Chapter 43

Xu Yan put the Camera back in the office, phone still at his ear, responding to the drunkard's clingy chatter.

'I'm trending again, you know that? They say I was smoking... what's wrong with smoking?! I was smoking on my own balcony, damn it!'

'Mm-hm, saw it, they photographed you quite nicely.'

'Of course... what have you been up to lately? Miss you, husband.'

'Get a grip.' Xu Yan took a sip of water, smiling. 'If President Lin knew you called me that every day, I'd be assassinated sooner or later.'

'Who knows how many mistresses he has out there.' Yu Xue's voice was soft, but her words rang with force. 'What's wrong with me calling you husband a few times?'

Xu Yan couldn't do anything about her, could only smile helplessly. There were always so many unexpected things in the world. Just as he hadn't expected that the gorgeous florist next door would become today's hottest actress.

Yu Xue had graduated from film academy, reportedly once harboring dreams of storming showbiz, even acting in a few flop web dramas, but at some party she'd flipped a table refusing a sleazy investor's groping hands, killing her career. She gave up on acting and just opened a flower shop. Over two years ago, Moding Entertainment's boss Lin Yan walked into that flower shop and fell for Yu Xue at first sight—barefoot, lying in a chair, half-undressed, blowing bubblegum.

Young Master Lin was a practical man—during his pursuit he'd gotten Yu Xue a supporting role in a period drama, had the script delivered to her home. Yu Xue wasn't some innocent flower either; a tall, rich, handsome man with connections and resources—only a fool would refuse. From supporting to lead, from period drama to urban drama, Yu Xue, backed by Lin Yan's promotion and her own stunning beauty and unique style, somehow carved out a bloody path in the industry and rose to become a red-hot starlet.

'Your life is like a power fantasy novel.' That was how Xu Yan described her when he saw Yu Xue surrounded by cameras at the Paris Fashion Show.

'I only read scripts, never novels. What's a power fantasy?' Yu Xue asked. 'Is it something really... satisfying? Isn't that just smut? Oh, Lin Yan is actually pretty good in bed, I do get off.'

Xu Yan's expression was complicated: 'Don't ever say that kind of thing in public.'

'Of course, I'm not stupid—how else would I have made it this far?' Yu Xue hooked his chin, smiling with infinite charm.

'So, why'd you call?' Xu Yan asked.

'Didn't I say? Miss you.' Yu Xue gulped another mouthful of wine. 'Next week, that charity gala thing—will you be there?'

'Yeah, I need to shoot backstage photos for the artists.' Xu Yan grabbed his car keys and left the office. 'I'm off work, about to drive—nothing else, I'll hang up first. Drink less, got it?'

'Okay, husband, bye-bye.' Yu Xue blew him two kisses through the phone, then hung up with a click.

Xu Yan opened WeChat, found Yu Xue's assistant, and messaged her to please keep a close eye on Yu Xue, or she'd be trending again tomorrow.

The assistant replied with several crying emojis: 'I'll do my best!'

Xu Yan liked parking his car at the Company entrance for easy access. Today was Ji Huai's birthday, and since everyone was back in the country in the same city for once, they decided to have dinner at Ji Huai's place—Lu Sen would come too.

It was actually Xu Yan's idea. He figured Ji Huai and Lu Sen had at least met a few times, everyone was around the same age, and if they got along they could hang out together. As for any other thoughts behind it... Xu Yan himself couldn't say clearly. When he asked Ji Huai if he wanted to invite Lu Sen, the other replied: 'I'll contact him.'

Mm, true, for a birthday like this, the birthday boy should be the one to extend the invitation. Xu Yan thought Ji Huai was being very thoughtful.

Xu Yan asked: 'Do you have his WeChat? I'll send it to you?'

Ji Huai: 'Yes.'

Mm, not bad, must have added each other on WeChat that time in Paris. Xu Yan figured.

Looking at his phone while stepping down the stairs, Xu Yan pulled out his keys about to unlock the car when he heard someone call him: 'Xu Yan.'

It had been a long time since that voice had called his name. Xu Yan looked up and saw Shen Zhi standing by the car a few steps away: 'Something?'

Summer, the sun set late, the sky still bright, waves of hot wind. Shen Zhi stood in the wind, dressed in such carefully tailored trousers and shirt, but Xu Yan thought he looked utterly worn down, no color in his face at all.

'The one who just called you...' Shen Zhi's Adam's apple moved, he paused, then continued, 'Who was it?'

He knew he had no right to ask this question, he knew that better than anyone, but he couldn't wait to know, couldn't wait even a second—only Xu Yan could give him the answer.

When Xu Yan realized what Shen Zhi was really asking, he let out a rather mocking laugh: 'Years without seeing each other, and you open with prying into my privacy?' He pressed the button to unlock the car and walked forward. 'I don't owe a stranger any account of my private affairs.'

'Xu Yan.' Shen Zhi reached out to stop him. He had so much to say but didn't know how to begin. Xu Yan's word 'stranger' was enough to break him. Shen Zhi looked at him, his voice carrying an unsteady breath. 'Are you... in a relationship?'

Since he was asking so directly—Xu Yan raised his eyes to meet his, a half-smile on his lips: 'What, I don't deserve a normal, healthy relationship?'

He bit down on those four words 'normal, healthy' a bit hard, as if deliberately reminding Shen Zhi how twisted and ugly their past had been. Xu Yan didn't want to drag up old matters and lay them out plainly—pointless. He'd spent so much time, walked so far forward, no reason to keep looking back, and he couldn't anyway.

Looking back was exhausting.

Shen Zhi's eyes went red in an instant, just looking at Xu Yan like that. He'd waited three years, didn't dare disturb him, didn't dare get close, filled himself with work, running like a machine without pause, avoiding any idle moment that might brew emotion. The moment he learned Xu Yan's return date, he felt his heart start beating again—but he hadn't expected to be hit over the head like this. He hadn't yet said anything, hadn't yet done anything.

One sentence from Xu Yan had shut down every possibility.

Wind passed between them. They stood face to face, looking close, but in reality the distance was still about the same as the ocean that had separated them these three years. Xu Yan looked away, walked around Shen Zhi to the car, opened the door and got in.

As the car passed Shen Zhi, Xu Yan glanced at him.

What a sorry sight.

But seeing that expression on his face, Xu Yan felt no satisfaction at all.

While hurting Shen Zhi, he was also hurting himself. That relationship had always been a double-edged sword—the closer they were, the deeper both their wounds when the truth was torn open, and Xu Yan was the one who'd lost more blood.

But it was all in the past now.

When he arrived at Ji Huai's place, Xu Nian and Lu Sen were already there. Ji Huai was washing vegetables, Xu Yan put on an apron—out of everyone here, he was the only one whose cooking was decent.

'A few more friends coming, they'll be a bit late.' Ji Huai said.

'Do I know them?'

'Probably not.'

Xu Yan nodded.

He only made two dishes and a soup, the rest would be solved by takeout. While Xu Yan was staring at the pot in a daze, Lu Sen came into the kitchen and squeezed his shoulder from behind: 'How've you been lately?'

Xu Yan came back to himself: 'Pretty good.'

Really pretty good. Those years shooting landscapes—rock climbing, mountain climbing, scrambling through forests, wind and rain and heavy snow—if he really compared, the current indoor fast pace actually seemed easier.

'You looked distracted, thought you'd worked yourself stupid.' Lu Sen tilted his head to look at Ji Huai who was cutting vegetables, and asked, 'Got a charger? I forgot mine.'

'In the bedroom.' Ji Huai washed his hands. 'I'll get it.'

Xu Yan picked up a piece of meat with chopsticks, turning as he spoke to Lu Sen: 'Taste this for salt...'

He stood there and trailed off—Lu Sen was long gone, probably went to the bedroom with Ji Huai to get the charger. Xu Nian was still on the balcony on the phone dealing with Company business. Xu Yan was silent for a few seconds, then ate the meat himself.

'Like playing with this?' Lu Sen leaned against the table, looking at the Harry Potter Lego set—it must have been recently opened, Ji Huai had only assembled Hedwig, the rest untouched.

'Play with it when I have time.' Ji Huai took the charger from the bedside table, walked over and handed it to Lu Sen.

Lu Sen took it, but the two didn't immediately leave the room, instead stood face to face. Lu Sen asked unhurriedly: 'Something you want to say?'

'Thanks for that day.' Ji Huai said.

'Which day? The day I ran into you drunk at the bar?' Lu Sen smiled. 'Just walked you home, no need to thank me so solemnly.'

Ji Huai nodded, reaching for the door, but Lu Sen spoke again: 'Do you know what you said when you were drunk?'

His hand on the doorknob stopped moving. Ji Huai turned his head, calmly asking: 'What did I say?'

'Thought you remembered.' Lu Sen wound the charging cable round and round his fingers. 'So you forgot.'

Ji Huai said nothing, let his hand drop, turned to look at him.

'But forgetting is normal, you drank too much.' Lu Sen tilted his chin up as if recalling. 'I kindly helped you into the room, and you just kissed me.'

He looked at Ji Huai again, the corners of his eyes smiling, pointed at his own right lip corner: 'Kissed me here, and when you kissed me you called out a name.'

'You called me...'

Before Lu Sen could finish, the door was knocked. Xu Nian shouted from outside: 'What are you two hiding in there? Ji Huai-ge, your friends are here, come out quick.'

'Bad timing.' Lu Sen let go, the charging cable wound around his fingers immediately loosened. He opened the door, looked back at Ji Huai, 'Then we'll talk next time.'

Friends arrived one after another, three men and two women. Soon the takeout arrived too. Xu Yan brought dishes to the table. Xu Nian sat at the table rubbing his hands together, and while only Lu Sen and Ji Huai were nearby, he said flatteringly: 'Ge, you're so domestic, I wonder who'll have the honor of marrying you as their wife someday?'

Xu Yan's face darkened, made as if to flip the bowl in his hand onto Xu Nian's head. Xu Nian clutched his head and screamed: 'Ge-ge-ge! You can't! You can't!'

During dinner everyone chatted casually. Sitting across from Xu Yan was Lan Qiuchen, in her thirties, one of Ji Huai's friends, looking very young, a psychiatrist at a tertiary Hospital, and also had her own private clinic she co-ran.

'Do the people who come to you for treatment look any different?' someone asked curiously.

'No.' Lan Qiuchen said. 'Nothing different, just like everyone around you.'

'When people catch a cold or get sick, they see a doctor. Some people's hearts catch a cold or get sick, so they see a psychiatrist.'

Xu Yan slowly turned his head to look at Ji Huai. Ji Huai said lightly: 'I'm not her patient. We were in the same apartment building in London before.'

Lan Qiuchen laughed: 'Don't worry, I've given Ji Huai the assessment, he's psychologically very healthy.'

After dinner, Xu Yan asked Lan Qiuchen for a business card. Yu Xue called him crying every few days when drunk, and Xu Yan couldn't tell whether she was just being melodramatic or really had some problem, so he figured he'd keep the contact just in case.