16

A week later, Xu Yan went to a photography exhibition. His submitted work was a series of finished photos of an old-city Tongzilou Building. There was a boy in his elementary school class whose family wasn't well off, who didn't like to talk, but Xu Yan loved playing with him and always asked where he lived—if it was close, they could walk home together from then on. The boy never answered, but one day he suddenly asked Xu Yan if he wanted to come to his house to play, saying his mom and dad had come back to see him, and there would be good food tonight. Xu Yan agreed without a second thought.

He saw things he'd never seen before—the crowded corridor, the noisy building, the dripping clothes and smoking coal stoves in the hallway. That night the boy still barely spoke, and his parents were also taciturn country folk, but Xu Yan's bowl was filled with meat. He still remembered that fragrance.

Nearly twenty years had passed. That boy from back then had long since vanished into the sea of people without a trace, but Xu Yan had still followed his memory to find that Tongzilou Building. Many people had left, many more had moved in, lives overturned beyond recognition, but the Tongzilou Building never changed. It had always been there, its body holding the same things it had twenty years ago.

'Guest list.' Xu Nian walked over with a folded page, bumped Xu Yan's elbow. 'Even TIDE's editor-in-chief came. That's some level.'

Xu Yan took the list. TIDE was a top-tier domestic fashion magazine—anyone who could grace its cover was either an award-winning film star or a current top-tier celebrity. Although he'd known early on that someone from TIDE would come, the editor-in-chief coming personally... this photography exhibition was indeed more high-end than Xu Yan had imagined.

'Want to get in?' Xu Nian said suddenly. 'Ge, if you go to TIDE, you'll definitely learn more.'

'Are you that impressive?' Xu Yan turned to look at him. 'Now you can just say the word and get someone into TIDE?'

'I do have some connections, okay?' Xu Nian glanced at him with disdain. 'When I was studying abroad I got to know TIDE's current lead photographer. If he opens his mouth and says he wants to bring in a newcomer, that newcomer will be carried into the magazine on a sedan chair.'

Xu Yan was taken aback. 'Isn't he gay? How did you two even meet?'

Xu Nian smiled faintly. 'Precisely because he's gay, we got to know each other.'

Everything said without words. Xu Yan said, 'For him to take a liking to you, that must have been a serious Waterloo for his taste. He must regret it too.'

Xu Nian immediately snapped upon hearing that. 'We're good friends now—he asked me out for coffee the day before yesterday! Xu Yan, don't be ungrateful. If you slander me again I'll go home and tell Mom!' Xu Yan was amused by him, laughing as he patted his shoulder—a very perfunctory comfort.

Lowering his head to continue scanning past the TIDE editor-in-chief's name, the three characters that followed made Xu Yan pause.

'Tang Yunyan...' Xu Nian leaned in beside him and read the name out for him, then murmured, 'Isn't she, wasn't she in the European and American fashion circle? Such a phenomenal big designer—how did she end up back in the country?'

Staring at that name for a long time, Xu Yan said, 'How would I know.'

He certainly didn't know why Tang Yunyan had come back to the country. He didn't even know Tang Yunyan at all. But this person still occupied an unshakable place in his mind—just as there were always people who couldn't let go of their boyfriend's ex.

Still in his junior year. Since that birthday when, drunk, he'd confessed to Shen Zhi and gotten nothing in return, Xu Yan had avoided him whenever he could. Shen Zhi could ruthlessly say to pretend he'd never heard it, but Xu Yan couldn't—the words had come from his own mouth, Shen Zhi's attitude was plain as day, and Xu Yan ultimately couldn't bring himself to act completely unbothered.

He dodged from autumn all the way to winter, inevitably running into Shen Zhi along the way. Both tacitly fell silent, then brushed past each other. Until once, before a basketball game, Xu Yan had to go to training. The moment he arrived, teammates swarmed him, demanding to know why he hadn't come to play ball with them these past few months. Xu Yan glanced at Shen Zhi, who was shooting hoops at the other end of the court, and smiled, saying he had too many classes and assignments this semester—too busy.

After training, Xu Yan grabbed his water bottle and tried to slip away, when a teammate suddenly said, 'Hey, Yan-yan, Shen Zhi's birthday is the day after tomorrow. Remember to come—we'll wait for you at the school gate.' Xu Yan's body stiffened. He hadn't missed the group chat discussion about Shen Zhi's birthday, and the others had assumed he would definitely come, but he didn't want to go and didn't know how to speak up for a moment.

He hemmed, 'I might that day...'—might have something on, can't make it. But before he could finish, he looked up and saw Shen Zhi drinking water, his gaze lowered toward him. After their eyes met, Shen Zhi looked away. That moment was strange—for some reason Xu Yan froze, then said, '...oh, then let me know in advance. I'll meet everyone at the school gate.'

Afterwards, Xu Yan's mood was complicated. He didn't understand the meaning behind Shen Zhi's glance—maybe there was no meaning at all, just an accidental meeting of eyes. But Xu Yan hadn't detected anything like disgust or rejection in that gaze—perhaps Shen Zhi had already turned that page. Thinking this way, Xu Yan only felt worse, more sour and aching.

The birthday party was held on a certain floor of a hotel building, a section booked out and specially decorated. The table was laden with food; the huge projection was playing King of Comedy. Xu Yan looked around—many familiar faces. Probably because everyone present was a friend, Shen Zhi didn't look as cold and distant as usual, chatting with people. Xu Yan ate while weaving through the crowd, watching him from afar, when his shoulder was tapped. He turned—it was Qiu Hao, asking, 'Did you bring your ID?'

'I did. Why?' Tomorrow morning the entire major would set out for another city for fieldwork. Xu Yan had prepared his documents in his bag in advance and had happened to bring it along today.

'Let me book a room,' Qiu Hao said. 'If we play too late, I'll have Ziyou sleep here for the night.' Qiu Hao and Shen Zhi were high school classmates, and their families' Corporation had dealings with each other, so the two of them also had interactions. Li Ziyou was his girlfriend, a pretty young woman majoring in English, who had previously attended a summer camp with Shen Zhi.

Xu Yan hesitated, then went downstairs with him to book the room. By the time he came back, the cake had just been rolled out, and the atmosphere instantly livened up. Xu Yan was inexplicably squeezed next to Shen Zhi. The light was dim; Shen Zhi's profile was lit by the candle flame. Everyone heckled him to close his eyes and make a wish. Shen Zhi said, 'Nothing to wish for,' and blew out the candle. Xu Yan thought about it—made sense. What didn't he have? Where would he need to make a wish?

After the cake, someone turned on the microphone and brought out several cases of alcohol—the real revelry of the night was about to begin. Xu Yan had eaten a few bites of cake; his hands were sticky. He went to the bathroom to wash them, and the moment he stepped inside, he heard Qiu Hao on the phone with someone.

'What else can we do—just get more drinks into her tonight, get what's got to be done done. I've already booked the room.'

'We've been dating two months and she won't let me touch her. What's the point? I'm going abroad next week—at least I have to sleep with her once before I go.'

'Never seen anyone this difficult. Who does Plato with her? Bored, that's what.'

Xu Yan stood outside quietly for a few seconds, then turned and went back to the hall. A group was already going wild; Shen Zhi had been forced to drink quite a bit and was playing dice with people. Xu Yan looked around, trying to find Li Ziyou, when someone waved at him: 'Yan-yan, come play for me a while—I'm going to take a call.'

It was the person sitting next to Shen Zhi, and right beside him was Li Ziyou. Xu Yan walked over and sat down between Shen Zhi and Li Ziyou. His mind was a bit of a mess; he didn't know how to tell Li Ziyou about Qiu Hao. Logically, it was none of his business, but he couldn't let a girl be... without her knowledge—even if the other party was her boyfriend. This was a matter of principle.

Qiu Hao soon came out of the bathroom too, sat down beside Li Ziyou, and casually filled her glass. Xu Yan frowned and couldn't help saying, 'Drink less. Too much will upset your stomach.'

Li Ziyou was already a bit drunk, leaning in Qiu Hao's arms with a smile. 'It's fine—it's Shen Zhi's birthday. Having fun is what matters.'

Before Xu Yan could say more, the outside of his thigh was suddenly bumped. He looked over—it was actually Shen Zhi, nudging him with his knee. He looked at Xu Yan and said, 'Your turn.' That gaze carried a hint of drunkenness, his lashes lowered, very bewitching—especially able to bewitch Xu Yan. Xu Yan immediately went mute, obediently opened the dice cup. The others burst out laughing, asking how much Xu Yan had drunk—they'd told him to keep counting down, not to open the cup.

Xu Yan felt his face about to catch fire. He hurriedly closed the dice cup and said he'd forgotten. Shen Zhi slightly turned his eyes and saw his reddened ear tip. Xu Yan's hair was very black, looked very soft; his eyes were very pretty. From the bridge of his nose to the tip, to his lips, to his chin, to his Adam's apple—one smooth, beautiful line. He was studying him without meaning to when Xu Yan suddenly turned his head and asked quite seriously, 'What number did you just say?'

They hadn't talked like this in a long time. Shen Zhi froze for a moment, then stood up without warning. 'I'm going to wash my face.'

Xu Yan lowered his eyes, guessing Shen Zhi probably didn't want to deal with him. He shook the dice, and when he looked up again he was smiling. 'Let's start over.'

'Ah!' Li Ziyou beside him cried out. Her wine glass had tipped over and rolled on the floor—luckily there wasn't much wine in it. A few tissues cleaned it up. Qiu Hao stood up. 'I'll get you a new cup. You keep playing.'

'Ziyou, are you going back to the dorm tonight?' After Qiu Hao left, Xu Yan asked Li Ziyou.

'Mm.' Li Ziyou nodded, but her next sentence made Xu Yan's heart jump again. 'Qiu Hao will walk me back.'

Just then Qiu Hao came back with a new cup, already filled to the brim with alcohol. He set the drink in front of Li Ziyou, but Xu Yan reached out and took it directly. 'I don't have a cup either. Give this one to me.'

Qiu Hao's face changed instantly, then quickly smiled again. 'Just tell me and I'll get you another one. This was poured for Ziyou.'

'They're all new anyway. It's fine, right?' Xu Yan stared at him as he said it.