44

A week later, Xu Yan and Lu Sen, along with several other colleagues, flew to Beijing for the Mid-Year Charity Gala. A few specific floors were essentially reserved by the organizers, and after the gala, most artists who weren't in a rush to return to the Production Team for their schedules would stay the night here.

The night before, Yu Xue had been video-chatting with him, asking Xu Yan to help her pick which gown to wear. Xu Yan had work on hand at the time and brushed her off with a few words, which the big star saw right through and hung up angrily.

So Xu Yan sent her a message: The dark blue one looks good, add a more eye-catching hair accessory.

Within minutes, Yu Xue sent back a gorgeous selfie — deep brown waves, a red rose pinned at her temple, no particular expression on her face, but not unkind either; there was a distant, cold beauty about her — when she was being normal, she really was breathtakingly beautiful.

Xu Yan: That's right, exactly like that. The simpler the better.

Yu Xue was easy to coax; you could tell from her words how happy she was now: I think so too! The big photographer's taste really is the best! Kiss kiss hubby!

Xu Yan: Remember to delete this message later.

He was genuinely afraid Lin Yan would have someone kill him.

Yu Xue: What's wrong hubby? Why delete it hubby? Xuexue doesn't understand [pity]

Xu Yan: Could you please act a little like a top-tier actress?

Xu Yan was in charge of the arrival photos, Lu Sen handled the interior and stage. Over two hundred celebrities had come tonight; photographing each one was impossible — they were, after all, Tide's lead photographers, only needing to focus on award-winning actors and top-tier artists, so the workload wasn't heavy.

Yu Xue arrived fashionably late. Xu Yan first heard her greeting others, and only saw the hem of that dark blue gown when he looked up.

"Old—" The actress quickly corrected herself under Xu Yan's warning look. "Big Photographer Xu, long time no see."

They'd been on a video call the night before — where was the long time no see? Xu Yan almost laughed, but suddenly went blank, for no reason remembering that day in the studio, with people coming and going, Shen Zhi standing a metre to his right, saying softly: "Long time no see."

That was a real long time no see.

Xu Yan said: "Alright, let's take the photos first."

"Your ring!" Yu Xue's eyes lit up. She came over with her middle finger raised, showing off her own ring. "Look look, the same, couple's set!"

This ring and the whole collection hadn't even started selling in China yet, but Lu Sen seemed to like them and had sent pictures asking Xu Yan if he wanted any, so they could have the brand ship them over together. Xu Yan had casually picked one, not noticing at the time that it was a unisex style that could be paired as couple's rings.

"How awkward." Xu Yan smiled. "I'll take it off in a bit."

Yu Xue: "You're so annoying!"

"You look beautiful today." Once Yu Xue was in position, Xu Yan said.

"Oh!" Yu Xue dramatically sucked in a breath, pressed a hand to her chest, and blinked in pleasant surprise. "Why does my heart flutter so when you compliment me?"

The staff nearby all laughed. Xu Yan picked up his Camera with a deadpan expression — he knew you couldn't indulge Yu Xue; the moment you did, she'd dare to step on your head in those heels and dance in front of everyone.

Once the gala began, Xu Yan's work was done for the time being. He was supposed to sit in the audience, but Yu Xue started acting up again, insisting Xu Yan personally retouch her photos so she could post them on Weibo before it ended. Xu Yan wasn't all that interested in the gala anyway, so he took the chance to head back to his room to edit. Lu Sen reminded him to come back early — they needed to take a group photo with the artists at the finale.

The room was on the twenty-sixth floor, not fully occupied — he'd heard there were still plenty of vacancies. Xu Yan walked out of the banquet hall with his Camera, went to the elevator, and pressed the up button. He looked down at his phone and saw Yu Xue had sent him a string of WeChat messages — all gossipy and empty, things like "xxx's neckline is so low today! I should've worn something super low-cut too," or "I was considering xx's shoes but they looked uglier the more I looked, so I didn't wear them," or "OMG how did xxx get so fat my god, he used to be my idol, my heart is shattered"…

Xu Yan: If a reporter catches you playing on your phone at the venue, do you think that'd look great on you?

Yu Xue went quiet after that.

Ding — the elevator arrived. Xu Yan pocketed his phone and looked up.

The doors slid open slowly. The light inside the elevator wasn't as bright as in the corridor, but after being refracted and reflected by the mirrored walls on three sides, it carried a low, almost grand contrast. Shen Zhi stood right at the intersection of light and shadow, dead center of the elevator, a pair of thin-framed glasses on his nose. His expression when he saw Xu Yan wasn't surprised, but clearly caught off guard.

Like knowing an exam is coming one day, having reviewed, having braced yourself — but the moment the paper lands in your hands, you can't help the nerves.

Shen Zhi was holding only a tablet and a stack of documents, no luggage — clearly he'd arrived long ago and was just back from handling some business.

Xu Yan acted as if a stranger were standing inside and entered the elevator without a word, positioning himself against the left wall. He was about to tap his room card to select his floor when he saw the button for the 26th floor was already lit.

Not just the same hotel, but the same floor — Xu Yan didn't quite get it. Weren't these floors supposed to be reserved? How could Shen Zhi still be staying here?

The elevator doors slowly closed, and the space fell quiet. Xu Yan kept his head down; he was a little tired, when he suddenly heard Shen Zhi ask: "Are you feeling unwell?"

Xu Yan frowned slightly and answered curtly: "No."

"Have you eaten?" Shen Zhi tilted his head slightly to look at his profile. "I ordered dinner, the kitchen will send it up. Want to eat together?"

"No need."

"Or is there anything else you'd like to—"

"I said no need." The 26th floor arrived, the doors opened, and Xu Yan stepped out.

Before he'd gone two steps, his arm was caught. He turned back. Shen Zhi looked exhausted — the helpless, lost kind of exhaustion. He said: "Xu Yan."

"Can you stop turning me down all the time?"

Xu Yan almost laughed: "What, I'm supposed to go along with everything you say?" He turned around. "Doesn't this feel familiar to you?"

"Being relentlessly pursued by someone you don't want to see — that maddening feeling, you should know it well, shouldn't you? How annoyed you were back then is exactly how annoyed I am now."

Shen Zhi's spine went rigid for an instant.

"Why keep making things hard on yourself." Xu Yan's tone was calm, his words sharp. "Shen Zhi, it's been years — don't you dare tell me you love me again."

"Love." Shen Zhi answered without hesitation, his voice hoarse.

Xu Yan's fingers curled sharply, gripping his Camera tighter. He'd only asked to push Shen Zhi back — he didn't believe Shen Zhi had truly loved him back then, especially after the truth about that drink came out. Xu Yan couldn't imagine love built on revenge, disgust, indifference, resistance — that wouldn't make sense on its own.

Let alone the three-year blank between them now — no meetings, no words, nothing to sustain any feeling — and their relationship had long since fallen apart beyond recognition.

What could Shen Zhi possibly love him with? Guilt?

"So what?" Xu Yan took a breath, staring at him. "Just because you love me, I have to accept it?"

"No." Shen Zhi's lashes flickered, then fell to cover those bloodshot eyes. He said, "I just want to tell you, right now I'm—"

He seemed to be choosing his words, paused, then continued: "I won't be like before. I can love you like a normal person now."

Xu Yan pressed his lips together. After a long moment, he coldly spat out two words: "No need." He turned and walked to his room, swiped the card to open the door.

Darkness. Xu Yan leaned against the door, the edge of the room card digging deep into his palm. The thing he least wanted to hear was Shen Zhi saying he loved him — just as he didn't want to hear Shen Zhi call him "Yan Yan."

Now there was even a "normal person" prefix attached. Xu Yan didn't understand why those three words stung — a respectable, successful man, carefully saying "I can love you like a normal person now," as if he'd made great efforts to become a "normal person."

Become a normal person, then come love him.

Xu Yan took a deep breath, slotted the room card into the reader, walked past the entryway, and went to the living room to turn on his computer.

After finishing the edits, Xu Yan packaged the photos and sent them to Yu Xue's team. He checked the time — over an hour still before the gala ended. He hadn't eaten, so he was about to order dinner. He'd just picked up his phone when the doorbell rang.

Xu Yan got up to check the peephole — it was a hotel server. He opened the door and asked: "What is it?"

"Mr. Xu, hello. Your dinner has arrived. If it's convenient, I'll come in and serve it for you."

"I didn't order dinner."

"Mr. Shen instructed the kitchen to prepare it for you."

Xu Yan glanced over the cart, was silent for a moment, then stepped aside: "Sorry for the trouble."

If Shen Zhi were an ordinary guest, the worst that could happen was Xu Yan refusing and the server going back to report it. But Xu Yan had casually flipped through the hotel brochure on the coffee table earlier and noticed it was under Jinyao Group — no wonder Shen Zhi could stay on a reserved floor, because this was his family's hotel.

So Shen Zhi wasn't just not an ordinary guest — he was essentially every employee's superior here. If Xu Yan didn't eat this meal, the server, as a subordinate, would be put in a difficult position.

"Mr. Shen specifically asked us to make you a soup. Please see if it's to your taste."

Xu Yan sat down at the table, looking at the cordyceps flower chicken soup with its curling steam: "Thank you, you've worked hard."

He really did love soup. When he used to live with Shen Zhi, he'd make soup whenever he had time, varying the recipes, no repeats for half a month. Early in their cohabitation, Shen Zhi had noticed this habit and asked him: "Are you from Guangdong?"

"I'd rather be from Guangdong." Xu Yan said with a grin. "How nice that would be — everything can be made into soup."

He still remembered one evening when he'd made Buddha Jumps Over the Wall for dinner, just wanting to try and see if he could pull it off. But he'd been too heavy-handed with the ingredients — overly nourishing — and after they drank it, their blood was up, they couldn't sleep at all, had to let it out, and were at it the whole night. Xu Yan's voice was still hoarse the next day.

After the server finished serving and left, Xu Yan looked at the spread of dishes on the table, pinched the bridge of his nose wearily, and picked up his chopsticks.