Chapter 9

Xu Yan woke in the small hours, parched with thirst.

Xu Nian was a sly one. When the brothers went to the bar together, only Xu Yan got dead drunk. Xu Nian was breezy and carefree—after dropping his brother home, he went to his girlfriend's place to sleep, and reportedly got up every morning without fail to work out—a truly excellent new youth of time management.

Fumbling for the light, Xu Yan swayed upright and went to the kitchen for water. Xu Nian had been thoughtful—already poured him a glass and left it on the counter... But as Xu Yan drank, something felt off—water on the counter instead of by the bed, what kind of thoughtfulness was that?

He glanced at the night-vision clock on the wall—nearly three. Xu Yan rubbed his temples. Outside was too quiet, only the occasional distant sound of a car passing. This kind of moment was dangerous, apt to breed unnecessary emotions. After finishing the water, Xu Yan turned back toward his room, but most of his sleepiness had already dissipated. He opened his phone—WeChat was a sea of red dots. After two consecutive nights at bars, plenty of people had asked for his WeChat, both men and women. Xu Yan had been drunk and didn't really know what happened, only remembered that Xu Nian had unlocked his phone and willingly showed the QR code to anyone who asked, as if eager to find his brother a second spring.

He tapped open a chat at random—a little 0, whose voice messages were super cute in tone, asking if Xu Yan wanted to go to another bar next time, he'd sing for him~

"Mm..." Xu Yan instinctively pressed a hand to his chest. He thought, if only he had half that person's ability to act cute, would Shen Zhi have ended up like this? But then he imagined himself acting cute with Shen Zhi—he'd probably get kicked straight out of the house.

While he was looking, a guy sent a message: You left your lighter on the sofa, I picked it up.

An opening line with obvious meaning. Xu Yan casually typed back: Keep it.

Seeing he was still awake, the other person sent a voice message right back: "Still up this late?" The voice was deliberately low, bubbling, awkward no matter how you heard it. Xu Yan half regretted blocking Shen Zhi, because scattered in the chat history were a few of Shen Zhi's voice messages—if he could listen to one now, it would be a treat for his ears.

Xu Yan: Woke up.

The other person's voice message: "I saw you leave pretty early today, did you drink too much? Feeling unwell?"

Xu Yan was about to reply with something like stop sending voice messages I'm already pretty uncomfortable right now, when he suddenly heard the front door seem to knock a few times. He thought it was a hallucination, put down his phone and sat quietly—someone really was knocking, intermittently, knock then stop, then knock again, not loud, not heavy.

It was goddamn three in the morning. Xu Yan couldn't think of who else could be outside besides a ghost. The only one who knew he lived here was Xu Nian, and that kid had a key, and even if he didn't, he'd definitely call, not creepily knock from outside.

Xu Yan got out of bed and left the room, didn't turn on the light, quietly walked to the entryway, picked up the broom in the corner, phone in hand, faintly illuminating a small area. He leaned over to look through the peephole—damn it, the peephole was broken. Old houses really couldn't be trusted, problems in every detail.

If it was a thief outside, and he kept silent, the other party might start prying the door open, and getting the lock fixed would be a hassle... So Xu Yan just opened his mouth and asked: "Who is it?"

The knocking stopped at once. A few seconds passed before someone answered: "Me."

Just one word, but the timbre was too familiar. Xu Yan froze on the spot.

It was Shen Zhi, no doubt about it, but why was it Shen Zhi?

Why?

Xu Yan certainly couldn't flatter himself into thinking Shen Zhi had come to coax him. Right now he'd rather have a ghost standing outside than have to guess blankly at three in the morning why Shen Zhi was at his door. It was too bizarre.

"Open the door." After a long silence, Shen Zhi seemed a little impatient and said quietly.

Xu Yan put down the broom, undid the safety latch, and pulled the door open. The hallway light was on, warm-toned, illuminating the person before him clearly. Xu Yan looked at him without speaking, because his mind was a bit of a mess—like planting an orange tree only to have it grow cherries. Cherries cost more than oranges, but you can't feel happy about it, only startled, confused, even a little afraid. You don't know why it's like this—the fact before you overturns everything you thought you knew.

For a moment his expression went blank, his heart swelling several times over, pressed tight against his chest, every beat distinct. It had only been two days, but Xu Yan felt Shen Zhi had already become somewhat unfamiliar—still that cold, sour face, carrying fatigue and a hint of irritated impatience. Maybe it was an illusion, but Xu Yan felt that after seeing him, Shen Zhi seemed to relax a little... Forget it, it was an illusion. Self-flattery wasn't permitted.

The two looked at each other for a long while. Shen Zhi's Adam's apple moved before he asked: "Why aren't you asleep yet."

?

You come knock on my door in the middle of the night, now the door is open, and you ask me why I'm not asleep? Are you serious?

Of course Xu Yan wouldn't ask this. He'd never spoken to Shen Zhi like this, never before, never after. He answered casually: "Oh, just playing on my phone." As he said it he raised his hand to show Shen Zhi his phone, but his thumb accidentally hit the screen and directly played the voice message from that guy—a low, suggestive voice rang out in the silence: "Your butt looks pretty perky, figure this good, you work out often?"

Xu Yan felt himself instantly transform into a giant question mark, not understanding why the other person's topic had suddenly jumped from drinking too much and feeling unwell to butt and working out. But none of that mattered now. He glanced instinctively at Shen Zhi and discovered that a person's complexion really could be described as "ugly"—his features seemed embedded in a piece of blue-green ice, cold to the bone.

It really wasn't great. From Shen Zhi's perspective, this was probably blatant seamless transition—flirting with someone new just days after leaving. Even though he had no feelings for him—but a man's pride, Xu Yan understood. But understanding was one thing; at this point, there was no need to specifically explain such a thing. Xu Yan locked his screen, looked up, and asked: "What are you here for? It's so late."

There were bloodshot veins in Shen Zhi's eyes. He slightly furrowed his brow, stared into Xu Yan's eyes, and instead of answering asked: "What exactly are you trying to do?"

That sentence immediately reminded Xu Yan of the WeChat message 'Have you made enough trouble'. He instantly shed that bit of expectation and tension, looked at Shen Zhi quite calmly, and said: "Right now you're the one standing at my door, and you're asking me what I'm trying to do? Is that appropriate?"

"You're the one who ran off first. Is there a problem with me asking you this?" Shen Zhi asked him.

So in Shen Zhi's mind, he was the one who'd made the mistake first, so he had to accept Shen Zhi's questioning and give an answer.

"Your logic is really airtight, no matter when." Xu Yan pulled the corner of his mouth into a smile. "I'm not trying to do anything, I just wanted to come home. If you feel my leaving without a word offended you, then I apologize to you. Does that work for you?"

Because he was throwing a tantrum, he came home to clear his head, now he knew he was wrong, so he obediently apologized. Same as always, no need to coax him and he'd just go on like before... Xu Yan hadn't noticed that his words had already created such ambiguity, only clearly saw Shen Zhi's expression suddenly relax a bit. A sourness rose in his heart—as expected, Shen Zhi relaxed completely upon realizing he was finally free of him.

Coming here in the middle of the night just to get a definite, satisfying answer. What a hassle.

"...I have a business trip tomorrow morning." Shen Zhi pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly and said, "About half a month." There was actually a second half—you can stay here if you feel comfortable, keep staying until I'm back from the trip and then come home.

But he didn't say it, because there was no need—Xu Yan would definitely go back by then. This business trip came suddenly, the timing was too tight, he had no time to fuss over Xu Yan not answering calls and blocking him on WeChat right now. The commotion this time was indeed a bit bigger, and it was the first time, but anyway... anyway Xu Yan would be home soon, no need to worry, any scores could be settled after half a month.

Xu Yan suddenly heard him mention the business trip and didn't know what it meant, probably he just had nothing else to say? So he nodded: "Oh, okay."

After a pause, Shen Zhi said: "Delete him."

"What?" Xu Yan was stunned for a moment, then realized he meant the guy who'd just sent the voice message. He frowned, "This has nothing to do with you..."

Shen Zhi cut him off: "Block him." He said, "Don't use this kind of tactic in the future to..." He couldn't find the right word for a moment—don't deliberately use this kind of tactic to provoke me? Get my attention? Make me jealous? They all seemed right, yet none of them quite fit.

His words trailed off, but Xu Yan understood—also, Xu Yan thought, in Shen Zhi's eyes, everything he did was to get his attention, even at this point still showing off such cheap tricks, like a performing clown... But his image in Shen Zhi's heart was already bad enough, so there was no need to explain anything, just leave it.

The atmosphere was quiet for a moment. They looked at each other, Xu Yan's gaze somewhat serious—this might be the last time he looked at Shen Zhi like this. No matter how thin and bitter this relationship was, the person before him was someone he'd loved for six years, so... one more look.

"Your driver's still waiting downstairs, right?" Xu Yan took a breath and said slowly, "Your flight's tomorrow morning, hurry back, remember to wear more clothes outside, the weather's cold." He suddenly felt there were still so many things he wanted to say—drink less, don't work too late, rest well, remember to blow-dry your hair after washing it... But forget it, there would be someone better by Shen Zhi's side in the future, better than him anyway.

Only Xu Yan had a premonition that perhaps there really wouldn't be anyone who loved Shen Zhi as much as he did—too bad Shen Zhi didn't want his love.

"I know." Shen Zhi said. In the past, before business trips, Xu Yan would always smile and throw his arms around him, brazenly kissing him a few times, but now he just stood indifferently by the door, no other gesture. It was getting late, he needed to go back and prepare things for the trip... In the past, Xu Yan always packed for him. Shen Zhi paused, didn't linger, and turned toward the elevator.

Xu Yan tilted his head slightly, watching Shen Zhi's retreating back, opened his mouth, and silently said "goodbye."