to turn in when the car parked at the opposite corner suddenly opened its door. Xu Yan stepped out, a DSLR hanging around his neck. In the driver's seat was Ji Huai, who also got out. The two stood by the roadside, heads together, looking at the photos on the DSLR, chatting cheerfully for a while. Then Xu Yan raised the Camera again and stepped back two paces. Ji Huai stood in the sunset glow, tacitly cooperating with him for the photo.

Shen Zhi pressed the brake, hands gripping the steering wheel, staring at the person across the way. Xu Yan was smiling without a care in the world, as if he'd never been this happy. Shen Zhi thought of that congratulations on your marriage—when Meng Yuwan had mentioned it he'd only felt relief at finally knowing the reason Xu Yan had left, but now thinking about it… Shen Zhi pressed his brow together and tightened his grip on the steering wheel, his knuckles going slightly white.

"Not bad!" Xu Yan made an OK gesture, then said, "Go on back. I'll edit the photos tonight—we shot too much today, so we won't go out tomorrow."

"Whatever works." Ji Huai shrugged. "Then I'll sleep in tomorrow. Hit me up if you need anything." Xu Yan waved at him, and Ji Huai smiled and got in the car, turning around to drive off. Xu Yan took a few more shots of the traffic on the street, then closed the lens cap and prepared to head back into the Residential Area.

He'd only just turned around when he saw a white Levante driving toward him—coming on aggressively. If he hadn't recognized it as Shen Zhi's car, Xu Yan might have thought he was being chased down. He held his turning posture as the car stopped in front of him, and the window rolled down. Xu Yan's eyes widened slightly—it didn't seem like such a long time since they'd seen each other, but Shen Zhi had visibly lost a lot of weight, the weariness on his face heavy, clearly a sign he hadn't rested properly in some time.

Xu Yan hadn't originally known about Shen Zhi's Company troubles—it was Xu Nian who told him. The gist was that senior management had run off with the money, taking several core documents with them, causing a project that had been in preparation for nearly half a year to be terminated outright. The matter made the city newspaper, but was quickly suppressed—presumably Shen Zhi's father had stepped in.

Xu Yan knew better than anyone what Shen Zhi looked like when he was busy. He had gone to the Company many a late night to bring Shen Zhi food, seen him working, and didn't dare disturb him much—waiting until he'd eaten, then packing up the containers and leaving. Shen Zhi never asked him to stay, never said they'd go home together afterward. Only on one or two rare occasions did Xu Yan boldly ask if he could stay, and Shen Zhi couldn't be bothered to answer—not refusing meant tacit consent. Xu Yan, thick-skinned as he was, took it that way and sat down on the sofa to read a magazine.

But now they had no relationship anymore, let alone any way to help. If he asked about it he might even be resented for being nosy—bringing up the one thing that shouldn't be mentioned. Xu Yan, possessed of considerable self-awareness, kept his mouth firmly shut, and exchanged a glance with Shen Zhi—as if it were a glance exchanged with any random person in the vast sea of humanity. He quickly turned his head and walked toward the Residential Area gate.

"Xu Yan." Shen Zhi called after him in a low voice.

If he still didn't respond now, it would become a matter of manners. Since it was an amicable breakup, there was no need to make things too awkward. Xu Yan turned back, smiled, and asked, "Something you need?"

Shen Zhi looked at him: "Get in the car."

Who would have thought Xu Yan actually stepped back: "I won't." Then he stood right there, looking at Shen Zhi very calmly, not approaching, instead appearing as though he might turn and leave at any moment—giving one an inexplicable, ungraspable sense of panic. Xu Yan said, "Just say it like this, I can hear you." He wasn't Shen Zhi—he wouldn't pretend something he'd heard with his own ears had never happened.

Shen Zhi, however, said nothing more, sitting in the car and staring at him. A car wanted to turn into the Residential Area, but Shen Zhi's car was parked right there across the way—utterly domineering. The driver behind started honking wildly, and the security guard poked his head out to look. Xu Yan had never known Shen Zhi could be this unreasonable, but seeing that his complexion really wasn't good—uncertain whether it was from exhaustion or from being defied by him. After much deliberation, and to avoid a homeowners' dispute affecting Residential Area harmony, Xu Yan gritted his teeth, walked over, pulled open the car door, and got into the passenger seat.