21

The next day Shen Zhi didn't go to the Company. He had turned off his phone before bed the night before, but his temples kept aching, so he got up to look for sleeping pills. After searching for a while with no luck, he remembered that Xu Yan had hidden his sleeping pills long ago, saying it was best not to take that kind of thing.

Shen Zhi asked him: 'Where did you hide them?'

Xu Yan said: 'In the most dangerous place.'

They had been sitting side by side on the bed at the time. After Xu Yan finished speaking, Shen Zhi suddenly reached toward his lower back, and Xu Yan grabbed his hand, expression a little shaken: 'Wh... what are you doing?' Shen Zhi rarely did something like that normally, so Xu Yan—even someone so brazenly shameless—blushed instantly, his speech stumbling a little.

Shen Zhi pulled his hand back and said: 'Didn't you say you hid them in the most dangerous place?'

Xu Yan paused, muttering: 'That doesn't mean I'd hide them here.'

Once a person falls into memory, the emotional turbulence only makes it harder to sleep. Shen Zhi opened his eyes. The space on his right was empty. He reached out and touched that Little Crocodile, just a brush, then quickly pulled his hand back. How long it took him to fall asleep afterward, he also forgot.

From downstairs came the faint sound of a doorbell. Shen Zhi was woken up by it, glanced up at the clock, then got up, threw on a jacket, and went downstairs. When the door opened, his parents' Bao Mu stood outside with three or four cleaners. Shen Zhi looked at the unsmiling person in front of him and asked: 'What's the matter?'

'The Madam sent me to bring people to clean the house.'

'The house is clean.' Shen Zhi stood there expressionlessly and said, 'No need to clean.'

'The Madam said to have us pack up Mr. Xu's things and move them out, or for you to move to a different house.' Bao Mu said slowly. She had worked under Meng Yuwan for nearly thirty years; her seniority ran deep. When Shen Zhi was small, she had acted as an elder, meddling in everything, only restraining herself somewhat in recent years.

'No need.' Shen Zhi answered again.

'Don't make things hard for us. If we can't complete it, we won't be able to answer to the Madam.'

Shen Zhi frowned, a faint suppressed impatience showing: 'Clean one round and leave. Don't touch my things.'

Bao Mu nodded slightly, gave the cleaners behind her a look, and the group walked past Shen Zhi into the living room. Shen Zhi went back upstairs to wash up. His head still ached a little, his wrist was uncomfortable, everything felt terrible. He casually pushed back his hair, stood quietly in front of the mirror for a few seconds, then opened the door and went out.

The moment he opened the door, he saw a cleaner standing by the bed, stuffing that Little Crocodile into an enormous black garbage bag. From the walk-in closet came voices; Shen Zhi heard Bao Mu say: 'Take all the clothes out of this closet and put them in garbage bags.'

For an instant there was an impulse of blood rushing to his scalp, carrying a hot, irritated agitation. Shen Zhi walked over with a cold face, snatched the bag from the cleaner's hands, then walked to the closet doorway and stared at Bao Mu and the cleaner who were piling Xu Yan's clothes into garbage bags, and said in a low voice, word by word: 'I said don't touch my things.'

'These all belong to Mr. Xu, don't they?' Bao Mu wore rubber gloves, looking as though she were genuinely disposing of garbage. She picked up one of Xu Yan's sweatshirts and said, 'We haven't touched a single thing of yours. We're just clearing out what's not needed.'

Shen Zhi closed his eyes briefly. How could he not know this was Meng Yuwan's intention—she had long wanted to strip Xu Yan away from him completely. This tug-of-war had been going on for four years, ever since Xu Yan got together with him... So what? Shen Zhi opened his eyes and said: 'Get out.'

When had he ever been so rude? Bao Mu was startled, her face a little wounded, her expression turning severe—she actually looked somewhat similar to Meng Yuwan: 'This is the Madam's request. Please watch your words. We...'

'Get out.' Shen Zhi cut her off. 'This is my own house. It's not anyone else's business. Pass that sentence along to her. Put the things down and leave.'

The house returned to quiet. Shen Zhi stood for a while, then took the things out of the garbage bag again. The bag was clean; the clothes and such weren't dirty. Shen Zhi put each item back in its place. Last was the Little Crocodile. Shen Zhi initially put it in the closet, but after only a second, he took it out again, left the closet, and placed it back by Xu Yan's pillow.

After work, Xu Yan drove to Ji Huai's place. He hadn't run into Tang Yunyan all day, and he finally breathed a sigh of relief now. Although things between him and Shen Zhi were already over, this matter was still a little awkward. He didn't understand why, last night, when Shen Zhi had been chatting fine with Tang Yunyan, he'd ended up following him back to his Residential Area—it had been entirely possible not to expose their relationship in front of her.

'Our young master Ji, really living the good life.' The moment Ji Huai got in the car, Xu Yan started in with a sarcastic tone. 'Eat, play, sleep every day. I'm jealous.'

'You've only been working for two days yourself.' Ji Huai leaned back in the passenger seat and glanced at him.

'Restaurant booked? Where?'

'I'll send you the location.' Ji Huai took out his phone and said, 'I invited Xu Nian too.'

'Oh, he's actually free today, didn't go find his sister.'

'Said she's on another business trip.' Ji Huai said.

Xu Yan had been driving for two minutes when he suddenly froze: 'Shit, today is Xu Nian's birthday.'

Ji Huai wasn't surprised. He smiled and said: 'Really? Then perfect, let's just have a meal together and treat it as a birthday celebration.'

Before Xu Nian arrived at the restaurant, Xu Yan hastily asked the kitchen to make a small Cake, then remembered he hadn't prepared a gift either, so he could only transfer some money to Xu Nian later as a token. When he returned to the table, Xu Nian had also arrived and was chatting with Ji Huai. Seeing Xu Yan walk over, Xu Nian looked up and asked him: 'Gege, where's my gift?'

'Later.' Xu Yan said guiltily. 'I'll give it to you later.'

'Forget it, you didn't prepare anything at all. I saw through you ages ago.' Xu Nian said, raising his hand to show off the pretty bracelet on his left wrist, showing off like a child: 'Look how good Ji Huai-ge is to me!' The bracelet looked clearly handmade, low-key in appearance but probably worth a fortune.

Xu Yan was startled and asked Ji Huai: 'When did you even prepare a gift for him?'

'Brought it back when I returned to the country. It happened to be Xu Nian's birthday, so I gave it to him.' Ji Huai said calmly, as if it were the most natural thing. Xu Yan couldn't quite put his finger on what felt off, so he nodded and sat down to eat.

Toward evening, Shen Zhi went back home. He hadn't turned on his phone all day, and Meng Yuwan hadn't come looking for him either—clearly holding back to see what this son of hers would actually do. When he entered, his parents were already eating dinner. Shen Zhi said nothing, pulled out a chair, and sat down. The one who set his tableware was the old Bao Mu who had received two 'get out's that day. Shen Zhi nodded slightly and said: 'Thank you.' Bao Mu didn't look at him and silently returned to the kitchen.

After only a few bites, Meng Yuwan set down her chopsticks and asked coldly: 'Shen Zhi, why didn't you go to the Company today? Your phone was off too. If something had happened at the Company, could you bear the loss?'

Just as Shen Zhi was about to speak, Shen Ming said: 'Eat first, talk after. Why do you always talk to your own son in this tone you use with subordinates?'

'If he did everything well, would I need to be like this? Well, anyway, it's not my place to worry anymore.' Meng Yuwan tossed her napkin lightly onto the table and got up to go upstairs.

Shen Zhi ate and drank his soup calmly. His mother had always cared especially about whether he did well, because how excellent he was concerned the Shen family's face—and even more, Meng Yuwan's personal face. In raising her son, Meng Yuwan had spared no effort; she wanted perfection, wanted Shen Zhi to never make mistakes—but Shen Zhi had made a mistake, and a very serious one at that.

'The Company matters are pretty much settled.' Shen Ming put down his chopsticks, wiped his mouth, and said.

'Mm.' Shen Zhi nodded. 'Dad, thank you for this time.'

'Your mother had you come back today, probably because she felt there were some things she wanted me to say to you.' Shen Ming took a sip of tea and said slowly, 'From childhood you've always had a clear head, and you've known your limits in everything. What's actually going on lately?'

Shen Zhi lowered his eyes and didn't respond. Shen Ming looked at him: 'When you were with Xu Yan in college, the uproar it caused at home—you haven't forgotten, have you?'

'No.' Shen Zhi said.

'Your mother and I took it as youthful impulse, that you'd play around and get over it. We cut off a year of your living expenses as a warning, but who knew you'd later bring him home and live with him.' Shen Ming frowned. 'When you graduated college, you suddenly said you weren't going to do grad school and came back to take over the Company. We thought you meant to properly inherit it, but it turned out you were just doing it to pay back the money for that house.'

Shen Zhi's villa had been a nineteenth-birthday gift from his family. A large portion of what he earned after joining the Company went back to his parents; otherwise he wouldn't have had the confidence to say 'this is my house' when kicking someone out. Growing up in whatever circle you grow up in means accepting that circle's rules. He had seen too many peers who looked bright and materially rich on the surface, but the moment their families cut them off, they immediately lost their backing, had nothing, and slinked back with their tails between their ears to admit their mistakes—Shen Zhi didn't want to be that kind of person.

Shen Ming's words seemed to comb through Shen Zhi's life of the past few years again. He realized that every decision he had made was, to a greater or lesser degree, invisibly connected to Xu Yan. For instance, his ambition wasn't in the Company but in studying law. His parents had forcefully demanded he study economics, so Shen Zhi had planned to finish his undergraduate degree and then try to switch. But as graduation approached, he had simply chosen to give up, because he had suddenly felt that some things needed to be done ahead of time.

'Since childhood it's been your mother managing you. She said she had her own way of educating you and didn't need me to interfere. Fine, I didn't interfere. But now I want to ask—Shen Zhi, what on earth are you thinking? Your state these past months can only be described as a complete mess.'

Shen Zhi stared at the plate of steamed pork ribs with rice flour on the table—one of Xu Yan's favorite dishes. Unfortunately, he himself could never make it well. He'd tried many times, finally going crazy in the kitchen and saying he had to be a Sichuan person in his next life. Thinking of this, the corner of Shen Zhi's mouth curved very slightly. The smile vanished quickly; fortunately, it didn't catch Shen Ming's eye.

'I will handle my personal matters.' Shen Zhi said.

'What more is there to handle? He's gone now—isn't that the best outcome?' Shen Ming's face showed a hint of anger. 'Shen Zhi, if you don't like him, there's no need to spend any more time on this.'

'I don't not—' As if his throat had been seized, the words that followed couldn't come out. Shen Zhi suddenly paused very strangely. After a while, he raised his eyes to look at Shen Ming and said, 'I will do my work well, but where I spend my personal time is my own business.'

'Shen Zhi.' Shen Ming stared at him. 'Don't disappoint us again.'

Shen Zhi still answered clearly: 'Apart from work, I can't guarantee anything else.' He got up, pulled out his chair, nodded to Shen Ming, and said, 'Dad, I'll head back first. You and Mom get some rest.'

He was suddenly desperate to find the answer to something—or perhaps not to find the answer, but to confirm it. So he had to see Xu Yan. Shen Zhi had a feeling that after Xu Yan left, every time he saw him, something in his mind became a little clearer. Though he didn't know what exactly it was, there would be an answer eventually.