59

After Xu Yan returned, he was busy until his eyes went dark, not getting home before dawn even once, and even went to Hangzhou for two days on a business trip. Shen Zhi wasn't idle either—leave or no leave, the project was still moving, just that compared to normal work his schedule was much more regular.

The day before going to Hangzhou, Xu Yan drove to scout outdoor locations, setting out alone ahead of time. The suburbs were under road construction, one lane was closed, and traffic had to share the other. Xu Yan drove carefully, but the Audi coming toward him suddenly swerved straight at his front. Xu Yan slammed the brakes hard, and both he and the car were jolted violently by the impact.

The way it looked, either a hit-and-run or a staged accident. Xu Yan got out, used his phone to photograph the scene and the other car's license plate, called the traffic police, then called the insurance company. The driver never showed his face. Xu Yan went over and knocked on his window. After a lot of effort the door opened, and Xu Yan stepped back several paces covering his nose—the man had thrown up in the car.

Drunk driving. Drunk driving in broad daylight. Practically unbelievable.

But this kind of single-party accident was actually simpler to handle. Xu Yan spent about an hour at the traffic police station. Wang Wen'an called to say the Photography Team and the artist's team had already arrived at the location. Xu Yan finished his statement and signed it, contacted his own driver, and hurried to the set.

On the road, Xu Yan sent a WeChat to Xu Nian briefly explaining. Xu Nian immediately called back, asking if he was hurt.

'Not physically, but psychologically.' Xu Yan said.

Xu Nian started singing the Ultraman Tiga Theme Song over the phone.

This idiot actually had a way about him—Xu Yan felt much better.

After hanging up, Xu Yan opened Shen Zhi's WeChat, wanting to tell him about it, but after a moment exited the chat window.

It was just a small thing, no one was hurt, nothing worth mentioning.

He didn't really want to admit it, but he still had aftereffects, his sense of security wasn't enough—afraid of getting no response, afraid of disturbing the other person, afraid of being ignored. He knew deeply that Shen Zhi had changed, but to prevent tasting any disappointment, these trivial things... better not say them.

After shooting wrapped, Xu Nian came to pick him up, and they went to the traffic police station together. Xu Yan was exhausted, and he had to go to Hangzhou the next morning. He'd originally planned to go to their parents' house for dinner with Xu Nian, but in the end gave up on that, went home, showered, and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The day before returning from Hangzhou, Xu Yan sat listlessly on the hotel bed, flipped through the itinerary Wang Wen'an had given him, confirmed he was about to return to a relatively normal work schedule, no more all-nighters in a row.

He collapsed onto the bed, realized he hadn't had a proper conversation with Shen Zhi in a while, and was just about to call him when Shen Zhi sent a WeChat: Still busy?

Xu Yan smiled at the screen and replied: Finished, just got back to the hotel

Shen Zhi then called, and after they connected the two were quiet for a few seconds before Shen Zhi spoke: 'What time tomorrow are you back?'

'Afternoon, but there's a reception in the evening I have to attend.' Xu Yan said, 'Are you busy?'

'Not really.' Shen Zhi paused, still a bit awkward—about exchanging daily small talk. He said, 'I'm going to Beijing the day after tomorrow, there's an issue with a case from before.'

'Troublesome? How many days?'

'Not troublesome, back in a day or two.' Shen Zhi said, 'I'll go through your Airport.'

'Why?' Xu Yan had already vaguely guessed after asking.

'Before getting on the plane, I'll stop by your place.' Shen Zhi said slowly, 'See you.'

The voice came through very clearly. Xu Yan felt his right ear and neck go numb. He squinted sleepily, laughed and said: 'Okay.' Too tired, his IQ offline, he casually continued, 'In another couple of days my car should be fixed too.'

He only realized after saying it, but Shen Zhi was already asking: 'What happened to the car?'

'It's just...' Xu Yan pursed his lips, said, 'My car got hit a couple days ago.'

Shen Zhi didn't speak.

For some reason, Xu Yan felt a little guilty, and honestly reported the situation: 'The other party was drunk driving, hit my front end, one headlight shattered, otherwise fine, I'm not hurt, not lying to you.'

After a long while, Shen Zhi asked: 'Why didn't you tell me.'

The tone wasn't blame or displeasure, but rather carried a sense of being hurt and low. Xu Yan hesitated for a moment, said: 'Still afraid, I guess. Afraid like before—after telling you, you'd have no reaction, or find it annoying.' After saying it, he felt a bit sour. So he still hadn't completely crossed the shadow, still imagined, still compared, still had this or that worry.

The faint sound of fabric rustling came through the phone. Shen Zhi seemed to have stood up. Xu Yan heard him take a soft breath.

'Xu Yan.' Shen Zhi's voice was low, 'You don't need to be afraid of these things now.'

'We have so little time to see each other. I want to know what happens to you.'

'From now on you have to tell me everything—happy things, or when there's danger, tell me, okay?' Shen Zhi said, 'If you say nothing at all, I'll be very worried.'

Xu Yan had already sat up from the bed, swaying, in a sudden realization—they were actually the same, both still in a state of insufficient security.

'Okay.' He answered.

The day Shen Zhi went to Beijing, when he came to knock on the door Xu Yan had just finished washing up, groggy all over. He'd gone to sleep after three, and it was just past eight now.

The door opened, and Xu Yan dropped his head onto Shen Zhi. Shen Zhi held him. Just a few days apart, but it felt like it had been ages.

'What time's the flight?' Xu Yan asked.

'Ten ten.' Shen Zhi said, 'I'll stay half an hour then go.'

Xu Yan nodded, went back to the room, and lay down on the bed again. After a while, Shen Zhi came in, closed the door, sat on the edge of the bed, and squeezed the back of his neck: 'I brought you breakfast, it's in the kitchen, remember to eat.'

'Okay.' Xu Yan struggled to get up, his hair a mess. He looked at Shen Zhi for a while, reached out and pulled up his tie. The curtains were drawn, and in the dim light Xu Yan studied the pattern on the tie and asked, 'Is this the one I gave you?'

Their first Valentine's Day together, Xu Yan had given the tie to Shen Zhi. That very night, Xu Yan himself had been tied up with it, and then... well, this and that.

'Yes.'

Xu Yan found it very hard to say: '...It's actually still usable.'

He hadn't expected Shen Zhi would clean the tie and wear it openly around his neck. He'd felt rather sorry for it at the time—the tie wasn't cheap, and it was a Valentine's gift with special meaning. How could it be ruined because of some bed business?

'Why couldn't it be used.' Shen Zhi countered.

Xu Yan was silent for two seconds: 'Pervert.'

'You don't say, I don't say, who would know it...'

'Okay, okay.' Xu Yan hurriedly covered his mouth, 'You don't need to say the rest.'

So they stopped talking, and the room suddenly became very quiet. Shen Zhi's ink-black eyes stared at Xu Yan. Xu Yan lowered his hand, looked away, but could still feel Shen Zhi's gaze resting on his face. He turned back, exchanged a look with Shen Zhi, looked down—Shen Zhi's lip shape was very beautiful, slightly pursed it looked very cold, with a silent kind of attraction.

Xu Yan leaned in and kissed him.

'I drove an hour to get here.' Shen Zhi suddenly said.

'What are you going to do?' Xu Yan asked with a faint smile.

Shen Zhi didn't speak, gripped Xu Yan's neck, and lowered his head to kiss him. Xu Yan was still worried about wrinkling Shen Zhi's shirt and trousers, didn't dare to hold him, could only touch the tie hanging down. Cool, sliding across his palm, a very comfortable texture.

They were so focused on kissing that when Xu Nian opened the door with his key and called out 'ge,' the two on the bed were pulled back to reality.

Xu Yan's eyes flew open, he stared blankly at the person on top of him. Shen Zhi looked up toward the door. Xu Nian's footsteps drew near. Xu Yan finally reacted, pushed Shen Zhi away, scrambled off the bed, and locked the door just as Xu Nian turned the handle.

Because he was too rushed, his ring finger hit the door, and the pain made Xu Yan hiss sharply.

Shen Zhi immediately got off the bed, grabbed his hand, looked at his finger. Xu Nian knocked twice outside: 'Ge, not awake yet?'

Xu Yan was gasping in pain, his other hand pushing Shen Zhi to go hide in the bathroom for a moment. After Shen Zhi went in, Xu Yan unlocked the door, and through the pain squeezed out a hazy, just-awakened smile: 'How come you're here?'

'Didn't I tell you yesterday? Mom made dumplings, you didn't have time to come home for dinner, so I brought some over.' Xu Nian suddenly got angry, 'What's with you, did you block me? Do you even read my messages or not?'

'Of course I read them.' Xu Yan brushed him off, 'But too busy, kept forgetting.' He put his arm around Xu Nian's shoulder, 'Show me Mom's dumplings.'

Xu Nian peered into the room: 'Why are you being so weird, hiding someone in there?'

'Who could I possibly hide.'

'You tell me!' Xu Nian shouted, 'Last time you said, a delicate-flower sister-in-law!'

Xu Yan's head started to hurt.

'You said before you might disappoint me—is that what you meant?' Xu Nian's mind wandered off on its own, 'What kind of disappointment is this? But does sister-in-law know you've been with a man before?'

'I'm someone who's been with a man, there's no way I'd turn around and ruin some girl. What do you take me for?' Xu Yan said.

'You found yourself a bottom?' Xu Nian whooped, 'Got photos? Quick, show me, show me the delicate flower.'

Xu Yan didn't dare tell him that the 180-something-cm delicate flower was currently standing in the bathroom—Xu Nian would probably have a heart attack if he saw. Today was absolutely not the right time to come clean—Shen Zhi had a flight to catch, Xu Yan had a shoot at nine-something, everything came down to work.

'I have to go to work, no time to chat with you.' Xu Yan pushed him out, 'You hurry to the Company, I'll send you photos later.'

'You said it, you said it, you have to send them to me.' Xu Nian got his assurance, very happy, very satisfied. When leaving, he caught sight of the men's leather shoes at the entryway and foolishly smiled, 'Berluti, ge, you're really extravagant. Before you cried poor to me saying you had no money after buying the house, and now you're wearing ten-thousand-plus shoes.'

Xu Yan lied with a straight face: 'Bought them before.'

After sending off the pest, the front door closed. Shen Zhi walked out of the room, looked at Xu Yan, and said: 'Delicate flower.'

Xu Yan rubbed his nose: 'I was just casually joking with him at the time.'

Shen Zhi said nothing else, came over, took Xu Yan's hand again to look at the ring finger that had been hit: 'Does it still hurt?'

'I'm fine, you go to the Airport. When you're back, I'll probably be free too.' Xu Yan said, 'I'll come to your place to hang out then.'

'Hang out doing what.' Shen Zhi looked up at him.

That was ambiguous. Xu Yan immediately changed the subject, walking toward the room as he said: 'Wait a moment, let me take a photo.'

'What for?'

Xu Yan turned back, smiling: 'To show Xu Nian the delicate flower.'

Evening wrap was fairly early. Xu Yan went home, showered, lay in bed, opened his phone, and saw Shen Zhi asking him: Does your hand still hurt?

Still thinking about the finger he bumped in the morning, Xu Yan suddenly wanted to joke with him, and replied: Broken

After sending, he got up to drink some water. Back in bed, he picked up his phone and saw Shen Zhi's reply: Okay

Finger broken, and he just said okay? Xu Yan clicked into the chat and realized what he'd actually sent wasn't 'broken' but 'she le'.

- Shen Zhi: Does your hand still hurt?

- Xu Yan: she le

- Shen Zhi: Okay

Xu Yan was so embarrassed he wanted to curl up into a ball, and immediately replied: I said broken! Sent the wrong thing!

Scalp tingling, unwilling to look again, Xu Yan exited. Just then Xu Nian's chat window popped up—the guy had already sent countless messages: Are you there? Show me the delicate flower

Hard to imagine how a man could be this gossipy. Xu Yan asked: Is there nothing else in your life worth caring about?

Xu Nian: Yes haha, in a couple days accompanying sister to her prenatal check hehe

Xu Yan: Congratulations!

Xu Nian: Mm mm, okay, show me the delicate flower

Without further hesitation, Xu Yan sent Shen Zhi's photo. He couldn't be bothered to be coy, didn't want to hide. Going forward, whoever asked about his love life, his answer would be Shen Zhi—except his parents, he had to seriously think about how to bring it up.

Xu Nian replied after a while: Haha, Lawyer Shen really is handsome

The photo background was Xu Yan's home—Xu Nian couldn't possibly not recognize it. His effort to prop himself up and dodge reality made Xu Yan's heart ache.

Xu Yan: This is your delicate flower

Xu Nian's side fell into a long silence. Xu Yan stared at the chat window. Five minutes passed, and he sent Xu Nian again: Xiao Nian, I said I'd disappoint you, and I absolutely will not disappoint you

Xu Yan: You're the first person to know about this

Xu Yan: Nian Nian, you know gege loves you very much, right?

Still no reply. He sent another message, and Xu Yan received a bright red exclamation mark—Xu Nian had deleted him.