Chapter 17

The atmosphere turned subtly awkward. Li Ziyou sat between them, glancing back and forth in confusion. Xu Yan figured that if this went on any longer, the others would start suspecting he had a crush on Li Ziyou. He looked up and saw Shen Zhi walking back from the other end of the room—someone over there had been singing and tried to shove the mic into his hand, but Shen Zhi had pushed it back, refusing to sing. When Shen Zhi came back and sat down, Xu Yan pushed the drink over to him and said, 'You drink this.' Passing the buck to Shen Zhi—Qiu Hao could hardly ask Shen Zhi for it back.

Shen Zhi had no idea what was going on. His head was a little dizzy, his whole body sunk into the sofa. He stared at the glass for a moment, then asked Xu Yan, 'Why aren't you drinking?'

'I have something to do tomorrow morning. I can't hold my liquor—drink and I won't be able to get up.' Xu Yan said honestly. His heart was pounding. It had really been too long since he'd talked properly with Shen Zhi.

Shen Zhi lifted his lashes to glance at him, then reached for the glass. On the other side, Qiu Hao almost stood up to stop him, but pressed his lips together and stayed seated. Shen Zhi took a sip. The others called out to keep playing dice; he shook his head and stayed still against the sofa. Xu Yan was just working up the courage to lean over and ask if he felt unwell when Li Ziyou's phone rang—her roommate was calling to say she was nearby and asking if Li Ziyou wanted to head back together.

'I'll walk you back.' Qiu Hao put his arm around her.

Li Ziyou was still hesitating. Xu Yan spoke up: 'It's getting late—why don't you go back with your roommate? It's easier between girls if anything comes up.' It was too tangled. With no proof, he had no way to tell Li Ziyou that her boyfriend was off. And Qiu Hao was Shen Zhi's friend; today was Shen Zhi's birthday. No matter how he looked at it, he couldn't bring it up right now.

'Then I'll head off first—I have class tomorrow.' Li Ziyou stood up unsteadily. Qiu Hao glanced at Xu Yan. Xu Yan met his gaze calmly.

When they left, Xu Yan followed them out of the hall, down the stairs. He watched Li Ziyou get into a taxi with her roommate, and only then did he breathe a little easier. Qiu Hao stood by the roadside. Xu Yan walked over and said, 'Give me the room card.' Qiu Hao lit a cigarette, glanced at him, and pulled out the card to hand it over. Xu Yan took it without a word and turned back toward the hotel.

The others in the hall were getting wilder and wilder, but Shen Zhi was quietly leaning back in the sofa with his eyes closed. Xu Yan walked over, leaned down to look at him, and asked, 'Where does it hurt?' Shen Zhi opened his eyes slightly, didn't speak. Xu Yan thought his face looked a little flushed, and couldn't help reaching out to touch—very hot. He really was drunk.

A teammate nearby asked, 'Should we send Shen Zhi back first?'

Xu Yan nodded, then remembered the room Qiu Hao had opened with his ID hadn't been checked out yet—no point wasting it. He said, 'Let Shen Zhi sleep it off at the hotel. You guys keep playing—I'll take him.'

He helped Shen Zhi to his feet. The teammate opened the door for them and saw them into the elevator. Xu Yan propped Shen Zhi up and gave the teammate an OK sign: 'Go have fun. I'll head out in a bit—I have to catch the bus with my classmates tomorrow morning.' The teammate nodded, gave him a few parting reminders, and the elevator doors closed.

Xu Yan held Shen Zhi around the waist as he looked for the room. Shen Zhi's breathing was rapid. Xu Yan turned his head, saw an unusual flush on his face, and asked, 'Uncomfortable?' Shen Zhi frowned impatiently, reached up to tug at his jacket collar, and said muffled, 'Hot...' Xu Yan quickly soothed him: 'Okay, okay, the moment we get to the room I'll take your clothes off.'

By the time he found the room, Shen Zhi's condition was already off—brow tightly knit, a flush spreading under his eyes, fine sweat beading at his temples. Xu Yan swiped the card to open the door, held Shen Zhi inside, the door shut. Before he could even slot the card into the power slot, a considerable force shoved him backward. His back hit the wall. Xu Yan's eyes went wide in the dark, startled. He was about to speak when Shen Zhi's whole body pressed against him. It happened so suddenly that Xu Yan even thought Shen Zhi was going to hit him—but then, something landed precisely on his lips, very hot. Shen Zhi was kissing him.

Shen Zhi wrapped his arms tightly around Xu Yan. Even through the padded jacket, Xu Yan could feel his body heat and his heartbeat, pounding through. Xu Yan's temples throbbed, drumlike; his whole back went numb. Shen Zhi's kiss was more like a bite—he lifted a hand to grip Xu Yan's jaw. Xu Yan mumbled a few muffled sounds, then suddenly shoved Shen Zhi away.

His eyes had adjusted to the light, enough to barely make out the other's face. Xu Yan gasped for breath, wiped his mouth, and asked in a trembling voice, 'Do you even know who I am?' Even if the surprise had overwhelmed him, he realized now that Shen Zhi was drunk. Some things could be self-deceiving, but they couldn't be left unclear.

Shen Zhi didn't answer. Soon he pressed close again...

When Xu Yan got out of bed, his legs were still weak, his palms damp—he couldn't tell if it was Shen Zhi's sweat or his own. He went to the bathroom to clean up, came back with a hot towel, wiped Shen Zhi's face and neck, then used tissues to wipe where it was needed. Finally he pulled the blanket over Shen Zhi and lay beside the pillow, staring at him. He didn't know whether the alcohol had let Shen Zhi's true feelings show or simply dissolved his sense—but what if? What if Shen Zhi really did feel even the slightest bit of something for him?

'Happy birthday.' Xu Yan said softly. He leaned over, kissed Shen Zhi's forehead, then his nose, his cheek, his lips and chin. Shen Zhi frowned—Xu Yan thought he didn't like it and was about to pull back, but Shen Zhi opened his mouth. They kissed, a little sticky, for a while. Xu Yan saw Shen Zhi's eyes half-open, watching him, but the gaze was clearly not sober. Soon Shen Zhi closed his eyes again, tilted his head to the side, and fell asleep.

Xu Yan stayed in the room until past ten. Once he was sure Shen Zhi was really asleep, he got up, put on his jacket, slipped out quietly, and made it back to the dorm before curfew.

Xu Yan hadn't slept a wink all night, but when he got up early the next morning to catch the bus with his classmates, he was wide awake. The ride was two and a half hours. He didn't dare close his eyes, afraid of missing a message from Shen Zhi—but by the time they were almost at the stop, the 'Are you awake? Is your head still dizzy?' he'd sent still hadn't gotten any reply. The classmate beside him, on the other hand, had just woken up from a nap—he was a high school classmate of Shen Zhi's, had gone to the birthday party yesterday too, gotten back very late, and was dead tired.

'How do you have so much energy?' the classmate yawned. 'Oh, you got back early last night.'

Once he said that, Xu Yan felt last night's scenes replaying in his mind like some kind of adult film, his heart pounding. He tried to sound casual: 'Yeah, left a bit earlier than you guys.'

'Man, I wonder if after one night, the odds of Shen Zhi getting a girlfriend have gone up.' the classmate said out of nowhere.

Xu Yan froze completely, thinking the classmate knew about him and Shen Zhi—but that was impossible. He glanced out the window, then turned back, and asked evenly, 'What do you mean?'

'Just, man, it's nothing unusual.' the classmate shifted into a more comfortable position, leaning back against the seat. 'Shen Zhi had a girlfriend in high school—the school beauty, total knockout, called Tang Yunyan. Later Tang Yunyan graduated and went abroad, they broke up, but it seems like they've still been in touch on and off.'

'Then yesterday, seems like after they cut the cake, Shen Zhi got a call. I caught a glimpse—it was from Tang Yunyan. Shen Zhi went out to take it, and when he came back he drank quite a lot. Man, I'm really nosy, but Shen Zhi hasn't dated for over two years. He definitely still has feelings for Tang Yunyan. My guess is they'll get back together.'

'They really are a great match. Tang Yunyan's family is well-off, she's smart, good grades, went abroad to study design, and she can already rub shoulders with industry bigwigs while still in college—going to fashion shows and all that. Can't even be jealous.' The classmate was still talking when he suddenly grinned slyly and lowered his voice: 'Shen Zhi and her were pretty close in high school. You couldn't tell anything in front of other people, but once I heard him call her "Yanyan"—super smooth, must be what he calls her in private. Damn, someone like Shen Zhi actually calling his girlfriend that—I was stunned!'

When he finished, the bus had just stopped. Everyone was gathering their things to get off. Xu Yan stood up numbly along with them, reached up to the luggage rack for his backpack, and the water bottle in the side pocket slid out and smacked him right on the head. The classmate cried out, asked if it hurt. Xu Yan stood there in a daze, motionless, his face a little pale. It took him a while to come back to himself, and he said, 'Doesn't hurt. I'm fine.'