Chapter 51

After returning from the Island, Xu Yan flew abroad for an event. As soon as it ended, he came right back to the country, slept less than five hours, got up, and went to shoot Yu Xue's cover.

When he arrived at the Island, the villa's front door was open. Xu Yan went upstairs — the makeup artist was applying makeup to Yu Xue, who was holding a script and reading intently. She had taken time off from the Production Team on short notice. Although Yu Xue usually seemed unreliable, when it came to acting she was genuinely serious, surprisingly dedicated to her actual job. Xu Yan guessed this was why audiences were so tolerant of her — her acting and attitude really left nothing to criticize.

"It's been a while." Xu Yan walked closer with his Camera, shooting as he went — just as behind-the-scenes footage.

Yu Xue looked up, her gaze drifting, as if she hadn't broken character. After a long moment she asked, "You're back?"

She was already someone who loved to say useless things, but this one was truly the most useless of all.

'Mm, arrived in the middle of the night.' Xu Yan focused the lens on Yu Xue's small white flower earrings. 'Have you been to the Sunlight Room to look? The Lilac Flower is blooming beautifully.'

Yu Xue slowly looked toward the lens and gave a faint smile. "I did. They're really blooming beautifully."

"Then I'll go take a look first. Once your hair and makeup are done, we'll start."

"Mm."

Twenty minutes later, Yu Xue came to the Sunlight Room. The weather was good today. Xu Yan had scouted the location the week before and was familiar with the space, so the shoot went smoothly — but… looking at Yu Xue through his black-and-white viewfinder, he couldn't shake the feeling that she was different from usual.

Yu Xue's makeup and styling this time were very simple, like a student just out of her teens. Her gaze was neither coy nor showy — when she looked over, it was clean and clear, as if through the lens she was looking at something else, something far away, yet not empty, carrying an inexplicable sadness. During the shoot, Xu Yan was pulled into her mood several times; the wind and the sound of waves faded from his ears, and he caught something that resembled longing.

When he set down the Camera, Xu Yan thought to himself that an actor's eyes really could speak — could become another person entirely.

After wrapping, the others were packing up. Yu Xue sat in a chair, a few Lilac Flowers having fallen onto the table, and she stared at them absently. Xu Yan walked over, sat beside her, and opened a bottle of water for her. "Tired?"

"Not really. Just thinking about something."

"Mm." Xu Yan responded.

Yu Xue looked up at the tree full of Lilac Flowers. "My first set of Photography used Lilac Flowers as the backdrop."

"That photographer definitely never imagined that the girl he shot would become a big star," Xu Yan said.

"Right, he never could have imagined." Yu Xue leaned forward onto the table, propping her chin on one hand. "During my second year of college, he took my Photography right under the Lilac tree. The flowers were in full bloom then. He said he liked Lilacs. I thought at the time that this photographer looked aloof, but his taste was actually quite fresh and delicate."

"Later I found out he wasn't a photographer — he was at the Police Academy, but he really loved taking pictures. He was a year younger than me. It was clearly him who was interested in me first; he was the one who asked to take my photos. But somehow it turned into me chasing him. He was proud and awkward, and my personality wasn't great either, so after we got together we were always arguing."

"Around graduation I shot a few web dramas. Because I had no fame, I got a lot of cold looks, and was even sexually harassed. Once I couldn't take it anymore and flipped a table, then ran outside — only to find him waiting at the door. I said I didn't want to act anymore. He said it was fine, he'd support me, let's go home, it's cold outside."

"Later on, he became a police officer, very busy. I couldn't find my direction either back then, and the psychological pressure was heavy. Every time we met, we'd end on a bad note — we were both exhausted. Once during dinner we argued again over something very small, and he said maybe we should cool off for a while."

"I said okay. The next day I went back to my hometown to clear my head, didn't contact him for a week. Then the day before I was supposed to return, he sent me a WeChat message saying being together was too tiring, he didn't want to continue either, let's break up, don't see each other anymore. I can't even remember how I got through that stretch. I stayed in my hometown for another two months, in a fog."

Yu Xue stopped there. Xu Yan was silent for a long time, then said, "If you're not right for each other, breaking up is a good thing."

"If only the story had ended there." Yu Xue looked up, gazing at the sky through the roof. "Later I went back, still missing him. Once I got drunk and called him — his mother answered. I asked her where he was, could she let him take the call. She said she couldn't, and then she started crying."

"That was when I learned that on the day I'd gone back to my hometown, he'd been on a mission and was deliberately hit by a suspect's car. He spent a week in the Hospital's emergency care, lost a leg and a hand. The first thing he did when he woke up was break up with me."

"For some reasons, that case was suppressed. He couldn't accept becoming disabled. Not long after, alone in his wheelchair, in the middle of the night, he went to the river and jumped." Yu Xue said softly, "The day he committed Suicide was the same day, three years earlier, that we'd officially gotten together."

Xu Yan looked at her, stunned, unable to speak.

"I went to his home and asked his mother to take me to the cemetery. She told me that in his suicide note he'd arranged for the gifts and love letters I'd given him before, along with a bouquet of Lilac Flowers, to be placed beneath his headstone — he'd already organized everything. She also gave me a Photography album — all the photos he'd ever taken of me, printed and compiled together. I saw that he'd written a line inside it."

"'Lilac Flowers are beautiful, but only beside you are they beautiful. You're the most beautiful.'"

Xu Yan wanted to hand Yu Xue a tissue, but Yu Xue wasn't crying.

"Strange — even after learning he'd died, I didn't cry. I just drank myself into a stupor every day, slept it off when drunk. A long time later, one day I went out, passed a Park, and saw the Lilac Flowers in bloom, covering the whole tree. Suddenly my legs went weak. People were passing by, and I crouched on the road, crying so hard I couldn't stand up."

She held her composure very steady, as if she didn't need Xu Yan's comfort — her eyes had merely reddened.

The window was open; the wind blew through, and a few more Lilac Flowers rustled down from the tree. Yu Xue suddenly laughed, turned her head to look at Xu Yan. "I'll tell you a secret."

"What secret?"

"I'll tell you — when Lin Yan first walked into my flower shop, I thought I was seeing him." Yu Xue raised her index finger to her lips, shushed, her eyes red, her expression mysterious. "Only you know. You can't tell anyone else."

"Okay." Xu Yan said with a smile.

On the way back to the Production Team, Yu Xue sat in the car resting with her eyes closed. Her phone rang; she picked up. "Hello?"

"Done shooting?" Lin Yan asked her. "How are the Lilacs you planted doing? I haven't been to the Island at all this year. You go over to look whenever you have time, but you don't even take any photos for me."

"They're blooming beautifully, but only beside me are they beautiful. Once Xu Yan sends me the photos, I'll show you."

"Of course." Lin Yan laughed softly. "You're the most beautiful."

After returning from the Island to the Corporation, Xu Yan had been a bit distracted, thinking about Yu Xue's story. In the evening he went to his parents' house for dinner. Seeing his low spirits, Fang Hui asked if he was too tired and should rest a bit. Xu Yan nodded. "I am a bit tired. I'll take a couple of days off in a while."

They'd only chatted a few sentences when Xu Shen stood at the staircase with a teacup and said to Xu Yan, "Come to the study."

Xu Yan looked blank, not knowing what his father wanted to say. Once inside the study, the room was filled with the scent of ink. Xu Yan admired Xu Shen's painting and said, "Dad, you paint so well — you could hold an exhibition."

"I'll ask you." Xu Shen sat in his chair, unmoved. "That Shen Zhi — does he come find you often?"

The hand holding the painting paused. Xu Yan looked up, somewhat caught off guard. "Huh?"

"Don't play dumb."

Xu Yan smiled slightly. "Don't worry, Dad. I know how to handle things."

"You'd better know." Xu Shen frowned. "If you really can't change it, if you truly like men, we won't stop you — but he won't do. Don't forget what you've been through before. You're an adult now; think about your own reputation."

He actually didn't want to say these things — he couldn't bear to hurt his own son — but he was truly afraid Xu Yan would repeat the same mistakes, so he could only steel himself and say harsh words.

Xu Yan froze for a few seconds, pressed his lips together and smiled somewhat reluctantly. "Definitely. Don't worry, Dad."

He went downstairs and said goodbye to Fang Hui. Fang Hui probably guessed what Xu Shen had said, but she only advised Xu Yan to rest well and come home for meals more often.

Xu Yan went out, got in the car, and had just fastened his seatbelt when his phone rang — it was Shen Zhi. It was the first time Shen Zhi had called him since Xu Yan had returned from the Island last time. He asked if Xu Yan felt unwell, if he had caught a cold. Xu Yan said no. They were silent for a while. Xu Yan said he was going to sleep, and Shen Zhi said good night.

At this moment, Xu Yan stared at his phone, motionless, until the call ended automatically because no one answered.

Early the next morning, Xu Yan opened his eyes and checked his phone. He saw a message from a colleague — a Weibo link. When he clicked in, it was actually news about Yu Xue and Lin Yan — someone had photographed Lin Yan visiting the Production Team, then getting on Yu Xue's RV.

Xu Yan wasn't panicked. This kind of situation wasn't enough to confirm a relationship — at most it was a rumor. He checked Weibo and saw that Yu Xue's company had already issued a clarification statement, and afterward people from the Production Team also came forward to testify that Yu Xue's assistant and makeup artist had both been in the RV at the time.

What a small thing. Xu Yan turned off his phone, got up, and washed up.

For him it wasn't a big deal, but in Shen Zhi's eyes it was different.

He read through all the related news very carefully. The clarifications were very persuasive, but Shen Zhi still couldn't help clinging to a dark, hidden hope that it was true — if it were true, then Xu Yan and Yu Xue… But after thinking it over, he hoped it was all just groundless rumor; he didn't want Xu Yan to be hurt by it.

Shen Zhi found Lin Mian and sent her the Weibo link — after all, Lin Yan was her biological brother. Lin Mian quickly replied: Since when does Lawyer Shen care about this kind of thing?

Shen Zhi really never paid attention to gossip, but since learning that Xu Yan and Yu Xue were dating, he had been intentionally or unintentionally looking at news related to Yu Xue — this was the first time in his memory that Yu Xue and Lin Yan's names had appeared in the news together.

He replied: Just taking a look. Seems like it's already been clarified.

Lin Mian: Right, it's been clarified. So why are you sending it to me?

Shen Zhi couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, and also relieved for Xu Yan. But his chest felt hollow because of it — he truly didn't know, couldn't imagine, when there would ever be a chance to openly pursue Xu Yan.

He was about to turn off his phone when Lin Mian replied again: Forget it. For the sake of being acquaintances, I'll tell you a secret, even though you might not be interested.

Shen Zhi felt his heartbeat slowly quickening, not knowing what he was hoping for, no time to think it through.

Lin Mian: Yu Xue has been with my brother for quite a while now. Exclusive intel, do not leak!

Five seconds later, she recalled the message.

Shen Zhi took a full two minutes before typing again: You're not lying to me

Lin Mian: Even though I recalled it, what I said is true.

Shen Zhi felt his wrists trembling. He replied with an "okay." His heartbeat was too fast; a long-absent excitement and agitation surged up. Standing in front of the garage, he was even a little impatient — the automatic door was rising too slowly, not fast enough… why couldn't people teleport?

Over an hour later, Shen Zhi arrived at the entrance of Xu Yan's Corporation, only to suddenly realize he hadn't checked in advance whether Xu Yan was working today, whether he was out on location, whether he was at the Corporation.

He sent Tang Yunyan a message, asking if she knew where Xu Yan was.

Tang Yunyan: Lawyer Shen, you came at just the right time. Xu Yan is in my office.

She added another sentence: He's helping me try on a qipao.