Chapter 58

Dinner was made by Shen Zhi, a few very simple basic home-cooked dishes. While he was in the kitchen, Xu Yan received a call from Lu Sen, asking if he could help out tonight.

'I'm in another studio, something came up that delayed me, so the times clashed. We negotiated, and they only accept you as my replacement to shoot.' Lu Sen said, 'Just getting back from a business trip and already asking you to come help, I feel really bad about it...'

'Please stop this insincere politeness.' Xu Yan said with a smile, 'I'll come over after dinner, within two hours.'

'OK, thanks to Big Photographer Xu for the rescue.'

Just as he hung up, Xu Nian called again, asking where Xu Yan was, if he'd come back, if he wanted to go to their parents' for dinner.

'I'm back, let's do dinner next time.' Xu Yan said.

'What's wrong?' Xu Nian, like a police dog, immediately sniffed out something off. 'Where are you, ge? Just got back and already busy with work?'

Shen Zhi was just returning to the kitchen to carry the last dish. Xu Yan said quietly, 'No, I'm having dinner with your delicate-flower-like sister-in-law, don't bother me.'

After saying that, he decisively hung up, cutting off Xu Nian's howling.

And that delicate-flower-like sister-in-law of Xu Nian's had already served the rice, standing by the table looking at Xu Yan, asking him: 'Is something going on?'

'There's a last-minute shoot, I have to go back after dinner.' Xu Yan walked over and sat down, 'I won't be staying over tonight.'

Shen Zhi froze there, momentarily unable to collect himself. The feeling was like a child who finally got a beloved candy, holding it in their hand before it had even warmed up, only to have it snatched away again, told they couldn't unwrap it now, they'd have to wait a bit longer.

'What's wrong?' Seeing him still standing, Xu Yan looked up and asked.

'Nothing.' Shen Zhi sat down, 'How late will you be busy? You just got back.'

'I don't know, probably early morning.' Xu Yan answered.

Shen Zhi was quiet for a moment, then asked: 'Can I drive you back, and then wait at your place after?'

'Don't you have work tomorrow?'

'When I'm not on a business trip or in meetings, I can work from anywhere.' Shen Zhi didn't mention that he'd taken a month off. The duration was too long, he was afraid Xu Yan would ask why he needed to rest so long.

Xu Yan thought for a moment: 'Forget it.' He lowered his head to eat, 'I'll take the high-speed train back later, it's faster. Today I'll definitely finish very late, there's no point making you wait, and it'll affect your rest. I have work the next couple of days too, once those are done, I'll take some time off too.'

He could already foresee the state of things going forward — both of them would be busy flying around on business trips everywhere, and on top of that they didn't live in the same city, so the time they spent together probably wouldn't be much.

But for them, it might not necessarily be a bad thing.

'Okay.' Shen Zhi said with downcast eyes.

After eating, he threw the dishes in the dishwasher. Shen Zhi took a few oranges from the fridge and juiced them. Xu Yan stood beside him and asked: 'Why aren't you asking me if your cooking is good?'

Shen Zhi smiled faintly: 'Definitely not as good as yours.' He handed the orange juice to Xu Yan, 'Try it and see if it's sweet.'

Xu Yan used to love fresh-squeezed orange juice, especially in summer. The fridge would always have a few oranges in it — seven was just right for two glasses, and Shen Zhi's glass had no ice cubes, his stomach wasn't good.

'Sweet.' Xu Yan took another sip, and when he looked up he just happened to meet Shen Zhi's gaze. Xu Yan quickly looked away, turned around, and — as if that would convince anyone — opened the fridge door to peer inside.

Shen Zhi reached for the cup and took a sip — it was sweet. He'd made fresh orange juice himself many times over the past few years, but this time was the sweetest.

It had nothing to do with the oranges, and everything to do with the person drinking orange juice with him.

After finishing the orange juice, they went upstairs. Xu Yan took out the clothes he'd changed out of after showering from the washing machine and went to hang them on the terrace.

'Remember to help me bring them in tomorrow.' Xu Yan said.

'Okay.' Shen Zhi stood by the balcony door and answered.

Xu Yan casually gathered up a few of Shen Zhi's dry clothes, very naturally, like before — took them back to the room, tossed them on the bed, folded them one by one, and carried them to the walk-in closet.

There was no chattering conversation — for the two of them that wasn't very realistic either. Shen Zhi quietly followed beside Xu Yan, watching him pull open a drawer and put the underwear in, pull open another drawer and put the socks in, pull open the wardrobe and hang up the shirts and pants.

The moment Xu Yan closed the wardrobe door, Shen Zhi wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. Every muscle in Xu Yan's body tensed up, his heartbeat suddenly became acutely clear, a muffled thump-thump that Xu Yan could hear. He hadn't done any strenuous exercise, just hung up a few pieces of clothing, so the only reason his heart was beating so fast could be nervousness — and Shen Zhi had merely hugged him.

Waves of warmth came from the skin where shoulder met neck — it was Shen Zhi's breath. Xu Yan felt his neck tingle, unconsciously tilted his head, and just happened to lightly bump against Shen Zhi's head resting on his shoulder.

Their bodies pressed together too closely, Shen Zhi's heartbeat landing against Xu Yan's back, beat after beat. Since returning to the country, Xu Yan had in many moments felt like Shen Zhi was going to die — there was a real panic, a fear that he might collapse the next second. Especially after hearing Tang Yunyan say that Shen Zhi was ill, Xu Yan had many guesses, his heart always hanging in suspense. Only now, feeling Shen Zhi's heartbeat, did Xu Yan have a sense that 'this person is still alive.'

Xu Yan pried Shen Zhi's hands apart, turned around in his embrace, and faced him — he only looked once, and a wave of heat immediately rushed up from his neck. Xu Yan felt his face burning. Shen Zhi's gaze was focused and restrained, but that restraint was like thin ice, barely holding back, and the dark undercurrent surging beneath the ice Xu Yan could still see clearly, and was hard to withstand.

Under these circumstances, Xu Yan simply couldn't bring himself to ask: 'Excuse me, is your body okay, what illness do you have?'

But what needed to be asked still had to be asked. Xu Yan raised his hands to cup Shen Zhi's face, just about to speak, when his vision suddenly went dark — Shen Zhi lowered his head and bit his lower lip.

The suitcase that had been brought upstairs less than two hours ago was taken down again. Shen Zhi drove Xu Yan to the high-speed rail station.

'Are you sick with something?' In the quiet car, Xu Yan finally asked.

Shen Zhi's hand on the steering wheel tightened slightly, and he answered without changing expression: 'Low blood sugar, stomach isn't great.'

'What about your hands?'

'Not great either.'

'Anything else that's not great?'

'Nothing else.'

Shen Zhi kept his eyes on the road ahead, not meeting Xu Yan's gaze, to make sure he could answer smoothly.

'Do you have lab reports or test results from the Hospital, let me see them.'

'Yes.' Shen Zhi answered, 'I'll send them to you when I get back.'

Xu Yan had the right to know, and one day this would have to be told to him. Shen Zhi thought, but not now — they had only just started over.

Arriving at the high-speed rail station, Xu Yan put on his mask and unbuckled his seatbelt: 'Don't get out, if you park in the temporary drop-off area past the time limit you'll get points deducted and fined.'

He reached to open the car door, but Shen Zhi grabbed his arm, hooked the mask down to his chin, and leaned over to kiss him. Xu Yan obediently opened his mouth to kiss back, while counting down in his mind: '5, 4, 3, 2, 1...'

When the time was up, he pressed Shen Zhi's shoulders to separate them. Shen Zhi chased after him and lightly pecked at the corner of his mouth a few times before saying: 'Be careful on the road.'

'Ouch...' Xu Yan licked his lips. He'd already been bitten painfully hard in the walk-in closet, and after this kiss it hurt even more. He said as he got out of the car, 'It hurts, be gentler next time.'

The back of his neck was also still aching dully from being gripped — Shen Zhi really hadn't changed at all in this respect.

Xu Yan took his luggage from the trunk and went into the station. Shen Zhi started the car, but his gaze lingered on Xu Yan's retreating back. He saw Xu Yan suddenly stop in the crowd, turn around, find his car in the traffic, and then raise his hand to wave.

He was saying goodbye, but Shen Zhi abruptly turned his head back and stopped looking at him.

Xu Yan probably would never know how unbearable this scene was for Shen Zhi. It always made him think of that glance at the Airport three years ago, and the countless silent goodbyes in countless dreams afterward — that despair of about to lose someone for a long time.

A few minutes after entering the station, Xu Yan boarded the high-speed train, put his suitcase away, and sat down. Less than a minute later, he received a call from Shen Zhi.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing.' Compared to the noise in the train car, Shen Zhi's side was unusually quiet. He said, 'Just wanted to make sure.'

Make sure that this was only a brief separation, and they would see each other again soon.

'Mm, I just got on.' Xu Yan said, 'You're driving and making a call?'

'Pulled over on the side.' Shen Zhi sighed very softly, 'I don't want to...'

The passenger in the next seat was standing in the aisle. Xu Yan stood up to let them pass, and asked: 'What?'

'Nothing, hang up first. After you finish work today, get a good sleep.'

'Okay, drive carefully.' After hanging up, Xu Yan inexplicably sensed something was off, but had no clue what it was, so he couldn't keep thinking about it.

Shen Zhi sat in the car, watching the screen go dark. So having wasn't a perfect thing either. For him, having meant he would want to get more sense of security from Xu Yan — maybe the symptoms acting up, in any case he could never fully settle down — he still needed time.

He slumped over the steering wheel, muttering very quietly to himself: 'I don't want to wake up.'