Chapter 28

After washing his face in the morning, Xu Yan checked himself in the mirror. His eyes were only slightly swollen, his condition passable—adults always came equipped with the ability to self-heal. After a simple tidy-up, Xu Yan opened the door. Today was the last working day of the year; the day after tomorrow was New Year's Eve.

Closing the door, Xu Yan walked past the person standing in front of him and headed toward the elevator. Shen Zhi was still wearing the exact same clothes as last night, a packed hot wonton in his hand. He opened his mouth to call Xu Yan's name, but his throat was too hoarse—the 'Xu' was almost inaudible as it left his mouth, a rasping breath of sound.

Xu Yan quickly reached the elevator, pressed the button, and waited quietly for it to come. Shen Zhi walked to his side, handed over the wonton, and said quietly: "I'll drive you to the company. You can eat in the car."

No response. Xu Yan remained unmoved. The elevator doors opened, he walked in, hands in his pockets, listlessly leaning in the corner. Shen Zhi stood beside him, eyes lowered in silence. The elevator descended to the garage, Xu Yan pulled out his keys and unlocked the car. Shen Zhi suddenly grabbed him: "Xu Yan."

Only then did Xu Yan look up at him. The weariness on Shen Zhi's face was heavy, blood vessels densely webbed in his eyes, his lips slightly pale—Xu Yan found it wretched that he could still feel his heart ache for this person even now. He shook off Shen Zhi's hand, didn't say a word, but Shen Zhi grabbed him again, lowered his head and hung the bag with the wonton on his wrist, saying: "Then eat it in your own car before you go."

The garage was so quiet there was no sound. Xu Yan weighed the wonton in his hand, then walked to one side and threw it in the trash.

He turned and got in the car, drove out of the garage. In the rearview mirror, Shen Zhi's figure standing in place grew distant. Xu Yan only looked ahead, eyes fixed forward.

No filming today. The whole morning was spent archiving image files on the computer. During the lunch break, Xu Yan stood with Lu Sen in the pantry. Lu Sen asked him: "How's the thing I mentioned to you last time? Have you thought about it?"

Xu Yan shook his head: "Don't know, haven't figured it out yet."

"No rush. Tell me when you've decided." Lu Sen patted his shoulder. "Personally I think it's a good opportunity for you. Go to Paris for a year or two, and when you come back you can get promoted. Others won't have any objections either. Plus it's like further study—you don't have dedicated photographer experience on your resume, take this chance to enrich it. The magazine there has a travel section, and you like shooting landscapes, you could give it a try."

Xu Yan knew Lu Sen meant well, but he'd never had any plans to go abroad before. Suddenly having such a choice in front of him, there was bound to be some hesitation.

"Mm, I'll think about it properly." Xu Yan said.

Lu Sen nodded, waved a greeting toward the door: "Chloe."

Xu Yan turned to look, saw Tang Yunyan walking in, and smiled at her.

"I'll go check on post-production." Lu Sen glanced at his watch. "You two keep resting."

After Lu Sen left, only the two of them remained. The atmosphere wasn't exactly awkward, but Xu Yan didn't know what to say, so he simply stayed silent and drank water. Tang Yunyan got a cup of water, stood shoulder to shoulder with Xu Yan leaning against the counter, blew gently on the rim of her cup, and said: "Shen Zhi hasn't gone home these past few days."

Quite a direct opening. Xu Yan paused, said: "Oh, is that so."

"We've been classmates since middle school." Tang Yunyan held the cup with both hands, looking at the floor. "In our final year of high school, I confessed to him. He said yes."

Xu Yan listened quietly, though he didn't know why Tang Yunyan was telling him all this.

"A lot of people pursued him. I asked him why he agreed to be with me, he said he didn't know. But that really is the answer he could give." Tang Yunyan said, laughing—that smile carried a strange sense of helplessness toward a child. "Later I thought about it, he probably felt I was a lot like him—rational, not childish, not naive."

"But I wasn't actually that rational. Back then I thought I could change him, so I had him try calling me by my nickname, asked him out to movies, bought couple bracelets... but facts proved Shen Zhi is just a vase—a vase when it comes to relationships."

"Just looking at his exterior, he seems like someone who isn't lacking in romantic experience, or who always enjoys others' love for him, but neither is true. He treats feelings very awkwardly, very unfamiliar with them, so he always seems like a bystander, as if the person in the relationship isn't him."

"Later I told him I wanted to break up, but for some reason I always felt like I was the one who got dumped." Tang Yunyan laughed, took a sip of water, and said, "We've stayed in touch all these years. Not working as a couple, being friends actually suits us better. His junior year of college, he suddenly told me a friend of his had confessed to him."

Xu Yan's heart skipped a beat—after all this talk, it still circled back to him.

"I asked him what he thought, he said he didn't know. A person who gets first place in exams, wins gold in competitions—whenever it comes to this kind of question, his answer is always 'I don't know.'"

"I asked him, do you like him? Shen Zhi said he'd never thought about being with a guy. I said that's not the same thing—do you actually like him or not? Shen Zhi said he didn't know again. No choice, I could only ask him: do you like your parents? He said no. I asked, do you like me? He said it's the kind of liking you have for friends. I asked if any guy had ever confessed to him before, he said yes, he'd rejected them all."

"So in the end I asked: if some other guy confessed to you, would you be this hesitant, this unclear? Shen Zhi said no."

"I thought after that he should have had a very clear answer in his heart, but it doesn't seem like it. These years you've been together, something seems off. I don't know where the problem is either—Shen Zhi refused to say anything later."

What a coincidence—Xu Yan didn't know where the problem was either.

The water in the cup had gone cold. Xu Yan took her cup and refilled it. Tang Yunyan smiled and said "thanks."

'Shen Zhi has issues with his personality—he's quite cold and closed off. His family discipline was very strict. When he was in middle school, even his phone was managed by Bao Mu. Who he added, what messages he received—none of it was private. His comings and goings were controlled, who he made friends with was controlled, what books he read and what he ate were all controlled. It was too suffocating. It only got a bit better in high school. Back then we even said it was a miracle Shen Zhi hadn't become depressed in that kind of family.'

"So later when I heard Shen Zhi was with you, and living together, I was especially surprised. But thinking about it, it should have been the most rebellious, most incredible, but also happiest thing for him. Like seeing him finally find a lock and escape—though a bit worrying, you couldn't help but feel relieved for him."

The water in the cup had gone cold. Xu Yan finally spoke: "I don't feel like I've ever made him happy. He has personality flaws, but I can't keep paying for his flaws forever."

"What if he's willing to change for you?" Tang Yunyan asked.

"I can't afford that honor." Xu Yan answered. He drank the cold water in one gulp, smiled, and said, "Chloe, we should get back to work."

After work, the company year-end dinner. Tang Yunyan didn't attend—she'd taken a flight out. Her family was all abroad, so she didn't stay in the country for New Year. The weather was cold, many people were rushing home, nobody drank. The dinner wrapped up easily and dispersed. On the way to pick up the cars together, Xu Yan asked Lu Sen: "Are you going back to France?"

"Not going back. Staying here. Going to Hokkaido in a few days—flying back and forth is pointless." Lu Sen said.

Xu Yan nodded. Lu Sen looked up at the sky and suddenly said: "I heard it'll snow this New Year."

"Seems like it." Xu Yan also looked up. "No wonder it's so cold."

After getting home, Xu Yan tidied up the living room. Yesterday's cup-smashing had left fragments all over the floor; he'd been in a rush to work this morning and hadn't had time to sweep. He took the garbage bag downstairs. Just out of the elevator, he saw a car parked downstairs. Seeing him come out, the driver opened the door. Meng Yuwan sat in the back seat, her gaze still carrying that condescending contempt as she looked over.

Xu Yan felt these past few days had been lively—Shen Zhi looking for him, Lin Mian looking for him, Tang Yunyan looking for him, now even Meng Yuwan was looking for him. Anyone who didn't know would really think he'd gotten tangled up with loan sharks.

He glanced at Meng Yuwan, showed nothing, walked past the car, first went across the street to throw out the garbage. When he came back, he found Meng Yuwan's expression had indeed worsened. Xu Yan put his hands in his pockets and said: "Hello, Auntie."

Meng Yuwan got out of the car, stood in front of Xu Yan, paused before speaking: "Shen Zhi is hospitalized."

Xu Yan's fingers in his pockets unconsciously curled for a moment, but his expression remained calm: "Oh, is that so."

"Hasn't slept for days—low blood sugar and stomach pain—and still ran to the Lin family to call off the engagement. Collapsed not long after getting back to the company. Xu Yan, I may have underestimated you before."

"I'm not—I've also underestimated you." Xu Yan said with a faint smile. "Your own son is hospitalized, and you still come all this way to chat with someone as insignificant as me."

Meng Yuwan heard this but didn't get angry. Instead she softened her tone and said: "Shen Zhi is already like this. Why don't you go see him? Whatever needs to be said, better to say it face to face."

"I made myself clear long ago. Whatever illness he has is his own doing—nothing to do with me." Xu Yan said. "We can't still be broken up and have me continue being his nanny. There's no such good deal—it's really annoying."

Meng Yuwan smiled, extended her hand toward the driver. The driver handed over a phone, the call screen lit up, the two characters 'Shen Zhi' clearly visible on the display.

"Did you hear that?" Meng Yuwan asked into the phone.

After a long while, Shen Zhi's hoarse voice came from the other end: "Heard it."

Xu Yan looked at her with an indifferent expression, as if he'd expected it. He waited for Meng Yuwan to hang up, then said: "Auntie's intentions are well-meant."

"Shen Zhi isn't used to it yet—it's understandable if he hasn't figured it out. Once things are said, it'll be fine." Meng Yuwan smiled, then as if casually, asked: "I heard your family's company is now all in your younger brother's hands?"

Xu Yan's heart tightened, his expression cooled. He'd already made his position absolutely clear, yet Meng Yuwan still guarded against him like a thief, warning and threatening him like this. He said: "Yes."

Meng Yuwan nodded: "Mm. Young people, be careful in everything you do. Don't make any mistakes—the cost is always significant."

"The same words to Shen Zhi." Xu Yan said. "What if I suddenly change my mind? While Shen Zhi isn't used to being without me, I go back to him. Shen Zhi might get hot-headed and live with me again—that's hard to say. Look at him coming to find me again and again—maybe he really has fallen for me. What do you think? He's your son, you should know him at least somewhat."

Xu Yan had nothing else to spare, but plenty of thick skin—unrivaled at getting under people's skin. A skill honed thanks to Shen Zhi. He knew Shen Zhi might not be Meng Yuwan's weak spot, but Meng Yuwan would absolutely not allow Shen Zhi to make the same mistake twice on the same matter.

Sure enough, Meng Yuwan didn't speak. She stared at Xu Yan for a while, finally smiled, and said: "I know him. Shen Zhi wouldn't keep being foolish."

Xu Yan nodded, stepped back, and looked down at her: "Then goodbye, Auntie. No need to see you off."