8

Time slowed to a crawl, impossible to measure.

Li Xuan's strength drained away, and his phone slipped from his fingers, clattering to the floor.

The noise snapped Li Xuan back first. He shoved Su Xingchuan away, eyes and lips still wet, ignoring Su Xingchuan's instinctive attempt to hold him. He grabbed his phone in a panic, ran to the door, shoved on his shoes, and bolted out.

Leaving Su Xingchuan alone in the living room.

The door was still open, swaying in the draft from the hallway. The warmth and scent against his chest slowly dissipated.

Like a dream.

On the cabinet beside him sat a small kitten figurine. Su Xingchuan caught it out of the corner of his eye, snatched it up, and hurled it to the floor, shattering it to pieces.

Su Xingchuan closed his eyes.

He leaned against the wall. Passion had bloomed like fireworks, leaving only a wisp of smoke. For the first time, Su Xingchuan felt like a joke. Not only had he been dumped, but he had shamelessly tried to come between someone else's relationship.

He was crazy. He had to be crazy.

Or maybe just too lonely.

He really, shamelessly, missed Li Xuan.

Seven years ago, the first time he met Li Xuan, he had no idea how deep a mark Li Xuan would leave on his life.

.

Seven years ago.

Su Xingchuan watched Li Xuan walk away from the basketball court. A friend came up and asked, “What are you looking at?”

Li Xuan had already disappeared from view. Su Xingchuan only remembered his name.

And those beautiful eyes.

Like a kitten's — narrow at the inner corner, wide at the outer, the ends tilting up just slightly.

Seeing Su Xingchuan staring blankly off the court, Yu Qinglan punched him in the shoulder. “What's up with you?”

Su Xingchuan quickly pulled his gaze back and said, off topic, “He's from the School of Medicine. Just met him yesterday.”

Yu Qinglan thought Su Xingchuan was being really weird.

“What were you just saying?” Su Xingchuan finally caught on after a long beat, picking up the thread: “Barbecue? Sure, sounds good.”

Su Xingchuan figured that was it for him and Li Xuan.

But that very evening, he ran into Li Xuan on Back Street.

He and a bunch of friends were coming out of a lobster restaurant. It was windy out, only a few scattered customers at the outdoor tables. Su Xingchuan glanced around casually and spotted Li Xuan in a light blue sportswear set, sitting with his back to them on a plastic chair.

His right hand hung limp, and he was eating with his left.

Su Xingchuan recognized him at once.

Thinking of the fate of running into him twice, Su Xingchuan hesitated, then turned to give his friends a quick word before walking over to Li Xuan alone. Li Xuan seemed to hear his footsteps and suddenly looked up, making Su Xingchuan stop in his tracks.

Sauce was smeared all around Li Xuan's mouth, like a little calico kitten.

And again those kitten eyes, blinking innocently up at Su Xingchuan.

Su Xingchuan: “What are you doing here?”

Li Xuan didn't answer, ducking his head to keep eating. He had ordered a greasy plate of fried noodles. With his left hand clumsy on the chopsticks, every time he picked up a mouthful, he flicked sauce onto his own face.

Su Xingchuan sighed, pulled out the chair next to Li Xuan, sat down, and said, “Want me to help?”

Without a word, Li Xuan immediately pushed the plate in front of Su Xingchuan. Su Xingchuan: “...Were you just waiting for me?”

“Yes.” Li Xuan was surprisingly honest.

He held up his hand, bandaged like a little pig's trotter, and said with a look: I can't eat on my own.

“Your hand's like that, and you still go for fried noodles? Couldn't you just get fried rice?” Su Xingchuan took Li Xuan's chopsticks, went and got a spoon from the owner. He picked up some noodles with the chopsticks, placed them on the spoon, and brought it to Li Xuan's mouth.

The first time he offered it, he didn't think.

Only when it touched Li Xuan's lips did his heart suddenly lurch. This was a bit too intimate. No matter how pretty Li Xuan was, he was still a guy, a twenty-year-old guy, he—

Before he could sort that out, Li Xuan had already opened his mouth and eaten the spoonful of noodles in one bite.

He was enjoying himself, at least.

“Correct me if I'm wrong, but we've only met twice.”

Li Xuan nodded. “I want some ham sausage.”

“...” Su Xingchuan resigned himself to it, picked up a piece of ham sausage, and delivered it into Li Xuan's mouth.

Li Xuan seemed in a great mood, his long, slender legs swinging back and forth from under his light blue shorts.

“Why were you waiting for me here? What exactly do you want?” Su Xingchuan grew suspicious.

Li Xuan raised his little pig trotter again.

“I'm injured.”

“It's not like I'm the one who hurt you. Take it up with those thugs.”

“You did hurt me,” Li Xuan said quietly. “You pulled me behind you, and that's when I cut it on that piece of glass.”

“So now it's my fault? If it hadn't been for me that night, it wouldn't just be this pig trotter — your whole face would've been beaten to a pulp!” Su Xingchuan's anger flared up. “Seriously? Shifting blame onto me? Let me make this clear: I stepped in to help, pure gallantry. You're lucky I'm not charging you for a hero banner. As for your hand, I'm not taking responsibility.”

Su Xingchuan drew the line, quick.

Li Xuan's lips moved, like he wanted to say something but didn't.

Su Xingchuan was about to leave when Li Xuan looked all pitiful, slowly retrieved his plate, and clumsily gripped his chopsticks with his left hand, making a mess of his noodles.

Su Xingchuan was reeled right back in.

He sat down again and snatched the chopsticks from Li Xuan.

“Alright, alright. I'll feed you this bowl of noodles, and then we're even.”

Li Xuan's legs started swinging again.

Su Xingchuan fed him and asked, “What were you going to say just now?”

Su Xingchuan figured he was about to say thank you.

After all, he had been genuinely heroic that night. Not everyone would charge into a dark alley, frighten off a gang, and rescue a total stranger. That was front-page campus news material, might even earn him some extra credits.

Besides, Li Xuan still hadn't thanked him.

He waited for Li Xuan to say thank you.

But Li Xuan said, “I want some greens. I don't like egg, stop giving me egg.”

“...” Su Xingchuan thought: Did I owe this kid in a past life?

Li Xuan got his greens and suddenly broke into a happy smile.

It was the first time Su Xingchuan had seen him smile.

His brows and eyes curved like tiny crescent moons — though a cool, aloof crescent moons, because the smile vanished in an instant.

All Su Xingchuan could think right then was: What does he taste like? Sweet or salty?

“Su Xingchuan,” Li Xuan suddenly said. “I know your name now. I asked around.”

Su Xingchuan froze, not getting it.

“Thank you for saving me. I already had my dad talk to the teachers and school leaders. You'll get a commendation. Do you want a banner? I'll buy one and give it to you tomorrow.”

“Huh?”

Hearing Li Xuan string together such a long sentence caught Su Xingchuan off guard, especially with that soft, cottony tone coming from such a cold, indifferent face. The contrast was jarring.

“No, what banner? I was joking,” Su Xingchuan said, catching on, waving his hands. “Joking, really.”

“That's all it takes?” Li Xuan mused. “Then can I eat with you from now on?”

Li Xuan suddenly stared straight at Su Xingchuan. His eyes weren't really almond-shaped, but when he lowered his head a bit and looked up at him all hopeful, his eyes became especially round, especially innocent, especially cute.

The word ‘okay’ was already on Su Xingchuan's lips, but reason held it back.

He frowned. “What do you mean, eat together?”

“Just that. Eat together.”

Li Xuan opened his mouth again. “I want ham sausage.”

The corner of Su Xingchuan's mouth twitched. “...By ‘eat together,’ you don't mean me feeding you, do you?”

Two days later.

North Campus Canteen No. 2.

Su Xingchuan looked coldly at Li Xuan. “Are we ever going to stop? Waving that little pig trotter around every day — who are you trying to play sob story for?”

As he said this, he held a spoon to Li Xuan's mouth. Li Xuan opened up and took a big bite of rice soaked in tomato beef brisket broth. Satisfied, he slowly lowered his right hand and his legs began their alternating swing again.

Today he wore a white T-shirt with a cartoon print, black shorts, and a pair of sneakers that Su Xingchuan eyeballed as easily five thousand yuan — if they were real.

Su Xingchuan finally got a handle on this little rascal's background.

He'd heard his family was loaded, nothing he wore was under four digits. A private driver picked him up for holidays. The reason he didn't study abroad was because he was too introverted and couldn't stand being far from his parents.

Classmates who knew him said he was extremely difficult to deal with. No young-master tantrums, he never showed up late to class and turned in assignments on time, but it was like he didn't understand what people said to him. He operated on his own logic and didn't care about anyone else.

Su Xingchuan had thought that was an exaggeration at first.

After two days of dealing with him, he could only say: spot-on description.

“The canteen's tomato brisket isn't good. Tastes like ketchup,” Li Xuan remarked.

“So what do you want? Michelin-starred?”

Li Xuan lowered his gaze. “I didn't say that.”

Realizing his tone had been too harsh, Su Xingchuan cleared his throat and asked on his own, “Is your hand any better?”

Li Xuan shook his head again.

“So you've just latched onto me?”

Li Xuan nodded.

Su Xingchuan was speechless. “Why me? Because I saved you? This is straight-up biting the hand that feeds you!”

Li Xuan's gaze slowly dropped from Su Xingchuan's face to his stomach. “Aren't you playing basketball today?”

“What's it to you?” Su Xingchuan snapped.

Li Xuan stiffened, immediately looking pitiful.

His legs stopped swinging, tucked neatly together.

“Fine, fine. I'll play, I'll play.”

Su Xingchuan brought the spoon to his mouth and said, deadpan, “Young master, hurry up and eat. I'm about to starve.”

Neither of them had class that afternoon.

So Li Xuan sat by the basketball court and watched Su Xingchuan play.

A friend jerked his chin toward the sideline and teased, “You've got some charm — your spectators have gone from girls to boys.”

Su Xingchuan glanced back at Li Xuan.

Li Xuan was fiddling with the drinks beside him.

He'd bought a pile of drinks — energy drinks, sodas. He'd arranged them into a square formation, then placed the cola and vitamin water at the very front, thoroughly enjoying himself.

Su Xingchuan had no idea what went through his head every day.

“Let's play, let's play,” Su Xingchuan urged.

The first half ended perfectly with a three-pointer from Su Xingchuan. He lifted the hem of his jersey to fan himself, and caught Li Xuan's gaze, staring straight at him.

Su Xingchuan narrowed his eyes and quickly dropped the jersey, covering his sweaty abs.

Li Xuan pouted.

“...” Su Xingchuan sensed something off.

He walked over. Li Xuan immediately stood up and grandly gestured with both hands to the right, showing off the little drink stand he'd built by emptying out the nearby vending machine.

“Anything you like to drink?”

Li Xuan's eyes were full of expectation.

Not wanting to give in, Su Xingchuan said, “Sorry, I only drink water.”

Li Xuan looked disappointed for a split second.

He got a bottle of water from a friend, unscrewed the cap, and took two big gulps. Tilting his head back, he told himself over and over: Don't go soft. Don't let this inexplicable rich kid reel you in. You have no idea what he's up to. Just be cold, ignore him, draw a clear line. Absolutely, definitely do not go soft.

But the moment he lowered his head and saw Li Xuan looking dejected, Su Xingchuan blurted out, “I'll take that vitamin water.”

Li Xuan's lips curled up immediately.

He handed the vitamin water to Su Xingchuan.

The rest of the drinks would go to waste, so after getting Li Xuan's ok, Su Xingchuan gave them out to the other players in Li Xuan's name. Li Xuan paid no attention to Su Xingchuan's gesture — when people said thanks he barely responded, just kept his eyes on Su Xingchuan.

Su Xingchuan sat down next to him. Li Xuan asked, “Are you hot? You can lift your jersey to fan yourself.”

“...Could you be any more obvious?”

Li Xuan cocked his head, all innocent.

“If you like abs, go work out. What's the point of staring at other people's?” Su Xingchuan suddenly felt playful and reached toward Li Xuan's stomach, smirking. “Do you even have any?”

Li Xuan froze. Su Xingchuan patted his stomach.

Flat, but soft.

Su Xingchuan laughed. Li Xuan's ears flushed scarlet. He shot to his feet, tossed a pack of wet wipes — clearly prepared long in advance — into Su Xingchuan's arms, and stormed off without looking back.

“Got quite a temper,” Su Xingchuan said.

Su Xingchuan figured Li Xuan would give him the silent treatment for at least a few days. Instead, the very next day he ran into Li Xuan at the Library.

Li Xuan sat down across from him and used his left hand to pull a laptop and books out of his bag.

The medical textbooks were impressively thick, but Li Xuan expertly flipped to about two-thirds of the way in and started reading intently.

Li Xuan's focus while studying made Su Xingchuan see him in a slightly new light. Su Xingchuan couldn't concentrate on his own book anymore. His mind wandered: The little young master could coast on his looks or his family's money, yet here he was studying medicine to help and save people. Respect. But with a personality like that, he'd have major doctor-patient relationship issues down the line.

Just as he was thinking this, someone tapped him on the shoulder.

It was Yu Qinglan.

She leaned down and whispered in his ear, “Don't forget the club anniversary event tonight. Go early and help blow up balloons, set up the place.”

Su Xingchuan had completely forgotten.

He'd been so tangled up with Li Xuan the past couple days he'd even forgotten a major course assignment, never mind the club event.

He nodded and said quietly, “Okay, got it.”

Yu Qinglan glanced back at Li Xuan, then left the study room.

Su Xingchuan didn't notice Li Xuan's increasingly dark expression. He finished his own work, checked the time, and got ready to leave.

Only when packing up did he remember Li Xuan.

He paused for a moment, sneaking a look at Li Xuan.

Li Xuan caught him and glared.

Su Xingchuan felt a little awkward. He pulled out his phone and messaged Li Xuan: [Debate Club activity tonight, I'm heading out first.]

Cat Head: [No.]

Su Xingchuan: [Why not?]

Cat Head: [Just no.]

Su Xingchuan: [I don't take orders without a reason.]

Cat Head: [I hate you.]

Those words almost came with a voice clip — Su Xingchuan could already picture how Li Xuan would puff up saying them.

Su Xingchuan chuckled softly and didn't reply. He pocketed his phone, shoved the last book into his backpack, and left.

Still, a little worried, he stopped at the corner by the door, hiding behind a pillar to look back into the study room. Li Xuan was still flipping through his book, seemingly unaffected. Su Xingchuan let out a relieved breath.

Campus scenery was at its peak in summer — the tree-lined avenue was scattered with patches of golden light.

Leaves rustled.

Su Xingchuan walked into the wind, heading toward the Debate Club.

He glanced back now and then, making sure Li Xuan wasn't following.

Even though he could shake off that little tagalong, Su Xingchuan suddenly felt something was off, like something was missing.

He couldn't put his finger on it.

When he got to the club, he became the center of attention the moment he walked in. Everyone gathered around to chat, and a few words from him had them all laughing.

Seeing the chaotic setup, Su Xingchuan immediately started delegating: “One person on balloons, two on streamers, all guys move the tables, someone get the projector set up. Let's move — aim to finish in twenty minutes.”

Su Xingchuan easily became the center of any group.

It had always been that way.

And that made him popular with girls. Just a moment ago, his phone had received a friend request.

From a new junior in the club.

Su Xingchuan hesitated, then decided to pretend he hadn't seen it.

It wasn't that he had anything against Girl — he'd once added her as a friend and then got pestered nonstop. So he did his best to avoid a repeat.

Yu Qinglan came up beside him and whispered, “Got a friend request from that junior, didn't you?”

“How'd you know?”

“She asked me, wanted to know if you had a girlfriend.”

Yu Qinglan pointed to the right side of the room. “That's her. She's really pretty, I love her hairstyle.”

Su Xingchuan looked over and nodded. “Yeah, pretty.”

“She's not good enough? Your standards are way too high.”

Su Xingchuan smiled. “I'm not being picky.”

“Then why not?”

“Just a vibe thing, I guess. Haven't met anyone who really clicked with me.”

Right as he said that, a familiar figure appeared at the classroom door. Su Xingchuan automatically walked over. Sure enough, it was Li Xuan.

Li Xuan held up a pen in his left hand and said, with a show of seriousness, “You left this pen at the library.”

A flimsy cover, but Su Xingchuan didn't call him out on it.

Leaning against the doorframe, Su Xingchuan said, “I can't eat with you tonight. Go to the canteen on your own, get some congee, it's easier to eat.”

Li Xuan raised his little pig trotter again.

“No playing the pity card.”

Li Xuan turned and strode off, his back looking thoroughly huffy.

Su Xingchuan had to laugh.

“So that's the vibe that clicks?” Yu Qinglan's voice came right from behind him, making Su Xingchuan jump.

He spun around. “What?”

Yu Qinglan gazed at Li Xuan down the hallway, then asked Su Xingchuan, “Are you faking it, or are you for real?”

“What are you talking about?” Su Xingchuan was baffled.

“You can't tell he's gay?”

Su Xingchuan's heart clenched. “No way.”

Yu Qinglan shook her head. “I need to let that junior know, tell her to give up early, not waste her time on a deeply closeted guy.”