Chapter 10

After being dragged to bars by Xu Nian for days on end, Xu Yan decided to swear off alcohol—if he kept this up, everyone in the bar scene would know he was nursing a broken heart. Still, thanks to Xu Nian, someone else found out too. When the call came in, Xu Yan was on the balcony doing push-ups. He didn't even bother checking the caller ID, just picked up and snapped, 'Can you stop bothering me?' It was a new number, and only Xu Nian had it, so Xu Yan naturally assumed it was his brother.

'It’s been a month since we last talked, why the hostility?' Ji Huai’s voice was laced with a smile.

Xu Yan scrambled up from the floor. 'Why are you calling?'

Ji Huai was his ride-or-die from his teenage years. They’d been inseparable, walking arm-in-arm everywhere, surviving the trenches of middle school and high school entrance exams together. Their friendship was the stuff of legend—at least, in the eyes of the girls at school.

Back then, Xu Yan was still a fresh-faced student, full of spirit and sunshine, with an upbeat, outgoing personality. Ji Huai was the opposite: distant and quiet with strangers, carrying a kind of brooding, melancholic air. Xu Yan had heard girls say more than once that guys like Ji Huai were total magnets for maternal instincts.

Xu Yan had asked them back then, 'What, have you all been mothers before?'

They’d broken it down for him: 'Look at Ji Huai. He just seems like the type who’s been hurt, someone with a protective shell who doesn’t show his true self easily. It makes you want to get inside his heart and give him some warmth.'

'...' Xu Yan gaped. 'How many angsty novels have you girls been reading?' He turned to Ji Huai. 'Have you been hurt? Do you have a protective shell?'

Ji Huai was busy cracking an egg he’d swiped from a friend in the next class. 'Yeah, I’ve been hurt. I scraped my foot climbing the wall two days ago. You know that.'

Xu Yan: '...'

They were legendary mostly because they were inseparable despite being polar opposites—one sunny, one moody—and they were both good-looking and reckless. In today’s terms, they were 'totally shippable.' Xu Yan didn't care about the rumors at all. He even slung an arm around Ji Huai’s neck and said, 'Why don't we just give it a try?' Ji Huai swatted his hand away. 'What about the school beauty you went to the movies with yesterday?'

Xu Yan roared with laughter. 'I totally forgot about that!'

Anyway, those were the carefree, golden days. Best friends, pretty girls, playing ball, fighting, skipping class to hit the internet cafe, pulling all-nighters to study and cram. After high school, Ji Huai went to the UK. They met up a few times, and once, Shen Zhi even saw them together.

That time, Ji Huai was back for the Lunar New Year and drove right up to Shen Zhi’s villa to call Xu Yan. Xu Yan excitedly changed his clothes to head out. Even though he knew Shen Zhi had zero interest in his whereabouts, Xu Yan still reported in: 'I’m meeting a friend, I won’t be back for dinner.'

Shen Zhi was standing on the balcony, watching as Xu Yan sprinted to the gate, gave Ji Huai a massive bear hug, chatted and laughed, and then drove off. When Xu Yan got home that night, he found the house pitch black—even though it was still early. He went upstairs, stood in the dark bedroom, and asked softly, 'Are you asleep?'

After a long silence, Xu Yan assumed Shen Zhi was asleep and went to grab his pajamas for a shower. Just as he passed the bed, he was suddenly grabbed by the wrist and yanked down. Xu Yan was stunned. 'You’re awake? Why didn’t you say anything?' Shen Zhi stayed silent. It was too dark for Xu Yan to see his expression, so he just asked, 'Did you eat dinner?'

This time, Shen Zhi spoke up: 'No.'

Xu Yan frowned. 'Why not?'

Shen Zhi let go of his hand, his tone annoyed. 'None of your business.'

Xu Yan asked, 'Are you upset I didn’t make you dinner?' He thought it was a bit funny. 'Even nannies get 365 days of leave, you know. I just missed one dinner, you don’t have to be so…'

'I just didn’t want to eat,' Shen Zhi cut him off coldly. 'Don’t overthink it.'

'Yeah, yeah, I’m overthinking. You go back to sleep, I’m going to shower.' Xu Yan stood up, then sighed. 'Man, I was having such a good time with my friend, and you’ve really brought me down.'

'You didn't have to come back,' Shen Zhi said.

Xu Yan stood by the bed. The darkness felt like a physical weight. Suddenly, his chest felt tight, heavy, like he couldn't breathe.

'Yeah, you’d probably be thrilled if I didn’t come back. If I never came back, would you want to set off fireworks?' Xu Yan suddenly had the urge to really provoke Shen Zhi, so he added, 'But keep dreaming. I won’t. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to keep pestering you.'

...Forget it. He couldn't actually say anything truly hurtful, so he was stuck with these elementary-school-level provocations. What was even more frustrating was that Shen Zhi wasn't even riled up. He just stayed silent for a few seconds and said, 'Boring.' Yeah, it was pretty boring. One couldn't bring himself to be cruel, and the other was too disgusted to even react. Xu Yan felt like a total idiot.

...

Stop. He was back on the subject of Shen Zhi again. One day, Xu Yan would find a way to erase these miserable memories.

'Why couldn't it be me?' Ji Huai asked with a laugh over the phone.

Xu Yan checked the phone number format on his screen, pleasantly surprised. 'You’re back in the country?'

'Yeah, just a couple of days ago. I was going to look for you, but Xu Nian told me you were already back,' Ji Huai said. 'I’m here on vacation. I’m not leaving until after the New Year.'

Xu Yan didn't answer. He sprinted back to his room, opened his laptop, and clicked away on his browser. Ji Huai asked, 'What’s up?'

'Looking at flights,' Xu Yan said seriously. 'I was just planning on heading to Lhasa for a few days. You’re coming with me.'

Ji Huai chuckled on the other end. 'Sure.'

On the way to the airport, Xu Nian was driving and rambling on, complaining about how he wanted to go to Lhasa too, how he hadn't gone out in forever, and how his company was driving him crazy, blah blah blah... Xu Yan gave a cold laugh. 'You look pretty free to me every day.' Xu Nian glared at him in the rearview mirror, but Ji Huai just smiled and patted Xu Nian’s head. 'We’ll go somewhere else together when you’ve got time.'

Xu Nian immediately acted like a dog that had been petted, grinning foolishly. 'Ji Huai-ge is the only one who’s good to me.'

Come to think of it, they’d always been close. Xu Nian was only a year behind them, so crashing their classes and grades was a daily occurrence. Unlike Xu Yan, who would bolt the second trouble started and leave his own brother behind, Ji Huai had dragged Xu Nian out of the dean’s clutches more times than he could count. Xu Yan remembered that one of Xu Nian’s birthday wishes in high school was to trade brothers—and get Ji Huai instead.

After getting out of the car, just as Xu Yan set his suitcase down, Xu Nian leaned in and lowered his voice—though Ji Huai could clearly hear everything. Xu Nian said, 'Ge, I’m gonna be real with you. If you have to be with a guy, and that guy is Ji Huai-ge, then I can live with that.'

Ji Huai glanced at Xu Nian, his expression calm and unreadable. He didn't say a word. Xu Yan looked at his brother, speechless. 'Xu Nian, if I ever become homophobic, it’s definitely going to be your fault.'

'Then I guess I’ve done a good deed,' the proudly homophobic Xu Nian replied with satisfaction.