11

When the WeChat voice request rang, Xu Yan's phone was in Ji Huai's hand—in front of the Potala Palace, Ji Huai was taking tourist photos of Xu Yan.

"Someone called Doctor Liu." He shook the phone at Xu Yan. "He's calling you on voice." Xu Yan started, walked over to take the phone, stared at the screen for two seconds, his thumb hesitating to press accept, not hanging up either.

"Your doctor?" Ji Huai asked him.

Xu Yan had mild altitude sickness, his head feeling heavy. He shook his head and said softly: "Shen Zhi's." Then he picked up the voice call, like every time in the past few years, smiling: "Hello, Doctor Liu."

"Oh, Xiao Xu, Shen Zhi hasn't come in for several months, right? I'll arrange a time in the next couple of days for him to come in for a check-up. He's a busy man, you'll need to keep an eye on him, make sure you bring him over, understand?"

Cold—Nikko's wind in winter was still like a knife, cutting his face again and again. Xu Yan looked at the magnificent Potala Palace, wanting to refuse, but as soon as he opened his mouth, the dry cold wind rushed in, leaving him speechless. He wanted so badly to say "I can't do this, please don't contact me again," but he couldn't, it was hard—Shen Zhi's hand was injured because of him.

The specifics, he didn't want to recall—recalling easily made a person confused and soft-hearted. Xu Yan was silent for a long moment, finally saying: "Okay, I'll let him know, he'll contact you before coming."

After hanging up the voice call, Xu Yan stood there, his hair blown into a mess, looking a bit desolate. Ji Huai also didn't speak, staying with him. A few minutes later, Xu Yan opened his friends list, found Shen Zhi's assistant, and asked her: Miss Li, did you go on this business trip with Shen Zhi?

The assistant quickly replied: No, the one who went with President Shen is the second assistant. Mr. Xu, is there something you need?

Xu Yan: Nothing, just when Shen Zhi comes back, please let him know that Doctor Liu is urging him to come in for acupuncture, remember to give advance notice before going. In the future I'll have Doctor Liu contact you directly. Thanks for your trouble.

Assistant: Understood, when President Shen returns I'll report to him in time. Thank you, Mr. Xu.

Xu Yan: You're welcome.

After sending, Xu Yan grinned, feeling much lighter. Just as he was about to pocket his phone, it rang again—an unknown number. Ji Huai said "You're really busy," Xu Yan was also puzzled, but still answered, and regretted it immediately upon hearing the other party's voice—

"Xu Yan." Meng Yuwan got straight to the point. "Hello, I'm Shen Zhi's mother."

Xu Yan's head hurt even more. He said: "Mm, I know. Hello, Auntie."

On the other end, Meng Yuwan's tone was leisurely: "I heard you've gone home. Planning to go back and play for a few days?"

Her feigned ignorance was too obvious. Xu Yan couldn't be bothered to play games and said directly: "No, I'll be staying on my own side from now on."

Meng Yuwan laughed lightly: "You're quite an obedient child."

Obedient wasn't the word for it—I just want to save myself some face, Xu Yan thought. He pulled the corner of his mouth into a smile: "Mm-hmm, Auntie, is there anything else? If not I'll hang up, the signal isn't great here."

The signal really wasn't great, and the wind was strong—talking on the phone was painful. But "bad signal" as an excuse had been overused in life and TV dramas to the point where it became a kind of avoidance attitude. Meng Yuwan naturally assumed Xu Yan was uncomfortable and unwilling to face it, and kindly delivered the final blow: "Alright, but there's something I still want to tell you. Shen Zhi is getting engaged next month. If you have time, you're welcome to attend."

The wind seemed to have stopped cutting his face—it was cutting his eyeballs. His eye sockets were sore and stinging, it hurt so much. Xu Yan suddenly couldn't catch his breath, probably the altitude sickness was worsening. He looked at the colorful flags fluttering in the distance, steadied his breathing, and said: "Auntie, I'm sorry, I'm probably busy."

"What a pity." Meng Yuwan had already anticipated this answer. She said, "Shen Zhi has been busy lately picking locations for wedding photos, flying everywhere, he's very tired. If you have nothing to do, don't go bother him." Such a subtle warning—warning him not to contact Shen Zhi anymore.

Business trip... Shen Zhi stood at the door that early morning, told him he was going on a business trip—turns out he was actually busy preparing for the wedding. Xu Yan's chest was so tight he could barely breathe. He slowly squatted on the ground, one hand supporting his forehead, his voice a bit hoarse, and said softly: "That's for sure, please don't worry... if you get a chance, please pass along to Shen Zhi—congratulations on his wedding." Of course there wouldn't be such a chance. He had already been completely removed from Shen Zhi's life—but originally he was just a wishful, shameless presence. It was better without him.

How the call ended, Xu Yan forgot. The wind was too strong, too strong, sweeping through his head, his body, his whole person in chaos. He had known long ago that Shen Zhi was going to get engaged, but when this fact became a specific date, it still had the power to suffocate. Xu Yan knew he hadn't reached the point of being invulnerable—after all... after all, he had loved Shen Zhi for six years.

A hangnail by the fingernail still hurt for three days after being pulled out, let alone a person kept in the heart for over two thousand days and nights. Like digging a piece of meat from the heart—after a long time passed, the wound would heal, but the missing piece would always be missing, never grow back. Too damaging to the body.

Too damaging to the body. Shen Zhi, I just wanted to love you—how did it end up like this, how could it hurt so much.

Xu Yan turned off his phone and crouched at Ji Huai's feet with his head lowered. Ji Huai didn't ask anything, didn't say anything, just quietly stayed with him. A long time later, in the whistling wind by his ear, Ji Huai heard Xu Yan ask in a hoarse voice: "Ji Huai, why is Lhasa so cold?"

"It's winter. Everywhere is cold."

"Mm." Xu Yan nodded, then said, "Let's go to Hainan next time. I want some sunshine."

Ji Huai looked at the top of his head blown messy by the wind and said: "Okay."

When Shen Zhi got off the plane, his assistant was already waiting in the hall and took the contracts and documents from his hand. After getting in the car, the assistant briefly reported on the Company's situation during this period, and finally said: "Mr. Xu Yan contacted me."

Shen Zhi had originally been leaning back in his seat with his eyes closed, resting. Upon hearing this, he opened his eyes and asked: "What did he want with you?" Half a month had passed—the WeChat blacklist hadn't been removed, the phone still couldn't get through. He had found his new number, called, and found it was off... Thinking of these, Shen Zhi impatiently furrowed his brow.

"Mr. Xu said Doctor Liu is urging you to come in for a check-up."

Doctor Liu was Shen Zhi's father's friend, a highly respected old Chinese medicine doctor. He knew Shen Zhi had never been attentive about check-ups—not that he didn't care, just that when he was busy he easily forgot. So he found Xu Yan and let Xu Yan bring him to the clinic on time. Before every check-up, Xu Yan would coax him like a child—whether it was □□ or eating, before bed or after waking—tirelessly reminding Shen Zhi "I've booked your check-up for such-and-such time, don't forget, you absolutely have to go, okay baby..." always managing to make Shen Zhi tell him to shut up.

"Tell him to come tell me himself." Shen Zhi answered with a frown. Deliberately having the assistant pass the message—he didn't know what trick Xu Yan was trying to play. He didn't want to guess.

The assistant hesitated for a moment and said: "Mr. Xu also said, in the future have Doctor Liu contact me directly."

Shen Zhi looked at her, his voice low: "What does he mean?"

The assistant felt her scalp tingle. Work matters she handled with ease, but about her boss's personal issues... she deliberated for a while and gave her conclusion: "Mr. Xu's meaning is probably that from now on I'll be responsible for reminding you about check-ups." She knew this was stating the obvious—Shen Zhi couldn't possibly not understand Xu Yan's implication—but she could only say this much. Anything deeper she didn't know; she was just an outsider.

The car was quiet for a moment. Shen Zhi didn't speak again, looking expressionlessly out the car window. After about half a minute, he said in a low voice: "Still throwing a tantrum." The assistant glanced at his profile, sensing the tension, and didn't answer lightly.

Arriving home, Shen Zhi got out of the car, and the assistant took the contracts to the Company. Standing at the door, Shen Zhi suddenly lost the desire to push it open. He knew perfectly well the house was empty—no one would smile and say "you're back," ask him if he was tired, if he wanted to rest first, what he wanted to eat, I'll make it for you... Shen Zhi was agitated. This emotion came from uncertainty—not knowing how long Xu Yan would sulk, not knowing when he would come back.

Entering, going upstairs—everything was spotless. During the business trip the cleaning service had come on schedule. The bedding was spread flat and neat; on top, besides the pillow, there was also a very ugly crocodile plush toy—leftover from the Company annual meeting two years ago. That day Xu Yan had gone to the hotel to pick up Shen Zhi, saw the crocodile on the chair, and asked why no one wanted it. Shen Zhi had casually said if you like it take it. Xu Yan had happily carried it home, washed and dried it, then put it on the bed—once placed, it stayed for over two years. Shen Zhi had been very disgusted at first, but later just couldn't be bothered.

In the bathroom stood two electric toothbrushes, one black and one pink. When they first moved in together, Xu Yan had carefully observed Shen Zhi's toothbrush, wanting to buy a couple's set. Unfortunately, that style only came in black and pink. Shen Zhi used the black, and buying the same color would be easy to confuse, but Xu Yan insisted on having a couple's set, so he could only grit his teeth and buy pink. Midway through, Shen Zhi's toothbrush broke, and Xu Yan immediately found another style for him to buy—that one was one white and one black. Shen Zhi refused, still bought the same one, and Xu Yan had no choice but to continue using his pink one.

The closet still had Xu Yan's clothes hanging in it. Each used one wardrobe, because Shen Zhi didn't like mixing his clothes with others', but he could always find Xu Yan's shirts, T-shirts, and sweatshirts in his own wardrobe. Every time he found one, he threw the clothes back at Xu Yan. Xu Yan acted surprised and innocent, saying the clothes had grown legs and crawled over by themselves, nothing to do with me. A few times he had overacted, making Shen Zhi annoyed, and got pressed in the closet until he was on his knees begging for mercy, crying and swearing he'd properly manage his clothes from now on.

……

Too many—traces of Xu Yan everywhere in the house. Not something that disappeared just because a person left for a few days or the cleaning service came a few times. This was why Shen Zhi believed Xu Yan would definitely come back—Xu Yan couldn't possibly leave. For over four years, every day Shen Zhi had faced this conclusion: the person who had once vowed solemnly and said in person he'd cling to him for a lifetime—how could he give up so easily?

But there was something off—resigning, going home, blocking, turning off the phone... Shen Zhi stood in the silent room, tasting a hint of something wrong. He couldn't say what it was, or perhaps was unwilling to imagine that possibility. Too tired—he should have rested properly—but Shen Zhi still went downstairs, picked up the keys, and drove out.