Chapter 5

"You're up?" Xu Yan set breakfast on the table, looked up at Shen Zhi coming down the stairs, and said, "Just in time, breakfast is ready."

"Why so early." Shen Zhi adjusted his shirt sleeves, not looking up.

"Did you forget? I went to bed early yesterday." Xu Yan smiled.

Shen Zhi finally glanced at him—still that same thick-skinned, carefree grin, as if nothing weighed on him at all.

Xu Yan didn't like talking while eating either. The two of them finished breakfast in silence; the driver arrived outside. Xu Yan put down his chopsticks: "I'll go up and get your coat, eat a bit more." He said that and went upstairs. In a moment he came back down with the coat and tie. Shen Zhi pulled a tissue, wiped the corner of his mouth, and stood. Xu Yan helped him on with the tie, carefully straightening it. Shen Zhi looked down at him, then raised his hand to check his watch.

"Are you coming home for dinner tonight?" Xu Yan handed the coat to Shen Zhi and asked.

Shen Zhi put on the coat and said, "I'll come home for dinner." After a pause, he added, "There's an eyelash on your nose bridge."

"Oh." Xu Yan touched his nose bridge, then looked at his fingertip—seemed like it didn't come off. He smiled and tilted his head up slightly, saying, "I can't see it, help me get it."

Shen Zhi frowned. He had already put on his coat and was about to head out. Xu Yan assumed he'd be too lazy to bother—but this time he was wrong. Shen Zhi turned around, raised his hand, and brushed his nose bridge. For a moment the two of them stood very close. Shen Zhi's gaze was serious. Xu Yan looked at him, looked at that face—the face that had stolen his heart and cost him his share of pain when he was eighteen. Several years had passed in the blink of an eye, and looking now, he was still very handsome—brows, nose bridge, lips, jaw, a beauty shot through with coldness and refinement. Young still, without the overripe marks that years leave behind, but already possessed of a composure beyond his age.

The moment passed just as quickly. Shen Zhi lowered his hand and turned to leave at the same time. The door opened, then closed. Xu Yan turned back to clear the table.

The next day was Xu Yan's last at his post. His colleagues, knowing he was leaving, had put together a gathering to send him off. Xu Yan smiled and said no need for a farewell—just consider it a celebration of his temporary farewell to corporate-slave life.

In the evening, Xu Yan packed up his things, punched out for the last time, and left the Company with his colleagues. A few hours earlier he had sent Shen Zhi a WeChat message telling him he was having dinner with colleagues today and wouldn't be back to cook. Shen Zhi had replied, 'Got it.'

As expected, Xu Yan got plied with drinks at the gathering. He didn't refuse—after all, they probably wouldn't see each other again, and for one last meal, it was fine to let loose. When it was over, his colleagues offered to drive him home. Xu Yan waved them off: "You all have work tomorrow, go back and rest early. I'll just grab a cab."

"Is your partner home? Call her to come pick you up." A colleague said.

"Partner?" Xu Yan was a bit dizzy, thought blankly for a moment, then smiled and said, "He's not home recently. I'll go back on my own."

Actually, he too... really wanted Shen Zhi to come pick him up just once. But unfortunately, such a common thing between couples—he had never experienced it in four whole years. He was afraid of being a bother to Shen Zhi, so he never said anything. But thinking about it now, if Shen Zhi had shown him even half a shred of affection, he wouldn't be afraid to ask for something so small.

In the end a colleague called him a cab. After Xu Yan gave the address, he heard someone gasp—that residential area wasn't something ordinary people could afford.

"Manager Xu, you're hiding your cards well!"

Xu Yan leaned back in the back seat and smiled lazily: "No, the house is my partner's. I'm just a kept man."

The others all expressed disbelief. After a round of jokes and goodbyes, the car door closed and the world went quiet. Xu Yan kept his eyes shut; the flickering light outside the window streaked across his face.

A song was playing in the car. Xu Yan's Adam's apple moved and he started singing along, but he was tone-deaf, off-key beyond listening. In the end his voice trembled and went hoarse. The driver glanced at him in the rearview mirror and asked, "Do you need a tissue?"

"No need." Xu Yan opened his eyes—he wasn't crying. He said, "Just sleepy. How much longer?"

"Five minutes." The driver glanced at him again and answered.

"Thanks, driver." Xu Yan smiled.

After getting home, Xu Yan stood outside the door trying to sober up for a few minutes, but it didn't help—his head was still spinning. He rubbed his face, opened the door, went inside, went upstairs. Shen Zhi wasn't asleep yet, was in the study. Xu Yan knocked and said, "I had a bit to drink, but I'm alright. Do you want a late-night snack? I'll make it for you."

"No need." Through the door, Shen Zhi answered him, "I'll sleep in the guest room tonight."

"Okay." Xu Yan pressed his forehead against the door and smiled, "Right, I reek of alcohol, if I get drunk and crazy I'll disturb your sleep... then I'll head back to sleep first." As if talking to himself, he spoke out the seemingly reasonable reasons on Shen Zhi's behalf.

No response. Xu Yan swayed upright and went back to the room. After a groggy wash, he collapsed onto the bed, his whole face sinking into the pillow—it was Shen Zhi's pillow. Xu Yan took a breath, closed his eyes in the dark, and fell asleep.

The next morning, Shen Zhi came back to the master bedroom to wash up and change. Xu Yan slowly woke, glanced at his phone—still early. He climbed out of bed, rubbed his eyes, and went downstairs. His head ached a little. Xu Yan warmed some milk, toasted bread, and brought it to the table. When Shen Zhi came downstairs, his tie was already on and his coat already worn—Xu Yan looked up at him once and confirmed the other hadn't given him a chance to help with his outfit.

"Off to the Company this early today?" Xu Yan was about to bite into the bread, then remembered he hadn't washed his face or brushed his teeth, so he slumped over the table and made small talk.

"Something to take care of." Shen Zhi said.

"Oh..." Xu Yan sat up and stretched, saying, "Then you eat first, I'll go upstairs and wash up—I totally forgot just now." Shen Zhi kept his head down eating breakfast, too busy to answer him.

By the time he finished washing up, Shen Zhi had already left. Xu Yan flopped back onto the bed to catch up on sleep. The hangover felt awful, but at least he didn't have to work. He closed his eyes and slept comfortably.

He slept until noon and finally felt a bit clearer. Xu Yan slowly climbed out of bed, shuffled in his slippers to the walk-in closet, pulled out a duffel bag, stuffed in his laptop, charger, and wallet, then casually threw on a jacket. He grabbed the duffel and the Camera bag, went downstairs, and took out the living room trash on the way.

The weather was lovely—bright sunshine, wind rustling through the leaves in a golden shimmer. A mild, perfectly ordinary winter afternoon. Xu Yan closed the front door, pulled his jacket hood up over his head, stepped down the stairs, and walked away without looking back.